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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Moving From "Friend Zone" to Something More

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ou are his good friend but you want more. In your quiet moments you find yourself thinking about this particular male friend in a romantic fantasize about him and you in a romantic relationship and you are hoping that he can begin to see you as more than a friend. As a friend you have seen how truly wonderful he is and you have come to the sudden realization that if you could build a romance on this friendship then yours would be one of those 'happily ever after' relationships. But he seems clueless about your feelings and he continues to treat you only as his close friend...and only as a friend. So how do you navigate the change that you want? How do you escape the 'friend zone'?
1. Become unavailable but stay friendly. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that you get him missing and thinking about you more than usual. To do this you must become a scare commodity. Don't meet up with him every day as you normally do, don't reply to his Emails or SMS's immediately, reply to his calls after a few days but when you do communicate back be your usual friendly self. And keep your communication short and pleasant. Your aim in doing this is that he will miss you and come to a realization about the great value that you have in his life. Do this for 3-4 weeks and if he is a real friend he will miss you and will be seeking an answer to the emotional confusion that he feels about your absence from his life.
2. Dress well and look your best. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that you feel sexy, beautiful and desirable. This does not mean that you no longer dress in casual clothes but it does mean that you dress in clothes that make you feel feminine and attractive. Look after the entire package that is you so get your hair cut or styled and coloured so that you feel as attractive as possible. Wear whatever makeup makes you feel and look good. And take your grooming seriously so that you do not just look good but you smell wonderful as well. You want him to notice and appreciate how attractive you really are and for you to feel like the queen that you are.
3. Pursue your interests. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that you feel as good as you look and nothing makes you feel as good as improving yourself through taking classes or in helping others or in exploring a passion that energizes you. Since he is your friend you will also miss him and you will be tempted to go back to being his friend so you need to occupy the time that you spent with him in being all that you can be.
4. Be the woman that he loves. Since you are his close friend then you will know what he likes in a woman that he is attracted to. So be that woman while remaining true to you. If he tends to fall in love with women who smell a certain way then wear the fragrance that evokes that in him; if he loves a well put together woman then get a hopping; if he loves women who wear dresses that show off legs then that's your cue. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that he begins to 'see' you as the type of woman that he is attracted to so use what you know about him to conquer his heart.
5. Flirt with him! Escaping the 'friend zone' means that you open his eyes to another side of you and you can do this by flirting with him. Again you know him well and so you know how to let him know that you like him using your body and your words. You want to gently tease him so that his mind begins to understand that you are attracted to him...and you have a lot to offer. You can flirt with him using text or body language or using words. Flirting successfully requires that you tease him and give him a romantic hint that his mind then works out slowly or quickly. The more subtle you can be the more fun you can both have with this.
6. Tell him in plain and clear language. If after all this he is still clueless about what you want then you will have to tell him in plain terms. This is really risky as you cannot later pretend that he misinterpreted you like in the earlier solutions. But let him know that you really value your relationship and you will be happy to remain friends if he has no romantic interest in you or if the romantic phase does not work out for both of you. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that you minimize the risk that he may feel about this next step by letting him know that your friendship will not change regardless of his response to how you feel about him. He is your friend and honesty is your best friend but don't go into unnecessary details about how you feel about him. Just let him know casually that you wonder if the two of you could ever be more than friends...and follow his lead in the conversation BUT make sure that he understands exactly what it is that you want.
Escaping the 'friend zone' requires courage on your part and being willing to lose what may is a good friendship if he gets totally freaked out by this change that you want. So be absolutely sure that this is something that you want, before you rock the boat. And when you are sure that you want to escape the 'friend zone' then make sure that he understands what it is that you want so that you do not spend the rest of your days playing the 'what if' game or resentful of all his love interests.

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