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Saturday, December 31, 2011

"I" Does Not Exist in "We"

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ow often do you find yourself wishing that the word 'I' didn't exist in your partner's vocabulary? Does it seem as though every time they open their mouth to voice a concern in your relationship, "I" is the first thing you hear? Has it gotten to the point that as soon as you hear the word, your ears stop working and your guards start to go back up? Unfortunately, this is all too common in many relationships.
Perception of Selfishness
The letter 'I' is present in both "relationship" and "selfish". When it is used constantly in the former, it gives the impression of the latter. There are times when one partner may feel as though they aren't receiving the things that they need to be happy in their personal relationship. How this unhappiness is conveyed, can have a direct impact on how it's received.
Constantly bombarding your partner with phrases like, "I need" or "I want", will instantly cause them to turn a deaf ear to your complaints. The first thing that they will most likely think is that you are being selfish; that you are only concerned with what you need and want. As a result, they will respond with, "well, what about what I need?"
Open the Door to Effective Communication
People fail to realize how easy it is to open the door to conversations of this nature. It doesn't have to be an argument, a spat or a debate. With one simple question, healthy exchange can be initiated and all of your concerns can be voiced. Nine times out of ten, you've never thought about it this way because you've been too busy complaining about what you need and want.
Is there anything that you feel you aren't getting from me?
That simple question can put you on the path to happiness. Now, the answer to that question will vary depending on the situation. At the same time, it opens the door for effective communication and gives you the opportunity to present your grievances in a relaxed atmosphere; greatly reducing the probability of a heated argument.
The key to effective communication in this instance is to rephrase your complaints so that they come across as a solution that will benefit you both. Instead of complaining that you need more time, make a suggestion; "we should spend more time together because it will..." Don't sound like you're whining about not receiving enough attention; say something like, "maybe we need to be more attentive toward one another". It makes a huge difference and the results will show it!
As you can see, these simple word changes stop you from looking selfish and make you appear more concerned. It doesn't sound like you are only thinking about yourself, but how the both of you can do things to improve the current situation. There is no way to maintain a healthy relationship when all you think about is yourself and you want your partner to think about you too. Eventually, someone will feel as though they have been left out to dry. That's when you open the door for a whole different set of problems to come into play.
For every lesson in life, there's an article to be written!!!

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