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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Rekindle The Passion In Your Relationship

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Anyone who's ever been in a long term relationship has seen how the flame of passion tends to fade over time. Even if you have a fantastic partner or wife, you usually only have a year or two max before "that can't-keep-your hands-off-each-other phase of your relationship" dies and you are stuck in a comfortable, but ultimately less than satisfying daily existence.
And nowhere does this reflect more than in our sex lives. Gone are the days of passionate sex-- no more greedily experimenting with new positions.
Those days are a memory. Sex today is routine, habitual, robotic, and boring. Oh sure, you still do it once or twice a week. But neither partner brings the kind of passion and enthusiasm to it that they used to.
How did we get here? More importantly, can we ever find our way back?
Well, we got here through bad habits and neglect. Can it be fixed? Absolutely.
And it's a lot easier than you think.
A large part of passion comes from excitement. Digging a little deeper, this excitement is mostly generated by three things: gratitude, hope, and mystery--gratitude that you finally found the kind of person who makes you happy, hope for the kind of future you've always dreamed of (one filled with fun new experiences and adventure) and the mystery of unwrapping your new partner like a Christmas gift and seeing what's inside.
And what happens in all of our relationship is that our idealized future eventually runs head on into reality and our gratitude fades. We run out of secrets to uncover about each other and we wake up every day knowing what to expect. Partners begin to take each other for granted. They stop trying too impress each other. The romance and passion fade.
Seems pretty hopeless, right? But it's not. Those 3 excitement building emotions are like matches. Strike them against the right surface and you've got your flame back.
Gratitude If you're being honest, you probably don't try nearly to romance your partner as you did when you first started dating. And the reason is that, like most of us do in long term relationships, you've started taking her for granted.
Gratitude is contagious. If you want to put the romance back into your marriage, the first thing you need to do is start seeing your wife or partner as you used to, and then act upon it.
You don't have to do anything extravagant like buy your woman an expensive jewelry. The secret to romance is making it a daily occurrence. All the small gestures you make will always add up to more than their sum.
Small gestures can be anything from giving an unasked foot rub to bringing your woman a bowl of her favorite ice cream when you come back from fridge may be with a fruit for yourself.
Even more important, though, are your words. More than anything, your woman wants to feel special again. And nothing makes her feel more special than you noticing positive things about her and commenting on them.
Do you like her dress? Tell her how sexy she looks in it. Were you impressed with how she handled herself in a tough situation? Let her know. Think she's a great mother? Thank her for it.
 Life has a way of draining our enthusiasm. The older we get the less we expect.
If you're stuck in a rut with your partner, the best way to regain your hopefulness is to plan for your future together. Start a conversation and reconnect today.
Is there a dream vacation you can plan together? Do either of you have unrealized career goals? Are you getting near retirement? What fun things can you do together with your extra time?
Planning together for a better tomorrow makes TODAY become more interesting and exciting.
Nothing beats a nice surprise, even if it's a small one. If you start doing little, unexpected things like meeting her for lunch on your work break or planning a surprise weekend getaway, she'll start spending part of her day wondering what new thing you have planned next.
Gift giving and other thoughtful acts have 10x the impact when they're spontaneous and unforced. This is why your obligatory flowers at Valentine's Day will earn you NOTHING while a single flower on a random day will earn you the world.
People tend to underestimate how much their own actions determine how their spouse or partner responds to them. If you want to rekindle the romance in your relationship, start today with no thought of immediate gratification. Keep at it and you'll see the change in your partner.

Friday, August 26, 2011

How Committed in Your Relationship?

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What are the benefits of creating a lasting, mature and fulfilling relationship? First of all you avoid the financial and emotional hardship of divorce. Also research indicates that people in happy healthy marriages are emotionally and physically healthier, have reduced risk of drug and alcohol abuse and have better relationship with their children. The reasons for staying committed are obvious and most people do not begin a marriage with the intention of ending in a nasty, hateful divorce. However, many people do not seem to be able or willing to stop their relationships from spiralling downward.
Although it is never too late to choose to improve your relationship, finding the motivation to do so is much easier when you are still happy with each other. Start early fortifying your relationship and be consistent. No relationship is so amazing that it will not suffer from neglect. Just as you would not expect your garden to be weed free and abundant without some attention, you cannot expect your relationship to be nourishing and fulfilling without some effort to make it so.
Commitment is an important part of a lasting relationship and making your relationship worth committing to is the first and most important commitment you will make. Keep that intention, of making your relationship wonderful, in mind and refuse to say, We do not know how and instead say, We will figure it out.
 You are both unique and what is best for your relationship is also unique. Consider the following suggestions, experiment and discover what works best for you.
Create rituals that tie you together. Rituals for parting and greeting, try hugging, kissing, smiling. Rituals for special days, decide how you will celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and other holidays that are important to you. Develop rituals for connecting every day, little touches that say, I am here or I love you.
Make plans for couple time. Unplug from and turn off the distractions and spend some quality time together. Try a minimum of 20 minutes a day and at least one weekend getaway a year, even if it has to be a staycation.
Enjoy in the present. With all your planning for and visualizing a positive future together, do not forget to enjoy today. Find ways to be grateful for even the tough days. Those are days when you can choose to support each other and to remember that, We will figure it out.
Give yourself a higher motivation. Choose to be good examples to your children or to your friends and family.
Learn and Grow. Learn about each other and about what it takes to make your relationship great. Choose to mature and grow together rather than apart.
Your relationship is worth nurturing and protecting and when you stay committed to making your relationship great it is easy to stay committed to each other.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

How to Attract a Man

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here have been many suppositions and guesswork around the topic of how to attract a man. There are many online resources for men around the topic of dating women but not the other way around. This article was written for women who desire to increase their chance of attracting their soul mate.
First, let's break some typical mind blocking issues: beauty as something to do with attraction with men but ONLY to a certain extent. From an evolutionary point of view, men were wired to look for a woman who can raise children. They are attracted to larger hips and breasts which are signs of fertility. This is no longer the case now. Without going really in-depth with this hypothesis, it means that men have dispositions for certain body type. This, however, does not reduce your chance of attracting your dream guy. You simply have to be aware of it.
So, what do men like in a woman? If you ask men that question, you will get countless different answers. But if you look closely, you can notice that even if they say they like a woman who has a sense of humour and outgoing, they might wind up marrying a close-minded work-oriented woman. That said, you have to know that most men do not really know what they are looking for in a woman. On the other hand, you can't let yourself fall in the same thinking trap. Know what you value, and what kind of man you are looking for.
By knowing that, you will not hesitate and this will boost your confidence level. Any individual that knows what they want is attractive. Nobody wants a lost puppy that can't take a decision for itself. Same goes for men and women.
Here are a few pointers you should check out if you want to attract a man:
©    Look good. And that doesn't mean getting surgery. It means dress nice, wear some makeup (notice I didn't say a TON of makeup), and find a perfume that suits you well.
Be confident. Sure it is easy to say, but think about it for a second. Why shouldn't you feel confident?
Don’t be boring. Boring people are... boring. Men do not enjoy the company of a silent ghost. Be the life of the party.
Now that you know how to attract a man: know who you are and what you value, look good and decide who you want to be with.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

You May be Blocking Love!

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n matters of the heart, if you want the law of attraction to work for you look at your beliefs about love. Some of them may not be true. They may actually block love and limit or defeat you in your quest for a life partner, nurturing family connections and rich, full friendships. It is the hidden beliefs, the ones we don't even know we have that usually cause the most trouble. But once you know what they are, you can begin to change them.
Here are some commonly held beliefs about love that can ruin a relationship and block the happiness that comes with sharing love with an open heart:
"I'm not good enough to be loved." Very few people go around saying "I am not good enough to be loved," but this belief shows up in a variety of ways. People who live by it astound their friends and family by how little they will settle for in a mate and by the amount of abuse they will take. Another clue that this belief is in effect is the inability to accept love when it is freely offered.
"Letting go is hard to do." Those with this belief suffer long and hard at the breakup of a relationship. Changing your focus from loss and pain to what you want to experience instead will help you to create that experience. The best way to let go is to reach for something else.
People who believe this fail to enjoy the other wonders in life-friends, family, and the glory of nature. The pride and pleasure of mastering new challenges mean little or nothing to them if they are not romantically involved.
"Love is scarce." This myth causes people to latch on and hold tight at the first hint of a budding relationship. They do not have relationships; they take hostages. When their "prisoners of love" struggle and sooner or later break free, it reinforces the belief that the potential for a loving relationship is slim.
"Rejection" has to be painful and is to be avoided at all cost." This belief prevents relationships from growing and changing in intimacy and strength. It causes fear-based communication and interaction. If you and your partner are not a good match, the sooner you know the better. You can wish each other well and improve your chances of finding a more compatible match.
"I wasted my love on him, or her." As if there were some huge rotting garbage heap of wasted love somewhere! Although sometimes you may not like the results of the choices you make, that does not mean that the experience of loving was wasted.
Some may see Love as something you acquire and trade like a commodity. They think it results in constant calculation and evaluation, this belief ends in shallow exchanges and loneliness. For the man or woman who operates from this belief, it also seems real that others view him or her in the same calculating way.
"If you loved me, you would _____ (fill in the blank)." Those who suffer (and suffer they do!) from this conclusion measure how loved they are by whether their lovers give in to their demands. The demands escalate until they drive loved ones away or create a living nightmare instead of a loving partnership.
"I don't have anyone to love." You can fill your heart with love at anytime. You don't have to tell them you are doing it! That loving feeling is hard to beat!
What do you do when you find a limiting or self-defeating belief? This discovery is the first step to freedom. Here are four more.
©    Write the belief down so you can focus on it. Ask yourself, "Is that true?" Write your answer down. The goal is simply to determine if you really think that particular belief is true. Many times this question will be enough to liberate you from a belief that has blocked your ability to love and be loved.
©    If the belief still seems true to you, ask "Why do I believe that? What seems true about this belief?"
©    If your belief disappeared, would that be ok? The answer to this might surprise you. It often leads to the discovery of some hidden fear you may need to work through.
©    Sometimes we are reluctant to part with a belief we have lived by for a long time. Ask "What might I be concerned would happen if I did not believe that?" Let your thoughts and imagination go with this one. Write freely. A masterpiece can come later. Right now give voice to the response that comes when you ask the question.
When you see for yourself that something you have believed, maybe for years, is simply not true, you open the door to new possibilities. What lies on the other side of limiting and self-defeating beliefs? Infinite opportunities to fill your life with love and happiness.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

There is Hope After an Affair

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he lasting strains that infidelity places upon a marriage are far reaching and very painful. The issues of trust, healing, friendship and commitment all become a challenge for the both of you. Which once came easy in the marriage is now extremely difficult. The hot and cold tidal waves that hit you each and every day can be overbearing. Due to this, most people have a negative predetermined outcome set in their minds, making thoughts of reconciliation tough for them to visualize. Inevitably that spouse begins to lose hope.
Losing Hope
It's normal during the post--affair healing process to have setbacks, roadblocks and feelings of hopelessness get in the way of healing. They are not uncommon and should be expected. How you handle these inevitable situations will set the tone for your future success. In this article I will be laying out three action steps the spouse with hope can take to get their hopeless partner back on track.
©    Take the Lead
The greatest leaders in history all had one thing in common, they lead by example. They said what they meant and meant what they said. Do the same thing. If you are committed to saving the marriage show them by your words followed up with action. Show them your commitment to the healing process. Outline in a letter the reasons why you haven't lost hope and give it to your spouse. Seek out new ideas, new books, new them you mean business. If you lead from the front and they will follow.
©    Don't Take It Personally
The stresses of rebuilding after an affair compound themselves around you so much sometimes it can feel like you can't breathe. This is happening and all the while life continues. Work, kids, family, friends, house care, shopping... all the normal bits and pieces of life that used to be easy seem to creep up and swamp you. It's easy to see how one could lose hope. Don't take this personally. Your spouse is still there, trying to work it out or else they would have moved on. This setback really has less to do with you and more to do with the situation. Whether they are the offending party or you are is irrelevant. Hopelessness can hit either one of you. Just don't take it personally.
©    Remembering You This is very important. Not forgetting to take time to focus on yourself is a critical element wherever you find yourself in the healing process. What can you do to improve? What parts of the marriage can you contribute to more? What role do you want to play? How can you be a better friend, partner, or lover? I am by no mean suggesting you become a doormat, but taking time to do a good self evaluation is healthy in any marriage, even one suffering through an affair. It requires dedication to get through. It’s not going to be easy, but in the end it will all worth it.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Ways To Enhance Your Relationship

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nconditional Love - Loving someone unconditionally is extremely hard to do, but it can be done. Loving them unconditionally means making no judgments and learning to love them no matter what their faults. You may not like or agree with everything they do, but continuing to love them is the best gift you can give them
©    Building and Earning Trust - Your partner must build trust with you and you must earn their trust in return. You must both be completely committed to the relationship and work hard to keep out outside interferences. Sometimes it's extremely hard to do, but if you work together it is something that can be done.
©    Encouragement and Support - Show your partner that you encourage what they do, whether it is a career choice or returning to school. Support them in their decision and really back them up when they probably need it the most. Let them know you will be there for them for their successes, but for their failures if that should come too.
©    Touch your partner - Touch is extremely important for most people whether they realize it or not. It is nice to have that human contact even if it is as simple as touching a person's arm when you talk to them. It can also be as romantic as touching their face when you kiss them or just look into their eyes. Never underestimate the power of the physical touch!
©    Connect with each other - Time together is important. Schedule some time if you have to, but do it. Relax and enjoy the time together. Laugh and play all you can before "real life" rolls back in with its daily stressors.
©    Be there - Simply be there for your partner. If they've had a bad day, allow them to talk about it if they want to or allow them not to talk about it if they don't want to at that moment. Just being there most of the time is enough for anyone. Your presence will be a great support for your partner. When they are ready to talk, they will.
©    Maintain Monogamy - You and your partner should both agree to keep the relationship monogamous. Not only will you lower the risk of infectious disease, you will learn about your partner, learn to trust your partner and you will begin to have more fun with each other sexually. Once you develop a loving, lasting relationship and the trust is built, you will reach the comfort zone of being able to share with your partner so many things and they will do the same.
©    Never Take Your Partner for Granted -Let your partner know that you notice the things they do and that they are appreciated. No matter who you are, male or female, you like to know that those you love notice the little things you do and that they appreciate all you do. It can be something huge or something small, but either way, let your partner know that you do appreciate what they do for you.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Connect With Your Man's Heart

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ou are loyal and devoted to your man but you want to get or improve your emotional connection with him; you want to communicate with his heart so that you have a stronger heart-to-heart connection. So how do you communicate with a man's heart?
©    Increase your verbal appreciation. To get him to let you into his heart and to be totally committed to you; you need to verbalize your appreciation. You may think he is wonderful and he looks great and his smile makes your day but if it is bottled inside of you then it does nothing for him and it doesn't strengthen your relationship as much as it should. To communicate with a man's heart means that you get him to open his heart more to you. And honest verbal appreciation is a great heart opener. When at odd times of the day you remember his quirky smile or walk or whatever it is; let him know.
©    Reduce your criticism. Nothing shuts up his heart like criticism so tone that down if you want him to open his heart to you. He may not be Mr. Perfect but you do not want your focus to be on all the things that he does wrong. It is human nature to be critical and you must work against your natural tendency to be a critical fault finder. Let him know when he does something that annoys you to no end but avoid him associating you with 'all the things that he can't do' or him seeing you as Ms. Joy-Killer.  Accept that he is not perfect and your criticism will not make him change his ways and may actually make him dig in his heels and stubbornly continue to do something just to prove a point to you. This also makes him shut his heart and harden it to you as he focuses on proving to you that no one made you god in his life.
©    Talk him up! Whenever he does something that you asked or needed done let him know that you appreciate him doing that and being a man of his word. Talk him up so that he catches your vision of him as greater than he actually is right now. Nothing gets a man to open up his heart to you than knowing that you believe he is something that he suspected he was but wasn't sure that he was. Your ability to see greatness in him will get him to open his heart to you and build his commitment to you.
©    Be happy in you and in your life. If your life sucks and nothing in it works then he cannot do anything about it. If you want him to save you from your misery then he will feel frustrated with that insurmountable task and he will thus tend to shut down his heart as he just cannot handle it. You must make peace with yourself and with what you do in life so keep growing as a person in your career, in your relationship and as a person. To communicate with a man's heart requires that you are joyful and confident enough to be able to do that. If you are buried in your own misery and inadequacies then it's hard for you to really focus on anyone else besides yourself.
©    Be on his side or part of his team. Let him know by your words and deeds that you are on his side in life. Resist the temptation to get in on any criticism bandwagon even if it is being done in jest as sometimes it's really not funny having the person you love criticizing you with others. You want him to know with certainty that regardless of what others say or are on his side. You appreciate and love him and believe that he is Mr. Wonderful regardless of what others say. His heart will open to you and his commitment to you will rise.
To communicate with a man's heart requires a deliberate effort on your part especially if you have been together for a while and contempt for him has began to creep into your thoughts and speech. The 5 helps given should get you back on the path to an open heart and commitment from both of you.