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Thursday, December 30, 2010

What To Do If He's Not Ready to Get Married

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Maybe the first thing that comes to mind is that you've been waiting a long time (a year) and still he's not ready. Leave his sorry-___- but wait, that's really extreme and totally unfair and who needs a smart alec anyway?

How long have you been dating, living together and been engaged to marry? Engagements in the dark-ages lasted years, today if they go on for longer than two or three years it leaves you wondering what's really going on - with reason.
The exception to this is that you have both sat down and discussed honestly, with respect and love for one another, when a wedding might become a reality - for a lot of reasons, the least of all is your married sister keeps asking "when" and your mother continues to wring her hands in anticipation and with anxiety, "what if she gets pregnant" and you have to tell them something just to keep them from hounding you.
Guys are a funny lot, women have always known that (just as guys have always known that about women) - they do things a certain way and for a lot of different reasons. We'll try to look at a few of those here:

His career is just taking off and he want's to be certain he can afford a wife and family. When he is sure of his career choices and the direction these are taking him, he will be more in the right frame of mind to settle down.• There simply isn't enough money in savings to run a home, plan a wedding, take on the responsibility of a wife (and maybe a child from a previous union). That's a huge chunk to bite off and he's gathering his funds and making plans for the future. If he's a wise man, you know this because he has told you at least two or three times.
He's only twenty and not anywhere near ready to have an honest discussion regarding marriage and what that might be all about. He's still a babe and not ready for all of that. He's really only ready for dating a dozen girls - one doesn't work out maybe her best friend will - he can hardly get to class or his job on time yet and his mother still does his laundry.  He needs a baby-sitter not a wife.
The fact that your grandparents married when they were only nineteen, has no bearing on the marriage situations of today. Back in the "good-old days" that's what people did, got out of high school, married their high school sweetheart and had babies - it was the climate of the era... not so in 2010.
Probably the reason that's hardest to consider is that you just aren't the right one. He has a lot of fun with you, he enjoys sex with you, and he calls all the time. You're a habit he's formed and he's not ready to break the habit yet - so he strings you along with promises of a ring; maybe we can talk about it next year; I'm getting ready, just not yet.
If that's the case, and has been for a number of months, and your instincts tell you to honestly examine his reasoning and you feel about your relationship with him, perhaps it really is time to cut him loose and get on with your life.

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