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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

There is Hope After an Affair

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he lasting strains that infidelity places upon a marriage are far reaching and very painful. The issues of trust, healing, friendship and commitment all become a challenge for the both of you. Which once came easy in the marriage is now extremely difficult. The hot and cold tidal waves that hit you each and every day can be overbearing. Due to this, most people have a negative predetermined outcome set in their minds, making thoughts of reconciliation tough for them to visualize. Inevitably that spouse begins to lose hope.
Losing Hope
It's normal during the post--affair healing process to have setbacks, roadblocks and feelings of hopelessness get in the way of healing. They are not uncommon and should be expected. How you handle these inevitable situations will set the tone for your future success. In this article I will be laying out three action steps the spouse with hope can take to get their hopeless partner back on track.
©    Take the Lead
The greatest leaders in history all had one thing in common, they lead by example. They said what they meant and meant what they said. Do the same thing. If you are committed to saving the marriage show them by your words followed up with action. Show them your commitment to the healing process. Outline in a letter the reasons why you haven't lost hope and give it to your spouse. Seek out new ideas, new books, new them you mean business. If you lead from the front and they will follow.
©    Don't Take It Personally
The stresses of rebuilding after an affair compound themselves around you so much sometimes it can feel like you can't breathe. This is happening and all the while life continues. Work, kids, family, friends, house care, shopping... all the normal bits and pieces of life that used to be easy seem to creep up and swamp you. It's easy to see how one could lose hope. Don't take this personally. Your spouse is still there, trying to work it out or else they would have moved on. This setback really has less to do with you and more to do with the situation. Whether they are the offending party or you are is irrelevant. Hopelessness can hit either one of you. Just don't take it personally.
©    Remembering You This is very important. Not forgetting to take time to focus on yourself is a critical element wherever you find yourself in the healing process. What can you do to improve? What parts of the marriage can you contribute to more? What role do you want to play? How can you be a better friend, partner, or lover? I am by no mean suggesting you become a doormat, but taking time to do a good self evaluation is healthy in any marriage, even one suffering through an affair. It requires dedication to get through. It’s not going to be easy, but in the end it will all worth it.

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