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Saturday, November 19, 2011

Tips to Finding Your Love

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rom a spiritual perspective we are one, whole, without the need for completeness. However, in our human experience we identify ourselves as separated bodies. The sense of desolation creates an underlying desire for unification with another. If that weren't enough, we perceive worldly benefits of being in a relationship such as family and companionship. Regardless of the motivation, romantic relationships can be rewarding. Here are 4 spiritual tips to help you find your love.
Be selfless. Don't seek out a relationship "to get something." If you're seeking a relationship to gain something may be materially it is destined for failure. A healthy relationship is one where two people are helping each other be the best people possible (with no strings attached.)
Be available.  The right person may be just in front of you, if you not available or making yourself not accessible, you might miss the opportunity of hooking up with the best person God destined for you. Once you intuitively identify the person, there is no need making things difficult to connect with the person. Just make yourself available and let God handles the rest.
Make it about them. When you meet a potential partner, rather than worry about what to say, not to say, seek to learn about the other person. Take interest in what is relevant to him or her. Ask lots of questions and probe areas that are of particular interest to them or that you share in common. People enjoy it when they are made to feel as if they matter. This feels good and gives good reason for them to want to see you again.
Transcend rejection. Your fear of rejection should not prevent you from making a move. Rejection is real, however it doesn't define you. You are not less of a person because someone is not attracted to you, it's never personal. If you like someone, find the courage to express a romantic interest. And if they're not interested, bless them well, move on.
Relationship presents the most intense opportunity for spiritual growth and self evolvement. Lifelong relationship makes the space for two people to share in an intimate love experience. If you find yourself with the desire to share in that experience I hope these tips guide you to that discovery.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Discover the peace and joy that's yours.

Friday, November 18, 2011

How to Cope with "After Break-UP"

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 breakup, essentially, is the termination of a relationship through any means except death. So, if no physical death occurred, something probably still died, in a way. It may be the death of your love for your partner, or the death of effective communication between the both of you, the death of your other priorities... Something has been terribly affected by the relationship that you're left with no choice but to cut the affair short.
And of course, all breakups are painful. It's undeniable, regardless of the level of pain it may have given you. That is because a breakup signifies a certain death of all the dreams and promises and plans you shared together with your ex. All the wasted time and the memories cherished - they're now part of a regrettable past. This is why we experience a definite sense of disappointment and frustration.
To recover for a breakup is a very difficult thing to do, yes, but I also need to remind you that you CAN, MUST, and WILL move on from the past relationship. All you need is a little bit of time to heal, patience, and a good form of distraction.
There are three aspects in healing yourself after a breakup. First is coping, or the process of restoring the rest of your life routines after the relationship is lost. Second is grieving, or the process of contemplating the loss of the relationship. Third is learning, where you discover the lessons the breakup will teach you.
To be able to cope with the breakup, you must first recognize that it's perfectly understandable to feel sad, angry, or depressed. There's no need to act happy or gleeful if you really aren't. But, accept also that these feelings of uncertainty and loneliness will subside and fade overtime. You do not need to hold onto these feelings longer than necessary.
Because you're trying to cope with your life, you need to give yourself a break. Take a rest, go to a vacation spot. You shouldn't push yourself too hard at work or pressure yourself to be at your optimal best just because you want to take your mind off the breakup. That's not healthy. Your colleagues will understand you if you won't become quite as productive as you usually are at work or at school.
Lastly, you don't need to handle the situation alone - not sharing your problems to anyone is dangerous and may contribute to more depression. Go to support groups if you aren't comfortable sharing this with friends or family, but it's always best to talk to someone close to you about the breakup.
The main advice I can give you about grieving a breakup is this: don't try to fight your feelings. Just let it all out. If you feel like crying, just cry, no one is stopping you. It's normal to have down moments in life. It's normal to feel sad, angered, depressed, and jealous about your ex-partner after a breakup. If you suppress these emotions you may find yourself in a hole much deeper than ever before.
This is why you need to talk to friends or family about the breakup, because it is the most effective way to express how you've been feeling the whole time. Also, remember that the final goal is to move on and to erase all the negative emotions you have towards the demise of the relationship. There's no use holding a grudge against someone you've shared a wonderful time with. Finally, constantly give yourself a reminder that a future is still in store for you, and that not everything in the relationship has gone to waste.
If there's one good thing about breakups, it's that you'll learn how to handle future relationships better and surer. But that will only happen if you will allow yourself to learn from it. Contemplate your own faults in the relationship and figure out how to minimize or completely erase these little misgivings.
You must step back and look at the bigger picture. How did your actions contribute to the relationship's demise? Were there some mistakes that your ex definitely mentioned but you still kept repeating them? How did you react to the stress brought about by the relationship? These are just some of the queries you must ask yourself to be able to learn a lot of things from a breakup.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Which is More Important in Your Relationship: Better Sex or Amount of Sex? (Mature Minds Only)

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o you feel pressured because your partner wants more sex than you? Do you feel neglected because your partner refuses to make love as often as you want to? If this sounds familiar, you are definitely not alone. In fact practically any couple who has been together for any real length of time experience different level of sexual desire.
However sexual incompatibility need not mean the end of an otherwise good relationship. If you are willing to reassess your attitudes, negotiate your sexual needs and talk about your sex lives in an honest and respectful way, you can reclaim the intimacy and closeness that is weakening in your relationship.
How serious is the low libido problem?
One survey revealed that 33.4% of women and 15.5% of men reported lack of sexual interest. Though losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women, but when men lose interest in sex, it scares them a lot more because their masculinity is so linked to their sexuality.
Loss of libido also makes men more likely to be unhappy about the rest of their lives than it does for women. Only 23% of men with loss of libido say they still feel very happy about life in general versus 46% of women.
Libido loss does not usually happen suddenly. It is a gradual process. When most relationships first begin there is high degree of passion and sexual frequency. Sex often happens effortlessly and spontaneously and desire feels mutual due to the newness of discovering one another as well as the newness of the relationship. After about 18 months or more, this new-found excitement and intrigue begins to wane and different sexual patterns can start to emerge. It can feel confusing and disheartening and you may question whether you are sexually compatible or if you still love your partner.
Desire fluctuates for a variety of reasons. Stress, fatigue, depression, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, certain types of medication and ill-health can all contribute to problems. Hormonal changes can cause loss of libido and any underlying resentment or anger towards your partner will also interfere with your motivation to be intimate.
What to avoid?
One of the most damaging mistakes you can do is to blame one another for the different levels of sexual interest. Often the person with the lower sex drive is being targeted as the main cause of the problem. This can cause the accused person to get defensive and this can lead to greater sexual frustration.
How to face up to low libido
An important step is to acknowledge that both of you are different people with different levels of desire. After all, if your desires to eat, sleep, socialize, or exercise is unlikely to be perfectly matched with your partner's, the same can also happen to your sex drive. Both also need to take responsibility for addressing this issue and making the necessary changes and adjustments.
It is embarrassing when one partner is frustrating the other sexually. It is very important to re-establish and maintain a satisfying sex life. Couples experiencing desire discrepancy are encouraged to negotiate their likes and dislikes or to look for ways to compromise. Do not engage in infidelity as that will bring complicated problems capable of ruining your relationship. What matters most is what is right for you as a couple and also what works for you as a couple.
In dealing with marital anger as a cause of low libido, you can either consider couples therapy or a real heart-to-heart talk. But in the meantime, it is also possible to revive your sex life. How to do it?
Well, just do it! A common belief about sex is that we should get into the mood first before we do it. However the professional view is that if we keep waiting for the desire to come, some of us would never have sex again. It is sometimes important to just have sex even if you are not in the mood. Once you start, desire and arousal often follow. Do not let the time between sex drags on for too long.
Of course, it is most important that this has to happen under the situation when mutual feelings of kindness and respect already exist in the relationship. (That is why it is important to avoid a situation of un-resolved resentment). In this way you will be able to be open to your partner and experience sex as an act of love rather than a performance or just going through the motion.
It is also important to shift our attitudes towards sex by treating it as not just erections, orgasms and penetration and. Instead it should be regarded as a source of pleasure and intimacy. In meeting each other's needs, you have to accept that you may get less sex than you ideally like and have to look for other ways to feel emotionally and physically close.
The bottom-line here is not about getting more sex, but getting better. Frequency should not be the sole measure of libido. Feelings count too. How you feel about the whole lovemaking process should be the true measure of whether your libido is healthy.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

You Need Compassion in Your Relationship

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o passion in my relationship! How can I restore passion in my relationship?
Passion is the heart of every successful relationship. Each relationship goes through many phases. There are times where we feel so passionate about each other and there are other times where intimacy and passion subside. Unfortunately if you don't nurture you relationship daily, passion will start to fade.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, passion will be common between couples, but as we go further in our relationship, our focus shifts from what we have to other negative aspects due to life challenges, stress, and anxiety.
How to restore passion in a relationship
If your relationship lacks passion and intimacy and want to learn how to restore passion in your relationship, then follow the guide below:
1. Remember the happy past
Remember and focus on the time when you two were very passionate about one another. When couples get involved in a relationship, they will be dreaming of having a harmonious, happy, and intimate relationship. However, as times goes on, most tend to forget those early days and stop giving the care and time that the relationship needs.
When you start focusing once again on the blissful days, you will bring passion back to your relationship.
2. Surprise each other
One of the best proven methods to restore and bring back passion to a relationship is to surprise each other in an unusual ways. Here are some ways you can do to surprise your partner:
• Write a note and put it in your partner's pocket
• Read a romantic poem for your lover
These are great steps you can take right now to help bring back passion in your relationship.
3. Seek a counsellor
It is very sad that many relationships end without making an effort to talk to a relationship counsellor or coach as many start blaming the other instead of looking for ways to make the relationship work last and grow.
Talking to a counsellor on the ways you can use to restore passion in your relationship could be very beneficial for you.
Talking to a counsellor can not only help you bring passion back to your relationship, but it can take your relationship to the next level.
4. Source of compassion
Every time you look at your lover, see your partner as a source of compassion that radiates love, peace, and affection. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Ways to Maintaining a Good Relationship

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ll relationships have their ups and downs
It is normal for a relationship to change its course over time; for the sexual attraction and desire to diminish; for the couple to getting used to one another; for routine to settle in.
There are those who, at this point, think to themselves "Oh well, that's the way relationships are"; "This is what is to be expected". Each one begins to focus more on his or her own projects; work, hobbies, - all of which they might have neglected to one degree or another while the relationship was "hot and rolling".
This is when, in some relationships, love-affairs and betrayals begin. "After all, monogamy is not a natural way of living but a moral imposed by society", those who are unfaithful argue; "That's a way to insert some pepper to life", they suggest; "Why not do something to fight the boredom of my relationship", they advocate; and even "If my partner doesn't fulfil my needs anymore, I have no other choice", they conclude. People come up with endless excuses to "justify" their behaviour.
Yet, many relationships manage to escape the cheating and betrayal episodes.
It is possible to maintain a satisfying relationship over time
Not every relationship is "doomed" to change course over time and for the couple to lose their warmth, care, interest, love and appreciation to one another. It is possible to maintain a long-lasting good relationship, even to improve the connection, the openness, the love and the mutual respect. All it takes is:
1) Your motivation, as a couple, motivation to doing so, guided by the belief that this is for the good of both of you and the well-being of the relationship, and
2) Your daily and continuous practicing of "being tuned" to one another.
The couple's awareness
This is where your couple's awareness settles in: your attitudes; reactions and behaviours towards one another can make or kill the relationship. Understanding that you must be cautious about the ways in which you react and behave towards one another; that you must be careful not to "push" each other's "soft points". By now you know each other well enough to know how to avoid unnecessary fights, arguments and conflicts. By now you have a long history together which has taught you what "works" and "doesn't work" between the two of you.
These are my recommended 10 ways of maintaining a satisfying relationship over time.
1. Come towards one another (rather than trying to constantly prove who's right);
2. Mutually respect and appreciate one another (rather than disregarding and "putting the other down");
3. Accept and support your partner's perception, thinking and belief-system even when these are different than yours especially when it is for the good of both of you instead of arguing unnecessarily. 4. Respect each other's space 
5. Show and give emotional support to one another (rather than not caring and ignoring the other);
6. Praise and reinforce (rather than be critical and negative);
7. Constantly express your love (rather than expressing hate in aggressive and abusive ways or be indifferent);
8. Keep the communication going: Listen to and talk with each other (rather than giving the "silence treatment" and/or escaping to the computer and/or the TV);
9. Be aware of nonverbal communication between the two of you: Keep eye contact during the hours you are together (rather than not looking at each other anymore); Exchange smiles periodically (rather than scorn looks and twisted lips).
10. Be involved with each other's life (rather than living "apart together"). Show interest and curiosity about each other's feelings, work, activities (rather than being indifferent);
Your couple's awareness therefore plays a major role in your ability to maintain a satisfying relationship over time.
Maintaining a satisfying relationship over time is possible!
Maintaining a satisfying relationship over time is not a utopia. Many who have taken the road to awareness have made it. If you as a couple care about the well-being of one another as well as of your bond, and consciously engage in mutual give & take, you can maintain a satisfying intimate relationship over time.

Attraction Triggers

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he way that a man and a woman become attracted to each other is a mystery, that although it can't be totally explained, it can to a certain extent be generalised statistically; ok, there is no foolproof method of calculation but, without doubt there are certain male and female attraction triggers. Here are some examples.
So what do men look for when they are searching for their perfect partner? There is absolutely no doubt that the male of the species is a very visual creature, and in surveys carried out over all age ranges, professions, social groups and Nationalities; 80% of men put physical features such as beauty in the face, and good body, as essential attraction triggers. This can be put down to biological reasons, and to put it bluntly, it is simply in men's DNA makeup. One of the more surprising things about surveys carried out though, is not the fact that men will mostly go for the best "looking" woman in the room, but also, that a lot of men are willing to date someone with little intelligence as long as they have the required good looks. Your basic average male across the spectrum just wants an attractive female at least with a little intelligence. There are of course exceptions.
Women differ in their approach to finding a partner, but there is one characteristic that is the same for both Male and Female, and that is emotional stability. Both men and women prefer their partners to be stable characters, but the similarities end here. In surveys carried out across the female spectrum of age, nationality and social groups, 60% look for intelligence and emotional stability as more important than looks. If we dig a little deeper into the survey results we will find that women are much more clued into getting a male as a partner who is suitable for having children with, which could possibly explain why intelligence comes out higher than looks.
The result of the above surveys was looking into the long-term hopes and aspirations of the male and female psyche, but all this would probably become void, if the same questions were asked about short-term hook-ups.
The overall conclusion about attraction triggers is almost certainly what we have known all along.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Make Men Listen to You with Patience and Love

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adies, when you tried to communicate with your man, hoping to talk about each other's feelings, or to solve an issue in your relationship; have you ever found yourself frustrated? Did he sound irritated and impatient when you asked him to talk about his feelings? Did his attention started to drift away merely after 10 minutes of having the conversation? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, it would be helpful to learn more about men's point of view and mindset towards communication, and the proper way to communicate with, and speak to him.
Men do not like to spend a lot time talking about each other's feelings, and that is a proven fact. However, if you simply change the way you speak, and try to avoid to do certain things that are particularly annoying to men in a conversation; you are likely to obtain a better result.
Men's Mindset towards the Conversation
For most men, making him to talk about his feelings instantly creates more stresses. Especially, when it is a conversation that requires him to sit down, concentrate, and respond for more than 30 minutes. Study shows that women use about 7,000-50,000 words per day while men only use about 2,000-25,000. Some men usually finished up most of their share of words and talking by the time they get home from work. For most men, the last thing he wants to do when he gets home is to talk about something he is not interested in. Therefore, if you want to talk to your man; you should try to avoid starting the conversation with something like "We need to talk." This phrase immediately sounds men's alarm, and creates enormous amount of pressure for them. To men, it is a tiring and painful task to sit there and focus on such conversation. What women can do is to make him feel comfortable and being appreciated. Men are willing to communicate as long it is preceded in a way that men would accept.
What Makes a Man Doesn't Want to Listen to a Woman:
You Interrupted Him during His Relaxing Hour
He is exhausted from a hard day's work, all he wants to do is to go back to his cave and let his brain go blank. You interrupted him when he is watching a soccer game or TV show because you want to have a conversation immediately. And you made him turn off the TV to listen to you carefully. For some men, activities such as watching TV, play video games are some of the ways to help them relax. Let him have his time to chill and let his brain rest. The key here is to pick a time to talk to him when he is not feeling exhausted and is in a good mood.
You Forced Him to Multitask
We all know most men are not as good at multitasking as women. Men can only focus one thing at a time. When you tried to have a conversation with him, while he is working on something important will really annoy him, because you are forcing him to break off his concentration. If you tried talk him while he is working on his computer, besides not getting a good result, you will really stress him out.
You Tried to Have a Long and Meaningful Heart to Heart Conversation
Do men really have short attention span? Not really, but they do have a very short attention span towards activities that they are not particularly fond of. So what you can do is to break it down into sections and try to limit to not more than two topics each time having a conversation. You probably wouldn't force yourself to finish a thick book in just one night, and you would try to read couple chapters per day, and finish it throughout the week. It's the same theory.
You Expect Him to Know What You are Thinking
Men are more logical than women by nature, and men are not very good in expressing their emotions and feelings. To men, feeling is something more abstract, men tend to have hard time talking about his own feelings and guessing your feelings. Try not to start the conversation with a question such as "So, how do you think we should improve our relationship?" If you feel, you and him should find ways to improve the relationship, start the conversation by explaining how you think about the relationship should be improved. Don't make men guess your thoughts and feelings by questioning him, men tend to open up more easily when his woman shares her feelings first.
When He is Fading Away
When you find him starting to fade away from the conversation, it is probably a good idea to end it nicely and quickly. It is a sign that his concentration had been broken, and he will no longer stay focused on the issue. It is best to continue at another time to achieve a better result.
Stop Blaming and Accusing Him
If you felt he is doing something wrong that is hurting the relationship, try to hold back the urge to blame him, if you start the conversation with blaming him; you can be sure the next time you want to have a conversation, he is going to try everything he could to avoid being in that position. Start by letting him know that you love him, and how much you care about the relationship, and how you would be so touched if he is willing to work together with you to improve the relationship.
Tone Your Voice down and be Gentle
Relax your face and posture, do not cross your arms in front of you, as it translates into "purposely keeping a distance". Speak to him with a gentle, and soft-spoken voice, and tone down your voice pitch. Keep the conversation tempo smooth and do not yell under any circumstances, and don't forget to remind him how much you love him along the conversation.
Do Not Give Him Orders
Do not talk to him in a demanding tone such as "You need to change this habit". By giving him orders to change will not do the job. Men are ego-centric, if you tried to boss and order him around to do stuff; you can bet you pennies that he might just go about the opposite. Tried to put yourself in his shoes for once, view the world and relationship through his eyes, and be empathetic.
You Forced Him to Reach an Agreement
People have different opinions, and that is what makes this world so interesting! Men too, shall be granted the right to have opposing opinions. Whether you agree with him or not, don't get angry and upset. One of you has to compromise, it's best to take turn to give in and be the one compromising. Mutual compromising is the key to a healthy relationship or marriage.
You Forced Him to Promise You Something
This creates burden for men, if he has learned, that every time having a conversation ended up with you making up more rules for him to follow; you can be sure he is not looking forward to the next conversation. A good man would try his best to please you the way you wanted him to, without you making rules that are sounding just like orders.
What Can You Do To Have Your Men Listen to You with Patience and Understanding?
In order to get the optimal result and to make communication a more loving and less frustrating process, you should try the following methods with your man.
Pick a Good Timing
Timing is everything when comes communicating with men. Pick a time when he is fully relaxed and in a wonderful mood. Every man differs with their preferences of best timing for communication. For some men, communicating before bed will give him insomnia. So, it is best to ask him for his preferences.
Start the Conversation with a loving tone
Try to start the conversation with a sweet and loving tone such as "Hon, do you have time to talk about something?" This will make communicating less fearsome for men. Men cannot resist his woman's sweetness; remember to always fully utilize your womanly gesture.
Talk About One or Two Issues at a Time
Think about how you would read a thick book; try to limit yourself to talk about one or two issues at a time. You are more likely to get a better result.
Be Quiet and Listen
When you've finally got him to open up and talk about his feelings. Be quiet and just listen, do not interrupt him and just allow him do the talking. You can always input your opinions after he is done. This will help him to open up more with his inner most feelings.
Reassure Him that Communication is not as painful and Difficult as He Thought
This is where you will make or break his willingness and habit to communicate in the future, if you can reassure him that communicating with you is not as painful and mind-bending as he thought, he will eventually form a habit and start to dedicate more of his time for communication.
Show Respect, Appreciation and Love
Thank him afterwards for his willingness to sit down, pay attention and communicate. He did it because he cares, so show him your appreciation and love. Finally show your understanding when having a disagreement over an issue, if you and him truly love each other, and both of you are willing to compromise, the issue will be solved sooner or later. Forcing to come up with an agreement will not do any good to the relationship.
Men are reluctant to communicate because they have this common perception that it is painful and time-consuming. It is time for you to change his perception caused and formed from his past memories and relationships. 
Cheers and happy communicating!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Tips To Help You Out

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aybe you have decided that being single just isn't for you anymore. Maybe you have seen many of your friends settle down and you want to do the same. Of course, in order to do that, you have to be able to attract the right man for you. That only takes about five seconds to say, a lot longer to actually do. If you are ready to settle down and find the right guy, keep reading.
While it may not have happened for you yet, that certainly does not mean that it won't happen. And, if you are ready for things to turn out the way that you want them to, then you are already closer than most single women are. You have to be ready to attract the right guy. If you are not ready and he comes along, there's a good chance that you will end up either not even noticing him or you will not give him the chance that he deserves.
Here are some tips that can help you to attract the right guy:
1. To attract him, you have to be able to spot him.
As I mentioned before, you have to be ready for the right guy to come along. So, you have to keep your eyes open because you never know where and when it might be. It might happen anywhere! Keep your eyes open otherwise you might know when he comes along. Keeping your eyes open to spot him is something that you must do.
2. You also need to know how to flirt with him.
Just meeting him will probably not be enough to kick start things and set everything in motion. You need to be able to flirt with him so that he is attracted to you, and so that he feels like he has a chance to be with you. The more friendly that you can be, the better.
3. Stop being too picky.
Most women are not picky. However, some women end up being too picky and that is why they remain single. Like, they won't accept a man who has a few simple faults. If you are really ready to find the right guy and settle down, then you need to be able to overlook a few small flaws here and there.

The Reasons You Should Never Consider Cheating Your Partner

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eople hear it all the time but it never stops them from jumping into bed with someone other than the one they have committed themselves to in life. You would think with all of the murders that come out of infidelity relationships that people would think twice before doing it. It all just comes down to Invincibility...until it happens to them.
Who Is Capable of Murder
You just never know who is capable of murder. You just never know who is capable of adultery.
If you are a victim of infidelity, you probably never thought your significant other would have cheated on you, or you wouldn't have ever been with the person in the first place.
To turn the tables, if you're the person cheating, did you ever think you would be committing adultery? Yes, that's what you are doing if you are having sex with someone of the opposite sex other than your partner.
So, if this is the case, how do you know you are not capable of murder? You just don't know.
To further it along, how do you know for sure anyone around you isn't capable of murder? What about the person you’re cheating with or if you're not the one cheating, what about the person your significant other is cheating with?
It's real. It happens all of the time. It's tragic. People really need to think about the possibility of this happening whenever they get involved with someone.
The Combinations of Possible Infidelity Murders
Your wife could kill you for sleeping around with you female co-worker.
Your husband could kill you for fooling around with a long lost friend from secondary school.
Your husband girlfriend could kill you because she doesn't want you standing in the way.
Your wife's boyfriend could kill you for standing in the way of him getting to your wife.
Your wife could kill the person you're cheating with because she thinks she took you away from her.
Your husband could kill the person you're cheating with because he thinks he took you away from him.
The Main Reason Why You Should Never Cheat
When you think of these consequences of cheating, they should be the main reasons why you should never cheat. You just never know what could happen.
Of course, there are hundreds of other reasons - losing the respect of your family, losing your family, contracting diseases including deadly HIV/AIDS virus, losing your job, becoming depressed, and the list goes on and on. However, nothing is worse than losing your life or the life of someone you love.