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Saturday, September 3, 2011

Poor Communication

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There are big and small causes or reasons why relationships don't work. Some include minor infractions as lack of time or inability to make a date, which one perceives as an important occasion. Some are major as lying, stressing even the best of relationships. If not properly addressed, your relationship issues may turn bad or later come back to haunt you. If well handled though, this leads to a stronger relationship breaking through to another level of relationship understanding.
Most of the time, reasons for problems can be attributed to basic communication. With poor communication, when both parties are not open, do not share or are not truthful, you can expect troubles to arise. You often hear 'it takes two to tango' or a relationship is 'like a highway that goes both ways'. These figurative statements in fact embody what a good relationship needs, two-way communication for it to work.
Sad endings caused by bad communications that lead to many complications, causing a wedge between or breaking up of the relationship or bond. Some of these complications are discussed below:
Poor Communication in Your Relationship Leads to Secrecy:  When you don't speak to each other often, you learn to keep secrets. Sometimes consciously, sometimes unwittingly you do so because you got used to this lack of sharing. Without honesty, those little secrets become big ones that will cause your relationship to fall apart.
Poor Communication in Your Relationship Leads to Distrust: The recipient of your lies is sure to react badly when she finds out of your dishonesty. You may think you may never be found out but it only takes someone who knows to expose you.
Poor Communication in Your Relationship Leads to Misunderstanding:  Inability to meet expectations is one reason for misunderstanding. You will be unable to do the things expected if you do not know what they are. Asking is best for understanding.
Poor Communication in Your Relationship Leads to Arguments:  Expect fireworks when news or secrets not shared comes out. Better yet, before the argument happens, imagine your partner's reaction if you keep things from her. Fast forward to what happens after, you should be forewarned.
Poor Communication in Your Relationship Leads to Anger, Fear and Suffering: Verbal anger may be easier to handle as you can hear and feel the emotions. You can actually seek to resolve this via better communication. On the other hand, feelings that are bottled up as resentment or anger can later turn to hate if your partner refuses to share. This is the same for fear that leads to suffering. Communicate to be understood.
Make it a habit to be truthful, to be open. Discussing concerns or issues make you both aware what the other wants from the relationship and can adjust to these expectations. Good communication is the key to harmony in your relationship or in your marriage. Ensure the smooth flow of communication between you and your loved one to keep your relationship free from hurt or harm. Go for smooth sailing all the way.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Work on a Broken Relationship

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Are you experiencing a broken relationship? If you are, then you know how traumatic it can be. It seems that your world has been turned upside down and nothing seems right. It's hard to sleep. You have no appetite. You don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. And you are in danger of becoming severely depressed! If you're wondering what you can do to save a broken relationship then you have come to the right place.
Do you know that most relationships and marriages can be saved? All you have to do is be willing to put in enough time and effort.
Why is it so hard?
Broken relationships are so tough to get through because when we are in relationship with others we learn to depend on them so much. Other people enrich our lives and make things better. They take away the loneliness. And loneliness "trumps" everything. Even people who are in bad or abusive relationships often will stay in them because of the fear of being alone.
So if you are ready to save your broken relationships, here are a few tips to get you started.
First you must decide if your relationship is worth saving as it is. You might have to do some soul searching on this one. Do you really love the other person? Do they love you? Or are you two just hanging out together, passing time? If the feeling you have for each other is true love then it is worth fighting for.
Next, try to figure out what caused the breakup in the first place. It could be some minor thing that can be easily fixed or something that is more complicated and has to be healed over time. Figure out what it is and you will have solved half of the problem.
Once you know what the root cause is, then you can begin to correct it. Now understand this, the symptoms are not the root cause.
Here's an example: Your mate has stopped talking to you. You don't know why and no matter what you do, he still seems quiet and detached. You have forgotten about the other day when you were tired and he was kidding around with you and you said something to hurt his feelings.
The "not talking to you" is the symptom. The hurt feelings are the root cause. So be sure you discover the root cause and correct it.
Thirdly, you have to understand that great relationships are not built overnight. They take a lot of time and effort and the people who enjoy them have put in that time and effort.
Be consistent. This cannot be overstated. If you are continually showing love and affection for your mate then eventually they will get the message. But you must do it consistently, all the time, even when you don't feel like it and even when they are not returning that love and affection.
If you are trying to save a broken relationship, then following the above advice will go a long way in making it happen.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Are You Really Falling in Love When You are Passing Through These Phases? Find out!

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"Is it love?" You are wondering just like David Coverdale does each time he performs the emblematic ballad. Others will be able to tell if you are truly falling in love but you have difficulties reading the signs.
Falling in love is a beautiful process that happens to be exceptionally difficult to describe. Passion, butterflies in the stomach, racing heart and dry mouth are all showing you that something truly special is happening. Can you be sure that this is really love?
The phases of falling in love are very similar, though each person experiences this beautiful sentiment in a unique, unforgettable way. If you are still wondering, here are the main phases that will help you decide if you are really falling in love.
Butterflies in the Stomach
The beginning of a love is a wonderful, embarrassing, thrilling and ecstatic process. It is connected to a number of weird physiological changes each time you meet that potential soul mate. You feel dizzy and you get butterflies in the stomach. You lose your capability to speak and act as a rational human being. Your heart races and you begin experiencing hot and cold flashes.
These first signs tell you that the person is really special and that you are starting to experience an emotional change. It is still early to tell whether this is love or lust. This first phase will soon transform into something deeper.
Trying to Impress the Other
You will next be trying to impress each other, doing everything to keep the other person happy and coming back. 
You will begin paying more attention to your appearance. Wardrobe changes, new hairstyles and appearance experiments will be something very typical. Each new date is awaited eagerly, though it causes some discomfort and uneasiness.
Passion, Passion, Passion
Soon, you will be moving to the realm of passion. This is yet another very typical phase of falling in love.  The need to caress each other, to hug and to touch each other is constant and exceptionally strong.
The phase of passion and physical exploration is strongest during these first stages of love. That person seems like the most special being. You are impressed by each move and each new outfit. The two of you have the potential to mesmerise each other.
Getting to Know Each Other
Apart from passion, you will also be experiencing emotional and intellectual proximity. This is one of the most beautiful stages of falling in love. The two of you talk about other things. You share childhood memories and intimate information. The comfort level increases and you experience safety and security in the presence of the other person.
You are now really capable to imagine your future together. You think of that first anniversary. It is easy to imagine even a marriage proposal, a bridal shower and a wedding soon after.
The Bond Becomes Stronger
As you continue falling in love, the bond between the two of you will become even stronger. That initial fear and nervous expectation is no longer there. You cannot wait to see each other.
You begin knowing that other person and loving each aspect of it. Accepting bad habits and shortcomings appears to be something easy to do. You love that person, you love the qualities and imperfections.
Falling in love is glorious. Each time, it will be one of the most amazing experiences in a human's life. Love cannot be described and classified. It needs to be experienced. Just like the phases that lead to it.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Time for Tough Love

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Let's face it. We live in a consumer culture. At first it started with the material world, and unfortunately, this habit of disposable goods has leaked into the realm of relationships.
I see people leave their partners and here are some of the reasons.
"We just don't communicate well."
"I couldn't be there anymore."
It is time for tough love: these are not reasons to leave. The above are excuses tied to our culture's WORSHIP of our emotions and valuing how we feel more than anything else.
Don't get me wrong: feelings are great, however, they change in a split second! And they can be altered, all too easily, by our obsessive thinking. In other words they are not reliable!
To put it another way: our egos are constantly collecting evidence to support whatever idea will keep it "safe" in the moment. Ego is safe when there is no growth, no change, no risk.
When we take a commitment, it is just that, a commitment to stay the course no matter what. I love the phrase "It is called a commitment, not a convenience." This is hard to swallow for a culture that is used to disposing of things when we are displeased with them.
Love is a Decision
What about looking inside instead of blaming the other person? When there is something wrong, a disturbance in the force, we always have the opportunity to show up in a new way. We can always ask ourselves, "What am I contributing to this situation? Am I making things worse simply by taking what they are doing personally? How can I show up in love and commitment?"
In no way do I imply that one should endure abuse of any nature. I do suggest that our relationships have become too easy to throw away. This is so sad, because real intimacy comes from weathering storms together and transcending obstacles in a team spirit.
Yogi Bhajan said that without commitment, there was no chance for happiness. What that means to me is: if I don't commit to something, I am caught suffering in the endless cycle of "should I or shouldn't I?" which is mental gymnastics that I do not want to play anymore.
We aren't trained to stay committed. We aren't trained to approach problems-even with each other-from a team spirit. It isn't easy, but it is possible.
Your Assignment:
Reflect on times that you really committed to something and what that did for you, your self-esteem, your personal growth. Are you willing to stay the course even though it may be uncomfortable? Are you willing to allow love to be a decision rather than an emotion?

Monday, August 29, 2011

Some Simple Strategies to Follow

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Let us start with something simple.
You promise your partner that you will take her out to dinner. You (and take your pick): forget, have a better date, don't feel like it, have no money for a date, did not really mean it, etc. etc. And you also forget to inform her.
What just happened? Simply, you have now committed several errors of omission and commission and perhaps of judgement.
1. You gave no notice of your absence
2. You did not apologize for your bad behavior
3. You broke a promise
4. You made no follow up
5. Maybe you or did not, but did you think of making restitution of some kind?
Unfortunately, simple and unintended omissions of this kind can be fatal to a relationship. So let us examine how we can not only avoid such pitfalls but actually elevate our relationships. Here are some simple to follow rules.
1. Reciprocate:  but do so intelligently. Some people, e.g. try to read other person's mind to guage if the gesture is genuine, what is behind it, how will it cost me and so on and so forth. In most cases a simple reciprocal gesture will suffice. A thank you, a quick smile. This reciprocity is essential because it brings elegance to the relationship.
2. Commitment: Make commitments you can keep. In my example above, the person promising someone a dinner date should have made that commitment only after making sure he could.
3. Follow through: this is very important. Even if the date above had been kept, a follow up with "how did it go, did you like it, I thoroughly enjoyed myself with you" will go a long way to boost the quality of the relationship.
4. Evaluation: relationships need to be evaluated periodically and more important, critically. Go through an honest appraisal of your relationship to see if there is reciprocity, if either party in the relationship is tiring of the relationship and if there are actions to be taken to correct or improve it.