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Friday, June 17, 2011

Understanding Men

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Men can be a mystery although sometimes women imagine that they don't understand a man since what the man is saying is either unpleasant or it is not what the woman wants to hear. Sometimes a woman just has a selective understanding of men so that she only truly understands what she likes and either misinterprets what she doesn't like or decides that he didn't really mean it that way. Understanding men requires that you remain acutely aware that each man is different and depending on his personality his words will mean different things. So what could it mean when a guy says he doesn't love you the way you want?
1. He cares for you but he DOESN'T love you! You are a woman whose company he may enjoy and who he would consider a friend but he is telling you that he doesn't have a romantic interest in you. This is one of the hardest situations to bear especially if you are friends and romance would be a natural progression for you but there is a romantic disconnect so that even though you may really like him he just doesn't feel the same way. If this is you then you need to stop pushing him for a relationship as you will only drive a wedge of anger and frustration between the two of you. You need to either accept that you can only be friends or if you cannot settle for friendship then you may need to slowly cut off ties from him. Can you be a friend and support him as he dates other women? If not then you may need to find a way to emotionally disconnect from him. If you leave don't do it in a huff or in anger since you cannot blame him for not feeling for you; that's just how he feels and you don't want him pretending do you?
2. He cares about you but he is not sure he wants to be in a romantic relationship with you. This is a man who is just not sure about what he wants from the relationship with you. He doesn't know what he really feels about you. His mind and heart are simply unsure about you and what he feels for you. His behavior may be confusing to you as he will blow hot and cold as a reflection of the inner indecisiveness that he has about you. You need to simply give him space to decipher his own mind and heart. It is easier to stop the relationship today, at this level, than 6 months or 1 year later when you are even more deeply invested in the relationship.
3. He doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. He is trying to be kind by telling you in a soft way that he has no romantic interest in you at all. Look at his behavior does it not show you that he has no romantic interest in you? And resist the temptation to see romance in normal kind deeds. See his deeds as they really are as you really don't want to chase an illusion that is only in your mind.
Understanding men means that you look at his behavior and his words. His words need to match up with his behavior. He doesn't love you if he says he loves you but treats you like last night's trash. So even in this situation look at his behavior to determine which of the 3 options you fall into. And be honest as self deception will only keep you in a hurtful situation for a much longer than was necessary.

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