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Friday, November 18, 2011

How to Cope with "After Break-UP"

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 breakup, essentially, is the termination of a relationship through any means except death. So, if no physical death occurred, something probably still died, in a way. It may be the death of your love for your partner, or the death of effective communication between the both of you, the death of your other priorities... Something has been terribly affected by the relationship that you're left with no choice but to cut the affair short.
And of course, all breakups are painful. It's undeniable, regardless of the level of pain it may have given you. That is because a breakup signifies a certain death of all the dreams and promises and plans you shared together with your ex. All the wasted time and the memories cherished - they're now part of a regrettable past. This is why we experience a definite sense of disappointment and frustration.
To recover for a breakup is a very difficult thing to do, yes, but I also need to remind you that you CAN, MUST, and WILL move on from the past relationship. All you need is a little bit of time to heal, patience, and a good form of distraction.
There are three aspects in healing yourself after a breakup. First is coping, or the process of restoring the rest of your life routines after the relationship is lost. Second is grieving, or the process of contemplating the loss of the relationship. Third is learning, where you discover the lessons the breakup will teach you.
To be able to cope with the breakup, you must first recognize that it's perfectly understandable to feel sad, angry, or depressed. There's no need to act happy or gleeful if you really aren't. But, accept also that these feelings of uncertainty and loneliness will subside and fade overtime. You do not need to hold onto these feelings longer than necessary.
Because you're trying to cope with your life, you need to give yourself a break. Take a rest, go to a vacation spot. You shouldn't push yourself too hard at work or pressure yourself to be at your optimal best just because you want to take your mind off the breakup. That's not healthy. Your colleagues will understand you if you won't become quite as productive as you usually are at work or at school.
Lastly, you don't need to handle the situation alone - not sharing your problems to anyone is dangerous and may contribute to more depression. Go to support groups if you aren't comfortable sharing this with friends or family, but it's always best to talk to someone close to you about the breakup.
The main advice I can give you about grieving a breakup is this: don't try to fight your feelings. Just let it all out. If you feel like crying, just cry, no one is stopping you. It's normal to have down moments in life. It's normal to feel sad, angered, depressed, and jealous about your ex-partner after a breakup. If you suppress these emotions you may find yourself in a hole much deeper than ever before.
This is why you need to talk to friends or family about the breakup, because it is the most effective way to express how you've been feeling the whole time. Also, remember that the final goal is to move on and to erase all the negative emotions you have towards the demise of the relationship. There's no use holding a grudge against someone you've shared a wonderful time with. Finally, constantly give yourself a reminder that a future is still in store for you, and that not everything in the relationship has gone to waste.
If there's one good thing about breakups, it's that you'll learn how to handle future relationships better and surer. But that will only happen if you will allow yourself to learn from it. Contemplate your own faults in the relationship and figure out how to minimize or completely erase these little misgivings.
You must step back and look at the bigger picture. How did your actions contribute to the relationship's demise? Were there some mistakes that your ex definitely mentioned but you still kept repeating them? How did you react to the stress brought about by the relationship? These are just some of the queries you must ask yourself to be able to learn a lot of things from a breakup.

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