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Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Importance of Communication In Marriage

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ne of the most common problems in a marriage comes from a lack of proper communication techniques. Learning proper ways of communicating with your spouse can turn any marital problems you may be experiencing around quickly. Communication in marriage is so important in a relationship; bad communication or lack of it can actually destroy your relationship. In fact, some may say that communication is the single most important aspect in a marriage. You will be very surprised by what you can accomplish when you learn to communicate and listen instead of talking and hearing. Can you see the difference?
Let Your Feelings Out
If you really want to begin learning effective communication with your spouse, you will want to get the negative feelings out. If you harbour negative feelings and thoughts about your spouse without letting them out, not only will these feelings consistently tug on your heart and thoughts, you stand the chance of letting them come out at the worst times.
If you let your feelings out in a controlled environment, such as a simple planned discussion with your spouse, this will be much better situation than letting it out without thinking before you speak.
Be Careful of Negativity
Unloading all of your negativity onto your partner at once is one of the worst things you can do. This is certainly not an effective communication method. Though as mentioned above, you should make sure you are letting negative feelings out, you don't want to let them out at one time without mixing positives in there as well.
If your spouse feels like they are getting flooded with negative feelings, you can place a sure bet that they are going to lash out with defensive behaviours, which again, is very ineffective when it comes to proper communication in marriage. Don't be afraid to let negative feelings out when you are communicating with your partner, but don't give them all negative feelings. Point out some of the things you love about them as well and make sure you are thinking before you speak.
Listening instead of Hearing
Communication in marriage is not a one way street and you should not expect to be the only person talking during a planned discussion. You need to listen just as much as you are speaking. Effective listening is just as important as speaking.
The difference between listening and hearing is actual understanding. You may hear the words your spouse is telling you, but without listening, you cannot understand what they are saying. You should allow your partner to tell you what they have on their mind without you jumping to a conclusion or interrupting them with your own thoughts or feelings. It is important to acknowledge your partner's feelings with positivity.
Let Time Pass
It is true that time can heal wounds and you should also allow time to pass before making any rash decisions or giving your partner a rebuttal during a long discussion. Let the information and opinions sink in and always think before you speak.
When you are ready to speak, make sure your tone is calm and even. Shouting should have no place in these discussions.
Resolve Problems before Stopping the Talk
When you have planned to have a discussion with your spouse, it is important to resolve every problem that you can reasonably resolve before closing the doors of communication. Though you cannot possibly solve everything in one discussion, you can certainly feel better about your spouse after communicating and this is where you should be before you decide to end the talking for the time.
Discussing a plan of resolution with your spouse can help you work on any problems in your marriage together. When you work together, you work as one, which is just what a marriage should be.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Things You Must Know Before Heading to The Altar

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You have met the love of your life and the wedding bells are just around the corner. You are excited and busy making arrangement for your wedding. Friends and family are around to give a helping hand. The date is already fixed, the gown is ready and you are ready counting down to the D-day. But wait a moment! Have you really researched on MARRIAGE? Have you asked questions and did you really get genuine answers? What is your dream about marriage and how do you plan to achieve them?
So before taking that plunge, there are certain things you must know, that is if you have not yet researched. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman to become husband and wife. It is the wish of every parent to see their children happily married. If you are not well informed as you think necessary then I suggest you read through
Marriage Is An Institution
You must have heard this on so many occasions, but what does it really mean? It is a relationship bounded by law. This makes it established and recognized as expected; the persons involved can now exercise their rights as stipulated. In marriage, vows are exchanged, and you are expected to live with them and not the way you like. It's not a relationship where you remain when the going is "good" and quit when it gets "tough". It is a relationship that is expected to last throughout life with your partner. Whether it is rosy or rough, you are meant to really stick to each other.
 Love is a sure foundation in marriage. This would take you through so many hurdles and challenges. You must be willing to adjust, expand, accommodate and forgive if you truly love your partner.
You Must Want To Keep Your Home
If you have committed to be life partners then, you must seriously be ready to work and keep working and keep working, working and working to keep it. You actually never stop. It is a huge task. If you really want it, you would go out all the way to keep it. You must want it.
No Revenge Rather Speak Out
Rather than fight or plan revenge against your partner, be prepared to talk, communicate, speak out. Talk...mind you, I did not say nag (please it would not take you anywhere trust me!). Keep the communication link open. Invest the energy for revenge to positive changes. I mean invest in making yourself better and how to tackle the issue on ground to get better result. If you want to remain married, revenge should be at the bottom of your list.
Making A Family
The children can come immediately or later, either way, this would affect the marriage. The effect could be positive or negative depending on how it is handled. Having children early would affect your time, plans, career, your relationship with your husband, body, finances...These are some of the challenges. On the brighter side, having children early in your marriage is a thing of joy. Children are blessings from God. Most marriages today are still praying for children to complete their joy.
Waiting For The Fruit Of The Womb
Having children late or still hoping could be a very difficult time in the relationship. There would be extended family involvement, mockery, a lot of pains, strained relationships, huge expenditure involving hospital visits, disappointments...If you do find yourself in any of this predicament, be patient with yourself and each other. Hold on and you would overcome. You would survive and succeed.
You have to be considerate here. You must be willing to respond to each other needs. Your body belongs to your partner so also your partner's body belongs to you. Do not starve your partner of sex just because you had disagreement or quarrel. Do not use sex as a weapon for revenge. It may work for a while but would eventually boomerang on you. Learn to satisfy each other and be considerate. If you withhold sex from your partner (especially women) he may have no choice but to look outside. I don't think that is what you really want or what you want to achieve from your revenge. Tell each other what you like and teach if you have to. Be patient too. Keep your sex life active. In the early years of marriage, this is natural as you cannot get enough of each other. However, with the children coming, increasing financial pressure, body changes, things may gradually slow down, become boring or eventually stop! This is when you have to work on yourselves and consciously plan to revive it.
How do you sustain your lifestyle? Would both of you work or one? The questions are numerous but you really need to sort out all of them one after the other. This is because you must have a viable source of income or at least a strong potential. Your financial status would determine to some extent your ambition and goals as individuals and as a family. You should be able to discuss and plan about your future when the children come, building your home, setting up a business etc. You must plan; set a target and work together to achieve your goals. As a popular saying goes "Failing to plan is planning to fail"
Hold On To Your Faith
When challenges do come, this would keep you going... your faith in God. Pray, pray and pray and still pray. Just keep doing that.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

How to Satisfy Your Woman Effectively in Bed (Mature Minds Only)

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Sexuality in women is far more complicated than men. While men can only orgasm through their penis, women have multiple parts in their body which can be used for sexual pleasure. In women clitoris is considered to be the most sensitive sexual organ as well as stimulation of g spot can help in achieving intense orgasms while some women are so sexually sensitive that they can orgasm just through the fondling of their breasts
A woman's body is quite complicated and men often get confused in deciding what they should do to satisfy a woman sexually because achieving orgasms are very important for women and yes like men some women also ejaculate in an intense way.
Although a woman can achieve an orgasm through stimulation of clitoris but a true intense orgasm she will experience is when all her sexual orgasms are stimulated equally. Making a woman orgasm through this technique will not only make her feel sexually satisfied but also bring her more closer to you as she would be satisfied that her man knows her body well and truly deserves to be her partner.
A big turn off for a woman is when her partner seems to be in hurry for sexual intercourse. Getting down straight to the act of penetration will greatly reduce the chances of experiencing sexual pleasure but it might also cause pain in the vagina because of lack of lubrication (a vagina becomes lubricated through sexual stimulation of her vital sexual arousal points).
Proven Ways Of Giving Successful Orgasms
It is very essential for men to understand the right ways of making women experience intense orgasms.
The first step to lovemaking is generally kissing so not only concentrate on her lips but kiss her all over the body her breasts, neck, navel,  stimulate them all with kissing and make kissing her a habit because women just love it madly.
Second most crucial thing is to concentrate on her breasts and spend at least 5 to 10 minutes on them. A woman's level of arousal can be easily ascertained by looking at her nipples. A fully erect set of nipples means that a woman is fully aroused and ready for experiencing intense multiple orgasms. Stimulation of her breasts will also lubricate her genitals and prepare her for smooth penetration.
Maintaining optimal health levels is very important to enjoy sexual activities. So take care of yourself and help yourself to a great sexual life.
So coming back to our main topic if you want to make your woman crave for you in bed it is very important to understand a woman's body. You will not become a master of sex in one day but if you follow the above techniques you will surely win your partner’s heart.
Be healthy and happy.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Love Tips

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ow's your love life?
Are you in the relationship you choose to be in, experiencing life's ups and downs within a warm bubble of togetherness?
Or is love a rather sore point for you at the moment?
If you fall into the last category, my heart goes out to you, and I promise you that in time your pain will heal. Actually, let me rephrase that: If your pain is being caused by a painful relationship, and YOU CHANGE THE CIRCUMSTANCES, your pain will heal. If however, you choose to remain in a toxic relationship, expect more pain. If you have chosen to walk away from a toxic relationship because you know you deserve better - congratulations! Even though it may hurt now, you will heal and one day, be ready for the healthy relationship you know you deserve.
Kind of like having an infection cut out - the operation hurts, but you know you'll be happier and healthier in the long run. And like any medical procedure, it takes courage to acknowledge there is a problem and seek treatment. Often relationships can be fixed with counselling, and I definitely recommend you try this before going under the knife (so to speak). There is so much value in a long-term committed relationship that has ridden the bumps - if it can be saved - save it. If it can't be saved, and you've tried everything - cut it out and move on.
Fix it or flick it! Life is too short for bad relationships. You deserve a happy life!
1. Do not even ATTEMPT to have a relationship with someone else unless your relationship with yourself is tip top. You will just make two people unhappy. Work on yourself first if your self esteem could do with a boost.
2. Review entering into a relationship with anyone showing signs of narcissism. The chances of you 'fixing' them are slim to none. There are doctors for that type of thing.
3. If you're in a relationship that needs work admit it to yourself, talk about it with your partner, then fix it (be patient - fixing can take time).
4. If you're in a great relationship (yo! good for you!) keep it that way by appreciating what you love about your partner. Every day write down something you're grateful for about your partner. Better still, put it in a heartfelt letter and watch your relationship reach new heights! (Remember - what you focus on you get more of).

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Elements of Love

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hilosophers have been struggling to find an adequate definition of love for thousands of years. Love is a complex subject. It is fluid and changes over time as a relationship ages. What is love to one person may not be to another. Is love a feeling or an emotion? Is love a more cognitive concept; such as a choice? What is the difference between hearing "I like you" and "I love you"? An article by Sternberg argues that a love relationship consists of three elements, namely: intimacy, passion, and commitment. When a relationship is based on just one or two of these components the love relationship takes on a different character. A relationship based only on intimacy, for example, is no more than just liking a person. Similarly, when a relationship is only based on passion the relationship is infatuation. When a relationship is only based on commitment we find empty love; the couple is just living together. There can also be combinations of two elements in a love relationship, such as, intimacy and passion resulting in romantic love. Other possible combinations are between intimacy and commitment resulting in companionate love, and between commitment and passion resulting in fatuous love.
What is very important is that most happy, healthy, and lasting relationships contain all three of these elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg calls such love consummate love. There is also an element of love which I believe is as important as the other three. That element of love is relational safety. Relational safety has to do with how safe each partner feels in the relationship. These elements asks the following questions:
©    Is it safe to tell you my secrets?
©     Can I really open up my heart to you? 
©     Will you still love me if you know who I really am? 
©     Will you use my disclosure against me later on? 
©     Will you laugh at me or joke at my expense if I tell you what I really think? 
©     Is my heart safe in your hands? 
©     Will you keep my heart's secrets safe?
Without relational safety real emotional intimacy will not develop into a deep and rich experience. Marital love requires emotional intimacy, physical passion, commitment, and safety for it to flourish and last.
It may be helpful to assess your relationship along these four elements of love. Are there one or more elements of love which are not doing well in your relationship? Is your relationship balanced (regarding these elements)? Is there any element that you may need to work on? You may find it beneficial to:
• Regularly have a heart to heart talk with your spouse about these four elements of love
•Honestly inquire how committed you are
• Measure emotional intimacy by how often you talk and about what you talk
• Romance, play, and build the passion between you
• Resolve to be a safe spouse
Relationships are all about how we relate. Do a lot of relating with your spouse this week.

Monday, November 7, 2011

It Does Not Have to Be a Game

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Hearing love get described as a game that gets played between two people happens so often, it sometimes becomes the way that people think it really is or at least the way that it has to be. This can lead to you having some pretty interesting ideas on the subject of love, some that may not be very beneficial to you at all. The good news is this. Love does not have to be a game after all.
When some describe it as being a game it can conjure up two images that are very opposite from one another. One image is that of two people having fun with each other and truly enjoying the company of each other. The other image is that of two people caught up in a maze of deceit and manipulation. It's the second image that seems to be most common and that is the one that does not have to be a part of your reality in the least bit.
There is a reason why love can seem like that.
That is because it's not truly love at all, but merely a poor attempt at making it so. Two people come together and either want to fall for each other or they have some other ulterior motive. And as a result, the games begin and in the end, someone or both of them are going to wind up getting hurt.
If you don't want it to be that way, here is some advice that you can take to heart:
1) Decide that you want the real thing and not a poor facsimile.
The one thing that seems to be so common amongst people, that get caught up in poor representations of what love is, is that they are so eager to have a loving relationship that they will put up with a bad situation just so that they can have one. If you decide that this is not going to be the way that it is for you, then you are already off to a good start.
2) Learn how to read through the words that a person uses.
Verbal communication tends to be what we focus on the most and yet in many ways. A person who has bad intentions or does not have the capability to be in a loving relationship can still have the skill to put together the right words at the right time. If you want to make sure that you don't fall into a bad situation, then you need to learn how to read through their words so that you can get a real picture of who they really are.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

5 Tips to Succeed in Long Distance Relationship

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thers may say that being in a long distance relationship is not possible. On the contrary, it is very doable. But to make it work, you need to put a lot of effort into it. The hardest thing about long distance relationships is the possibility that your other half may get attracted to other people.
If your partner is a thousand miles away and you constantly worry about the status of your relationship, knowing these tips will be very useful to you and your partner.
Define the Relationship
If you haven't put a label on whatever it is you're doing, then this might be the perfect time to do so. Defining the relationship is a very good first step on tackling your anxiety. What kind of couple are you? Boyfriend-girlfriend, exclusive, engaged, open relationship, pick one and stick to it.
Defining the relationship, means you know your boundaries. If you have your boundaries, you will know what actions are allowable or not.
Communicate as Frequently as Possible
There are a lot of tools to do this, use them always. Communication really is the key to lessen your anxiety. If you trust your partner enough to agree on a long distance relationship, then I believe that his or her word will be good enough to calm you down.
Put an Expiration Date
There should be a time that your long distance relationship will just be a relationship minus the big distance. Having a date or a goal on when the two of you will be together is really important. It will diminish your anxiety bit by bit as every day passes and you get nearer to your goal.
Visit each Other
Got the means to do this? Then you should both do this as frequently as possible. Visiting each other is a nice gesture. It shows that you really care for each other and you are willing to go to great lengths just to see your partner.
Nothing beats the feel and smell of the person you love. Scheduling a weekend getaway just the two of you will be a mini vacation from your long distance relationship. At this point you could talk better and reassure each other again. Or, simply relax and enjoy each other’s company.
More Trust
It's pretty obvious right? You are getting anxious because you don't trust your partner enough. Then all you have to do is get over it and accept the situation you are in. Trusting your partner will rid you of your anxiety and will give you that peace of mind.
If you are feeling a little jittery from all your suspicious thinking then a call wouldn't hurt. Remind yourself of the goal you've set up and take a breather and relax.
Being anxious from time to time is really normal and is actually healthy. But if you are getting anxious everyday of things that might be happening you are not seeing then get a hold of yourself.
Long distance relationships are very simple, but it is not easy. Just hold on and be strong, keep the flame of love alive.