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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Barriers In A Relationship

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When we are in a close relationship with another person, sometimes we can feel the walls between each other. Sometimes, one of us may be trying to protect ourselves or hiding what we really are from the other person. After a while, this behavior becomes normal and thus is prolonged. If you have been in a relationship for a while, yet still feel like you haven't connected fully to the other person, there could be a reason. First, look at yourself. Are you trying to protect yourself because of something that has happened in your past? This may seem obvious, but still one may be doing it on an unconscious level.
Our past hangs on when it is connected to our fears. If we fear being hurt, left, or without control, we try to hide from it, and thus we are hiding from the other person. The distance could be there because we have not fully opened ourselves up to the relationship. If you believe there is nothing holding you back, no behaviors or feelings, then perhaps it is the other person. When you look at this other person, what do you know of their past? Have they been hurt before and are they still holding onto that fear? With honesty, one can approach each other. It is important to feel close in a relationship, and by talking about this, you enable this feeling. By approaching this subject, you can learn if the other person feels distant from you too.
How they feel about you may be why you feel distant from them. It could be as simple as this. But if you dig deeper and ask if they feel they are protecting themselves from something in the past, you might understand them better. Share how you feel about your past relationships. Talk about being open, not just in what you say to each other, but in how you feel with each other. Practice being open within and feeling acceptance towards this other person. The more we let go of fear in a relationship, the more open we become. If we fear our past repeating itself, we are not fully in the relationship we are in right now. Focus on being open if you really desire no barriers between each other. Help yourself get past the walls by letting yours go first. Remember, if you feel a distance, sometimes just taking the first step enables the other to let go and open up too.

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