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Monday, March 21, 2011

Tips For Strong and Lasting Relationship

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A relation is built on 3 very important pillars - Love, Trust and Loyalty. Loyalty and Trust may seem the same - but they in fact are totally different. When you know that your partner will never cheat on you - its TRUST and when you decide not to cheat on your partner, no matter what - That's LOYALTY. It could be put best as the 2 faces of the same coin, without either side - the coin is useless. Now you would wonder what LOVE would be in this coin - I'd say the coin itself could be called the love the more the LOVE the stronger the coin.
So is there any limit to how much you can trust someone in a relationship? The answer is a straight NO, there definitely is no limit as to how much you can trust your partner. When you are in a relationship, it is very necessary to trust your partner with all your heart and soul. Of course by that I don't mean you trust them blindly, because if you do that - the next thing you know is that you've made a terrible fool out of yourself and you've grown a weird beard with a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes and of course a broken heart. Here's when transparency comes into picture. If the relation you are in is the ONE, then its important that you remain transparent to your partner, tell them about all the small little things which happen in your life, how your day had been, and most importantly never ever keep a secret from your partner; it doesn't matter if its a big one, a small one or whatever - secrets have a tendency to bring gaps in a relationship - the longer you keep a secret from sharing with your partner, the more damage it may create, sometimes the secret may not be the reason to the distance in your relation, its the fact that it was kept hidden for such a long time which may create the distance. Of course there's always a right time to share everything, but you need to make sure that you tell it out at the first opportunity you receive to spill the secret, because if the secret is found out by your partner in any way other than from you, its going to be bad and depending on the intensity of the secret, it may even break the relation.
Now let me clarify that by a secret I don't mean the one's like you once puked in a classroom in front of all your friends. By secret I mean things that really really do matter to your partner. For some, it may be you talking excessively with someone your partner hates, for a few it may be a past relationship, for a few it may be a lot of other things. Secret in the true sense is a relative term which is moved up and down on an intensity chart based on factors like Culture, Religion, Ego, Insecurity, Previous history, etc. So, clearly a secret which may break ones relation may not essentially be a relation breaking secret in another couple. But whatever it be, the bottom line is if you want your partner to trust you you have to be transparent - its that way or the highway!
 Be there for your partner, because if this is THE relation - then your partner needs you all the time, not because they can't do without you, but because they love you and wouldn't want to be without you.
According to a recent survey 70% of break ups happen because people don't communicate properly. If there is something in a relationship that bothers you - you need to sit and talk, because the more you keep the botheration to yourself the more it will build and one day it will reach a point where you will just blast out, and blasting out in a relationship would mean a terrible fight, and a terrible fight would mean a lot of time wasted not loving each other. So it's best to talk to your partner about anything that troubles you, perhaps your partner does not even know, that they are doing a particular thing bothers you, for if they did they wouldn't do it. Sometimes you may feel its not the right time to talk about something and yes that is true, sometimes its just not the right time, sometimes talking about a particular thing would only make matters worse. But again, put that "need to talk"alarm to snooze for a while but do not turn it off, because we all know what happen when you turn of the alarm without waking up. It's very much the same case - if its not the right time wait till it is and at the first chance talk about it. In case you think its always a bad time, then you need to tell your partner in a way that she would listen to you; tell them, " Hey I have been wanting to talk to you about a certain thing that has been bothering me for a while, and I really need to talk about it because its troubling me from the inside" and create an atmosphere and then talk, don't just tell your partner, listen so and so thing about you bugs me! - that will simply turn out to be a natural calamity!
Usually it happens that when you try to talk to your partner they go very defensive and start getting angry at you for no reason what so ever; although mostly it may mean that they feel guilty and don't want to be the bad person and they would just get angry at you for telling such a thing or thinking of such a thing, but that's not the case all the time, sometimes, they just are too scared to confront the argument and perhaps don't want to lose you and they go haywire with their emotions. When things begin to go out of hand in a situation like this, it is necessary that you keep your calm and step down the argument, for if you lose your calm too - lets just say it won't end well. But don't ever leave the argument hanging, when things become normal explain to your partner that you are not angry with them for anything but that certain thing has been bothering you, express yourself, tell what you feel in a way that will reach out to your partner, and sooner or later your partner will understand what you feel.
For example, if there's somebody at your partners office who tries to come close to your partner and you think that the persons intentions don't seem good- express the concern,tell them why you feel so, tell them how it has affected you, may be your partner was too busy to observe someone trying to get close to them because a true loyal partner would draw the line immediately, but sometimes it goes unnoticed and you see it and that does not mean your partner was crossing the line, it perhaps means your partner is too innocent or too busy to notice it. Express your concern and I am sure your partner will do the right thing. Again talking about things does not mean you crib about things all the time, Love is also about adjustment and sacrifices, don't be nagging like a little baby, believe that your partner wants the relation as much as you want it and allow them to make certain decisions as well and be there to advice them on the decisions, try not forcing it, for sometimes it may just go against you - although the relation may not break but for that moment things might go ugly.
Remember, you don't have to be blind to the truth and at the same time you shouldn't be a suspicious character all the time, and in some cases just because you were suspicious once and your partner may think you are spying on them all the time, you need to clear things out, for all that I have known- no matter what your loved one says, no matter how the react - they know it when you tell them the truth.So, If you are transparent with each other with complete trust on each other, one thing could be made concrete - You are in a true strong relationship. After that its about a little adjustments here and there and well then its - happily ever after. :-)
So to put it all in a nutshell, While Love, Trust and Loyalty are the 3 pillars of love; Transparency and a healthy regular Communication about the relation is what keeps the relation going by strengthening the pillars and of course a bit of sacrifice and a little adjustments here and there for your loved one would make your loved one feel special and important too. So, that's that!

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