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Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Reasons Why You May Be Scared To Commit To A Relationship

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You have been in a relationship for a while but you just cannot get yourself to commit to your partner. You care about your partner but a commitment to them just scares the living daylights out of you. What does this mean? Why are you scared to commit to your partner?
1. Personal issues. You may have personal matters that make you wary of commitment.
a. Self esteem or self worth. Is your opinion of yourself low? Does your sense of self make you believe that nobody of value would commit to you? To commit to a relationship you must know that you are a person of worth deserving of the very best in life.
b. Maturity. Do you feel ready for a commitment? If not, what makes you think that you cannot handle commitment? Do you feel that you first need to accomplish certain things before getting into a committed relationship? How will a committed relationship stop you from accomplishing these things? Be honest with yourself so that you can understand the underlying currents fanning your commitment fears.
c. The past. Sometimes the happenings and incidences of the past continue to control what you do today. Have you made a commitment to someone before and it was like giving them a license to hurt you? To commit to a new relationship you need to make peace with your past relationships and forgive whoever walked over you and your heart like you were a carpet.
d. Your exposure. Have most of your friends or close family members in committed relationships had harrowing horror stories? Are all the committed relationships around you full of negativity? Then you may be afraid that their fate will befall you if you make a commitment.
2. Your partner is not ready. Does your partner inspire confidence in you that they will treat you great and with respect in a committed relationship?
a. Conflicts. How does your partner handle conflict? Do they sulk and throw tantrums like a 2 year old or do they handle them with grace and maturity? You want to commit to someone who can negotiate with you for a compromise that works for both of you.
b. Treatment. So far in the relationship how has your partner treated you? Do they treat you well and do you feel that they are on your side? You want to commit to a partner who treats you well for the larger part as past behaviour  is a pointer of future behaviour.
3. The relationship is at its infancy.
Is your relationship at the stage where a commitment is required? At what stage in a relationship will you be comfortable making a commitment? If you do not feel ready because your relationship is too young then you need to clarify for yourself what it is that you must see or experience in order to know that you are ready.
These 3 steps will help you know why you are scared to commit to a relationship so that you know how to tackle it. You do not want to be controlled by fear but neither do you want to do something that you are uncomfortable with. You can change yourself and your relationship but changing your partner can be a tall order.

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