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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Signs That He is Never Going to Marry You

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ou want him to commit to you and to marry you (plain and simple) but he seems oblivious of this desire of yours. You have waited hopefully for what seems like an eternity for him to pop the big but increasingly elusive question. You have dreamt about all the possible romantic ways and places that he could propose; you have found your mind wondering and fantasizing about it and you have even discussed it with all your girl pals BUT he seems to have no awareness of the need for a formal commitment to you. The puzzle for you is that he seems too really like you and everything between the two of you is great but he just seems clueless about marriage or commitment. You want him to commit to you and to marry you but you don't know whether he will ever marry you. What are the signs that a guy is never going to marry you?
1. He is completely content with the way things are and he says so. A guy that is never going to marry you will let you know. You will have discussed the possibility of marriage and he will have clearly told you that he does not think that a piece of paper will change the love and commitment that he has towards you. He will vilify marriage and work at convincing you that your relationship is great as it is and that marriage will not add anything to your relationship. The bottom line is that he simply does not want to marry you and you must deal with that fact. If marriage is critical to you then you must be prepared to call his bluff and demonstrate to him how serious this issue is to you by letting him know that if he doesn't marry you within a specific period then you will leave him... and you must be prepared to leave him if you make that ultimatum otherwise you shouldn't make it at all as it will just weaken your position even further and will ensure that he never marries you.
2. He tells you that you are not 'wife' material. A guy that is never going to marry you keeps telling you about the kind of girl he is expected to marry and how you just don't fit the specifications given. He makes it seem like it is other peoples fault. He will tell you that he really likes you BUT his mother or friends or culture or boss or 'whoever it is' expects him to marry a specific type of girl (which you clearly are not) and he just cannot disappoint these people or person. He paints himself as a victim of family or culture or career or whatever it is that he says 'prevents' him from marrying you. He repeatedly lets you know what a great girl you are and how unfair it is for his mother or boss or society or culture or whatever it is to forbid a marriage with you. He may or may not be a victim of powerful forces but clearly he is never going to marry you.
3. He shows you that he is in love with another type of woman. A guy that is never going to marry you has settled for another. You are not what he really wants but you are better than nothing. He is with you because he doesn't want to be alone but you are not what he wants for a long term commitment or marriage. He is therefore never going to marry you until he losses all hope of ever getting the kind of girl that he wants. He will hold on to you as a backup plan but he will be extremely reluctant to move the relationship forward into marriage as he will be waiting for 'her'...the one he really desires and wants. Facing the reality that he is waiting for another can be extremely painful but if this is your situation then denial just hurts you and keeps you in a dead relationship with someone who doesn't think you are worthy. Facing reality helps you decide whether to break it off with him so as to give room for the possibility of another man to come into your life or to continue with him and to reduce the expectations you have of him.
4. He lets you know that he has made certain wrong assumptions about you. A guy that is never going to marry you may have certain preconceptions about you. He may believe that you want to do other things with your life instead of marrying him or he may think that you would never marry someone like him or he may not know how important marriage is to you. You need to clearly communicate with him so that he knows exactly what you want from life and from your relationship with him. If you do not make it clear then you will grow increasingly angry and he will go about blissfully ignorant of what it is that you want. Do not assume that he knows that you want him to marry you; be clear and precise and don't hint at it as he may never understand your hints and suggestions. Be clear and forthright!
A guy whose commitment you want but who seems to be on a different commitment channel from you must be faced honestly and candidly. You must take an honest look at your guy and your relationship to understand what it is that is prompting his lack of commitment so that you can deal with it appropriately.

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