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Saturday, August 13, 2011

Simple Relationship Advice

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You might be surprised to know that although you have been struggling with fixing your relationship, sometimes it happens by following some simple relationship advice. I do understand that it is hard to see pass your current difficulties but believe me when I tell you all relationship problems are solvable. Don't let your relationship problems steal your joy and love for your partner.
I'm sure that you will agree that one of the biggest obstacles to fixing your relationship is time and dedication. We tend to allocate most of our time to work, kids and other leisure activities and we don't devote as much time to working on our relationships. If you are not careful, your relationship can soon grow distant and cold if it's never worked on. The good news is that as long as you have once before felt the passion, commitment and success in your relationship, you most likely can do so again. Fixing your relationship doesn't have to just be a desire and won't be if you act on some simple relationship advice as outlined below.
Simple Relationship Advice for Fixing Your Relationship
Retouch and Restart - Have you ever noticed that the longer your relationship problems exist the less you seem to hold hands, hug and kiss or do other intimate things? Well, chances are that's how your relationship started out. It probably gave you goose bumps just to hold hands and kiss. A hug was priceless in the early days of your relationship I would bet. So why not go back to your roots and reconnect by initiating simple expressions of physical touch. It doesn't matter if your partner wants to or not, ask for a hug and a kiss and to hold hands. Do it in natural settings and don't force it or it will come across as fake. Touch often and set off those sparks again.
Balance Your Conversations - Research has determined that in broken relationships very often communication has broken down. Couples either only talk about the problems and negative stuff which leads to distancing or never talk about the bothersome things, which can lead to pent-up frustrations. The way to correct this is to focus on your conversations and try to ensure that they are balanced. If you never talk about the things that bother you, try to find ways to bring them up in a non-confrontational way. Make sure your partner doesn't feel under attack and communicate that you need to discuss the particular matter to help you better relate. Make it about you and not your partner. This will go a long way towards fixing your relationship.
Dwell On the Positives - "As a person thinks, so shall it be". If you can, please try to fill your mind with images of the fun times you have had and the joyful moments. If you dwell on the positive stuff, it can re-energize you and help you with fixing your relationship. I assure you that if you focus only on the negatives in your relationship, your problems will overwhelm you and consume you. I'm not suggesting that you ignore the things in your relationship that need addressing. However, don't dwell on them.
Fixing your relationship doesn't need to be the most difficult thing to achieve in your life. Learn to go back to the basics and use the simple relationship advice as noted above.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Managing Anger After an Infidelity

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One of the most common emotions people experience in surviving infidelity is anger. Its important to first have an understanding of what anger really is. If you look at anger from a purely functional perspective it’s a protective response to a perceived hurt or threat, be it emotional or physical. And there are few things in life more threatening than surviving infidelity.
Discovering an affair can leave you feeling stressed, depressed or both. Your "anger" is more about feeling so overwhelmed that every little thing in their life feels like an enormously challenging burden to be undertaken. Every little thing your partner or others do can feel magnified to the extreme. The TV is too loud, you feel like you are being harassed when the kids want your attention, even an innocent comment from your partner such as "what do you want to do for dinner?" can drive you over the edge. You may even have fantasies of killing or hurting your partner or the person s/he was cheating with.
So, what do you do with all these feelings? As appealing as yelling at your partner might seem, it's probably not going to do much for you or the relationship in the long run. Without going into all the neurological reasons behind it, the bottom line is that the more you yell or take things out on your partner the more primed you are to keep doing it. In other words, yelling usually leads to more yelling.
And if you really want to save your relationship, yelling or fighting is not the way to do it. So let’s try to focus on ways to help keep you calm and relaxed. The clearer your head is the more likely you are to deal with things in a productive way and to make the right choices for yourself.

1) Exercise. The first thing I would recommend is for you to get plenty of exercise (check with your doctor first to make sure there are no health issues involved). As much a pain as it might seem try to get some exercise every single day. It's the best drug available to help keep you calm, focused and sharp. It clears all of the goop out of your brain. You can always find excuses not to exercise, but try an experiment: compare how you feel before you exercise and how you feel after. Keep that difference in mind. No matter how unmotivated you feel, you will always feel better after getting a bit of exercise in.

2) Take Your Vitamins! The second thing I would recommend is to make sure that you are eating right and taking the right vitamin combination

3) Fake Smile Technique. A final suggestion for dealing with anger or depression is to practice smiling for fifteen minutes twice a day. I know, the last thing you may feel like doing is smiling right now but even a fake smile is ok. There is a feedback loop from your body to your brain and studies have actually shown that fake smiling for an extended period can cause your brain to think "I'm smiling so I must be happy" and will actually lead you to feel happy. This is such a powerful technique that can help even people who have been depressed their entire lives and have not responded to medication. So try it at home or elsewhere. It really works!

These 3 suggestions will help keep you in a more balanced condition as you work on surviving infidelity.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

You Can Maintain a Healthy Relationship in Tough Times

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Tough economic times can put enormous stress on the best of relationships. Here are seven tips to help couples stay connected so they do not have to worry about their relationship in addition to all their other concerns.
1. Stay away from blame and criticism. There are always plenty of reasons to get stuck in "if only" thinking. If only you had taken a different job and others, you can live in the presence. It is too late to undo what has already happened and it keeps you in the past.
2. Let each other know what is important to you as a couple and family. This is where you share with each other as to what you value. Together you want to come up with solutions that protect what you both value.
3. Crisis can bring couples together or drive them apart if they cannot agree on what is important. It is too stressful to work on cross purposes. If you find yourself in such a situation go back to the drawing board and start over by identifying what both of you can support.
4. Some of the decisions you may have to make may be painful but if you know you have each other's support this can be an opportunity for growth as a couple.
5. Pull each other back to the present. It is the only place where you can find solutions. Support each other emotionally. You will find that you will each have moments or days of feeling discouraged. Be there for each other so that neither of you becomes an additional emotional burden for the other.
6. Take care of yourself by remembering to maintain your body with regular exercise, eating right and sleeping well. It takes a lot of energy both physical and emotional to find solutions in changed circumstances.
7. Keep a "we will get through this" attitude. A positive mindset based on WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER will keep you emotionally connected and strengthen love.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

You Can Manage Stress Successfully In Your Marriage

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Stress can come from everywhere and can hit you every day. But it doesn't have to affect your relationship to the extent of ruining it forever.
In marriage, stress can also be experienced every now and then. This can make marital issues blown out of proportion leading to conflicts between the husband and wife. Sometimes, the source of stress may not even always be your partner. There are times when one spouse is upset over what happened at the office or in their business that day and the anger and frustration are just thrown to the other partner resulting in an argument or a fight.
But this attitude needs to be changed if you want to keep your marriage for a lifetime. Whether you're the husband or the wife, you have to be more understanding towards your partner and support him or her regardless of his mood. Tolerance is the key to a successful marriage. Sometimes when the tension is so high, it's easy to just flare up and throw your anger to your partner. But if you have enough patience and tolerance, you would know the right time to talk and give your opinion.
Psychologists suggest that couples need to take time to decompress. When stress is noticed especially when both of you come home from work, just let each other relax for some time. Finding time to discuss issues and share the day's activities is also essential. You can do this later in the night. This is the best time to share your disappointments and your successes in your respective endeavours.
You need to be open about your thoughts and feelings so your spouse will also do the same. Remember communication is a vital part of any relationship and how effective you are in this aspect will make a big difference in keeping your marriage intact. Take the time to listen to what your spouse has to say and figure out how you can support him or her. Doing this is also helpful in eliminating your urge to vent out your anger towards each other.
Through your constant communication, you will also have the opportunity to know how your partner deals with stress. Some people want to remain quiet when they have issues to deal with while the others are more verbal. If you find that your spouse is the quiet type when upset, the best you can do is to give him or her space to relax and cool down.
Finally, don't take occasional conflicts with your spouse personally. If you know how to be an understanding and supportive partner, you should be able to handle stress in your marriage successfully.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Fears That Prevent Successful Relationships

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Do you have a fear that prevents you from getting into - or maintaining a good relationship? Well it's not as uncommon as you may think. There are actual terms for these conditions.
1. Fear of trusting people. Common problems include: not opening up to someone because of experiencing hurt/betrayal in the past, suspicious thoughts which may turn into some type of action (which includes but not limited to: constant calling to check where a person is at- or what they're doing, constantly starting unnecessary arguments, name calling, or at extreme, stalking behaviour), and a feeling of losing that person. Many people who have trusted someone in the past only to feel regretful about it also complain of others who have in some way took advantage of their trust. So as a result they put all men or women into one bad category.
2. Philophobia also known as the fear of falling in love. Common problems include: been hurt in the past, and not knowing if the person they're with really does love them back (or as much as they do). With this huge fear also comes the fear of rejection. Because they've been hurt in the past or their feelings were not well received, they've decided not to show their emotions (when it comes to relationships) ever again. Many also expect things to at some point take a turn for the worst. So they think..."why even try?"
3. Commitment-phobia also known as the fear of commitment. Common problems include: scared of taking things to the next level, staying in a relationship too long, putting a title on ones-self (such as: boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc). Nervousness is the main problem for commitment-phobic people. So they usually act irrationally when it comes to relationships. They may lie, cheat, or hurt someone emotionally- just so they find some way to get out of the relationship before it gets too serious.
Here's the have to understand that whatever it is that's holding you back from meeting someone or potentially having a good relationship, it's all within your control. Start loving, trusting, and committing to making yourself a better person first. And then start allowing others the chance to show you what they are about. There are many wonderful, loving, faithful people out there that are waiting for the opportunity to not only gets to know you- but to show you how much they care. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve it.
In addition you should also seek out the help of a therapist, relationship coach, positive family member, or friend that could help you through the difficult times. Just know that you're worthy of love- and you have the potential to get into a loving, successful relationship. Just start by opening up now to the idea of it.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Is Yours Love or Pity?

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If you are in a relationship and you just feel that something is missing, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to take a close look at what is taking place in your life with your partner at this time. The very real question that is going to have to be answered at the end of your assessing this situation is whether your relationship is based on love or pity.
The individual that you are spending your life with may be your best friend, and the problem is they may not be your lover. It may not be the individual that you are able to have a passionate relationship with that has that deep rooted love that having a partner brings. The individual may be a very close friend that you feel comfortable discussing things with, and sharing your problems with, and having a good time with, but the relationship ends there. If you are not feeling that tug in your heart each time you are with them or looking for them and counting the minutes to when you are going to see them again, then there may be something missing that you need to bring back into your relationship if it's possible.
You may know within yourself that this is not the person that you had thought that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but don't want to hurt them by ending the relationship. So you are now, in your heart, accepting second best even though this is a top rate person. You are not being fair to them or yourself to allow this to continue. It is something that you need to bring out in the open, and many times when this happens it turns out that there has just been something affecting the relationship that can be rectified and the passion now returns to the marriage or partnership.
Many times with a hectic pace of life, or one or the other going their separate ways without realizing it, they have become selfish in the relationship and have taken the marriage for granted. Sometimes doing a reality check is all that it takes. Then this may not be the case, and it turns out that you are truly in the relationship because of pity. This is where you need to ask yourself, do you want to spend the rest of your life this way, or do you want to give each of you a chance of finding the true love and happiness in a relationship that you expect out of life.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

All Men Cheat, True or False?

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Is this just a matter of luck? The women who have never been or rarely cheated on are just lucky? The ones that have been cheated on are just unlucky? There has to be and is more to it than luck. I know women who have never been cheated on and have been in more than one long term relationship. I know men who wouldn't dream of cheating on their partners. They adore their partners and cheating is not an option. Do all men cheat? No they don't.
The sad thing is that a lot of women who have been cheated on go into a new relationship and bring the past baggage with them. They expect that their partner will cheat; they have been conditioned by the men in their past that this happens and the new partner ends up paying for the sins of the man before him. Is this really fair? I know it's hard to trust again. I realize this. Not trusting though just sets you up for a repeat. Let me explain my thinking here.
A woman that has been cheated on struggles with trust, she questions her new partner about things such as where he has been, who he was talking to, did he talk with an ex and so forth and so on. She may browse his Facebook page; she may check his phone or his email. She is constantly looking for signs that he is cheating. Shouldn't she be looking for signs he is faithful instead. Wouldn't this make more sense?
By expecting a man to cheat, is it possible that this behaviour actually encourages him to cheat. Could this in part be why men cheat? Men need to be trusted to commit to a woman completely. If they don't feel trusted, they don't feel committed to the core. It's the woman that inspires a man to commit to the core. The commitment will never be solid if the trust is not there.
Then there is the universal law of attraction to consider. You are your thoughts and your thoughts create your world. If your thoughts are always all men cheat, you create your world of men who cheat. The women who are not cheated on are almost always positive in their thinking and don't even consider that a man would cheat nor question why men cheat. It's just not in their thoughts, therefore it doesn't manifest into their world.

I think another reason some are cheated on is simple because they accept the wrong partner and ignore the warning flags. They repeat this over and over and expect something to change. They are attracted to the bad boys. Bad boys cheat. This is something else to consider if you have been cheated on in your past. Did you accept the wrong man? Do you have a history of accepting the wrong man?
A man will not cheat on a woman he adores and respects. Are you that type of woman? Insecure non trusting women often are the one's cheated on more than the confident women. This is evidenced every day.