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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Relationship Readiness - How Do You Know When You're Ready to Date Again?

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You've just been through a divorce or a break up, you have been through a lot of pain, and you think that you might be ready to date again. This begs the question, how do you know when you're ready to date again. If you go out to soon then the chances are you are just looking to be with someone, it doesn't matter who, just someone, you could meet someone who is woefully incompatible to you, you have a lousy date and end up feeling even worse. We all want to be with someone, but it is far better to find a person who is right for you, and with whom you have a chance of building a relationship.
Before you can move on to the next chapter of your life, you need to make sure that the old one has come to an end. You'll probably have some issues from your previous relationship, you have to deal with these and bring them to closure before you can move on. It's rare that just one person can be responsible for a relationship break up. You need to be able to accept and take responsibility for your part in the break up, and you need to be able to forgive your ex for the part that they played. I realise that forgiving your ex is far easier said than done, but if you can forgive them then it draws a line under the episode, and if you can draw a line under it then you can leave it in the past.
You can forgive your ex, you can work through the pain, you can do things to boost your self-esteem and confidence, but the difficult thing is in regaining your ability to trust. Trust is the foundation that you build a relationship on and you give it freely to your partner. Your experiences with your partner can erode or increase your trust, but when something happens to destroy the trust then it can be difficult to get close to and trust anyone again. How do you know when you're ready to date again? When you understand that your next partner is not your old one, and when you can freely offer your trust to them.
A good sign that you're ready to date again is that you have stopped going on and on about your ex. Possibly you noticed the glazed expression on your friends and families faces, or maybe the thought of your ex just doesn't mean that much to you anymore. If you can spend your days without thinking about your ex then you have left the past behind you and you are looking to the future.
You need to be comfortable living a single lifestyle, you need to be able to live alone, if you cannot then you need to look at the reasons why. If you are not happy being single, you go out and find someone, the question is, is that person someone you have real feelings for or is it the first person that showed an interest in you? If you are happy being single then you can take your time in looking, and you can wait until find someone you are genuinely interested in.
Now, you might have or indeed might be making the most of your time being single by leading a full and active life, which also has the added bonus of making you appear more interesting to potential partners. Do you have time to commit to a relationship. If you want your next relationship to work then you have to commit to creating the best possible relationship that you can, are you ready for all that?
Are you happy with who you are? Do you like yourself, and can you see all the positives that you can offer a potential partner? Or are you going about bewailing your situation, assuring yourself that you will never find someone and never get married? If you want to find someone and build a happy, healthy relationship, then you need to believe in yourself and be positive. Smile, be friendly and you'll find someone to match you. If you are unable build your self-esteem that you are likely to find someone with low self-esteem which would not make for a happy relationship. If someone is looking for a partner they want one with life and energy, not negativity. If you are still on an emotional roller coaster from your previous relationship, then wait until you have recovered who you are. If you are struggling with low self-esteem then look at ways on how you can build it, you will be surprised at what you can achieve if you just learn to believe in yourself.
If you can leave your past in your past and not let it affect your life, if you have been able to resolve all your issues from your previous relationship, if you have been able to build a full and active life as a single, if you are over the pain and hurt of your break up, if you are ready to wait until you can find the right person, and most important of all, if you can trust that person and treat your next relationship as something new and full of potential, then you know that you are ready to date again.

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