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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Can A Lost Trust In A Relationship Be Restored?

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How do you get your relationship back even after one of you has cheated? Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship. That's possibly a little narrow-minded. I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it. It is not an easy thing, gaining trust after an affair, but it is possible if both parties take some of the responsibility and truly want to go on being together.
Restoring trust in relationships requires adjustments in both attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. And it starts by looking closely at your relationship and trying to discover what it is lacking.
I doubt that it is very often (or ever) that a third party is the reason for infidelity. There are usually core issues within the relationship that are basically pushing the relationship apart - almost literally pushing your partner into another's arms. Most issues can be resolved and will heal over time if you can identify them and work out how to change them to suit your relationship.
* What was it that you or your partner were looking for when the infidelity took place?
* Had sex become... let's say, boring?
* Were you not spending enough time together?
* Were you or your partner feeling unappreciated, unloved, overwhelmed, undesirable, neglected?
There could be many reasons a relationship breaks down to the point of someone reaching out to a third party to meet their needs, or even sometimes just to be heard. Work out what was lacking in your relationship if you decide you still want to be together. If you're not clear about what the core issues are, dig deep to discover the underlying problems.
But just understanding our thoughts and feelings isn't enough. The next step is to take positive action towards regaining trust. The regaining of trust may take some time, but you can start taking action with this goal in mind straight away.
Assuming you were the unfaithful partner, start with small things - like an offer to do a task on a regular basis. Make sure you do the task! Simple. It shows your partner that you are keeping your word, even if it's not some amazing thing, it is rebuilding the trust between you. When you show that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.
Your partner may need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you may have to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to understand that there may be ongoing comments about the violation of trust, this is normal. It is not easy to forgive this kind of breach. If you want the relationship to survive, you may need to endure this for a while.
However, it doesn't mean you have to feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. Allow for the hurt to be heard and honoured, but don't let your partner constantly have you feeling guilty. Be understanding, but remind them that the responsibility was not entirely yours.
Try to look at this time in your lives as a lifeline for your relationship - as an opportunity for you both to grow as individuals and for your relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, relationships can grow stronger after a break in trust.
Restoring trust in a relationship does take time. Your relationship can transform into an amazing bond with a little attitude readjustment, some time and a lot of love and understanding. It is worth the time and effort if you both commit to rebuilding the love and trust.

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