Remember to check back for a new topic

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Ways to Put Back Trust in Your Relationship

Bookmark and Share

s your relationship suffering because of a lack of trust? Has trust been broken, or was it never there in the first place? Many relationships fall apart, not because there is really anything wrong, but because trust has never been established. Sometimes a couple will spend all their time and efforts working on the wrong things in their relationship. And as a result, the real problem is still there and will eventually resurface. For instance, many spend their time trying to "spice up" their relationship. But this was never the issue in the first place. It was never that there was not enough excitement and romance in their lives. It was simply that they never had that level of trust in each other that keeps a relationship stable. Being consistent and predictable are much more important in building a lasting relationship than adding variety and being spontaneous.
There are 7 simple ways that you can put the trust back in your relationship and if you follow these 7 methods it will help you to improve your relationship and make it more stable and reliable than ever before.
First, as mentioned earlier, be consistent and predictable. You don't have to constantly "spice things up" to keep your romance alive. Although there is a time and place for that, the thing that makes a relationship work is the knowledge that both partners have that they can count on each other. Trust is built on knowing that your loved one is reliable and can be counted on, day in and day out. Most people need a certain amount of structure and predictability in their lives. Couples are no different. Work on being consistent in your attitudes and how you respond to your mate and the different situations you both faces. The foundation of trust is being consistent and predictable.
Next, always make sure that your words and actions match. If you say one thing but do another, your mate won't be able to trust what you say. Also make sure that your expression and body language match your words. If you are happy then stop frowning when you are talking. If you have confidence in your mate then let your eyes and facial expressions show it.
Third, you have to believe in your mate and his/her ability. Without this fundamental belief in them, the relationship will not survive. You must communicate to your loved ones that you believe in them. When a person knows that you believe in them, they often rise up to another level of existence and accomplishment and new levels of trust are established.
Fourth, make your mate aware of your needs. Don't keep your needs hidden. Keeping your partner guessing of your needs is not the right way. This only leads to unhappiness and a sense of not being fulfilled. Acknowledging that you have needs is not selfish. Not giving your mate the opportunity to respond to your needs is very selfish indeed. You must trust them enough to know that they want to meet you at your point of need also.
Fifth, don't keep secrets from your partner. Let them in on it. Be open and honest with them. Keeping secrets has destroyed many a great relationship. Trust your mate enough to share with them. If you keep things to yourself, your mate will think that you don't trust them enough to share with them. This will only breed more distrust.
Just because you say no or disagree with your partner does not mean that you do not approve of them. It simply means that you do not agree with them on an issue. Be sure to communicate this to them so they won't get it confused with disapproval.
Finally, make your relationship and its survival the most important thing. Yes, you will probably get hurt sometimes. There will be heartache, pain, upsets, setbacks and tough situations to get through. But these are all important parts of living in relationship with another person. If responded to in the right way, they will help to strengthen and confirm your relationship and your commitment to each other. If you remain steadfast and consistent in how you respond to these events, then you will establish a level of trust that cannot be shaken no matter what life throws at you.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Unconditional Love

Bookmark and Share

Most of us spend our waking hours around people. My guess is that most of those hours are spent 
·         trying to please those people,
·         getting them to say/act like they are pleased with you,
·         getting them to do what you want them to,
·         avoiding doing what they're trying to manipulate you to do, and
·         making your best effort to get along with them all.
How many of us are coming from a loving place in any of these hours? It's almost as though the human being is wired to be skeptical, disapproving, judgmental and distrusting of everyone else on the planet.
Now I know that parents love their children, and that there are all sorts of random acts of love that take place every day on our planet. Yes, true. My real question is why isn't this, the norm? Where is our inborn ability to love unconditionally - all the time?
Well, our ability to love unconditionally is indeed a natural part of each human, with each of us born with that ability. Very quickly, the need to keep our bodies and beings safe and secure from other human beings leads us to develop defences. These defences are called programs of survival.
Those programs of survival may be useful when we are quite small and have not fully developed our strength and resources. But frankly, as adult humans, we don't need them anymore - yet we never dropped them.
To love unconditionally requires that we feel secure and safe - that our survival is not an issue. This is primal. But we organized societies, clans, extended family groups whose sole purpose is to keep its members safe and secure so that they survive. So why didn't we return to our unconditionally loving state within those groups?
Now, in our organized societies, as adults, all we need to do to return to our innate unconditional loving person is to decide to do so. But with this decision comes the need to let go (if only we knew how) of those old survival programs.
What Does It Take to Love Unconditionally?
Face it! Those survival programs are lifetimes old and well ingrained in our subconscious. And what is the subconscious but a "tank" where we stored programs, feelings, memories, and so forth that we didn't want to look at anymore?
We need a method - a practical way, a measurable way - to lift these old programs, memories and feelings out of our subconscious. What makes me say this? It's those old programs and feelings that are covering up our ability to love unconditionally! Remember - we have agreed that we are naturally, (from birth as humans) unconditionally loving beings. This is natural state of unconditional love. This state never went away; it simply got covered up and lost under the mountain of old survival programs, negative and limiting thoughts and feelings, old stories and old memories.
All this may be old stuff to you - or it may be new information that is good food for thought. But the bottom line is: even as naturally loving beings, each of us made a decision at one point to be that more than any other way. Some of us to just go all the way and remove (eliminate) all that old cover-up with a sure-fire methodology.
Are you fed up with trying to make your relationship work - minding your behaviours and words in all sorts of situations so that you don't rub other people the wrong way or get in trouble?
Your closest, most intimate relationship could definitely benefit from loving unconditionally, couldn't they? How much better would you feel in your life if all your interactions with your partner were smooth and harmonious, loving and trusting, open and fearless?
Are you ready to gently and easily experiment with your ability to love unconditionally, and thus improve the quality of all your relationship? There is a tried-and-true method for letting go of old stories, thoughts and feelings, and old programs that no longer serve any purpose for you.
You'll be surprised how easy it is to get started doing this work.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Moving From "Friend Zone" to Something More

Bookmark and Share

ou are his good friend but you want more. In your quiet moments you find yourself thinking about this particular male friend in a romantic fantasize about him and you in a romantic relationship and you are hoping that he can begin to see you as more than a friend. As a friend you have seen how truly wonderful he is and you have come to the sudden realization that if you could build a romance on this friendship then yours would be one of those 'happily ever after' relationships. But he seems clueless about your feelings and he continues to treat you only as his close friend...and only as a friend. So how do you navigate the change that you want? How do you escape the 'friend zone'?
1. Become unavailable but stay friendly. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that you get him missing and thinking about you more than usual. To do this you must become a scare commodity. Don't meet up with him every day as you normally do, don't reply to his Emails or SMS's immediately, reply to his calls after a few days but when you do communicate back be your usual friendly self. And keep your communication short and pleasant. Your aim in doing this is that he will miss you and come to a realization about the great value that you have in his life. Do this for 3-4 weeks and if he is a real friend he will miss you and will be seeking an answer to the emotional confusion that he feels about your absence from his life.
2. Dress well and look your best. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that you feel sexy, beautiful and desirable. This does not mean that you no longer dress in casual clothes but it does mean that you dress in clothes that make you feel feminine and attractive. Look after the entire package that is you so get your hair cut or styled and coloured so that you feel as attractive as possible. Wear whatever makeup makes you feel and look good. And take your grooming seriously so that you do not just look good but you smell wonderful as well. You want him to notice and appreciate how attractive you really are and for you to feel like the queen that you are.
3. Pursue your interests. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that you feel as good as you look and nothing makes you feel as good as improving yourself through taking classes or in helping others or in exploring a passion that energizes you. Since he is your friend you will also miss him and you will be tempted to go back to being his friend so you need to occupy the time that you spent with him in being all that you can be.
4. Be the woman that he loves. Since you are his close friend then you will know what he likes in a woman that he is attracted to. So be that woman while remaining true to you. If he tends to fall in love with women who smell a certain way then wear the fragrance that evokes that in him; if he loves a well put together woman then get a hopping; if he loves women who wear dresses that show off legs then that's your cue. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that he begins to 'see' you as the type of woman that he is attracted to so use what you know about him to conquer his heart.
5. Flirt with him! Escaping the 'friend zone' means that you open his eyes to another side of you and you can do this by flirting with him. Again you know him well and so you know how to let him know that you like him using your body and your words. You want to gently tease him so that his mind begins to understand that you are attracted to him...and you have a lot to offer. You can flirt with him using text or body language or using words. Flirting successfully requires that you tease him and give him a romantic hint that his mind then works out slowly or quickly. The more subtle you can be the more fun you can both have with this.
6. Tell him in plain and clear language. If after all this he is still clueless about what you want then you will have to tell him in plain terms. This is really risky as you cannot later pretend that he misinterpreted you like in the earlier solutions. But let him know that you really value your relationship and you will be happy to remain friends if he has no romantic interest in you or if the romantic phase does not work out for both of you. Escaping the 'friend zone' requires that you minimize the risk that he may feel about this next step by letting him know that your friendship will not change regardless of his response to how you feel about him. He is your friend and honesty is your best friend but don't go into unnecessary details about how you feel about him. Just let him know casually that you wonder if the two of you could ever be more than friends...and follow his lead in the conversation BUT make sure that he understands exactly what it is that you want.
Escaping the 'friend zone' requires courage on your part and being willing to lose what may is a good friendship if he gets totally freaked out by this change that you want. So be absolutely sure that this is something that you want, before you rock the boat. And when you are sure that you want to escape the 'friend zone' then make sure that he understands what it is that you want so that you do not spend the rest of your days playing the 'what if' game or resentful of all his love interests.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Signs He is In Love

Bookmark and Share

ou are falling in love with a guy and you really want him to feel the same way about you but you just don't know how to weigh his feelings. How does a guy act when he falls in love?
He thinks you are interesting. A guy who falls in love with you will be genuinely interested in you, your opinions and everything that pertains to you. He will find your conversations engaging. You and he will have great conversations that both of you enjoy immensely.  He will ask the right questions and really take in what you say. You will realize his deep interest in you when he says something about a past conversation that you had and you realize he really listens to you and takes you seriously.
He paints himself in glowing terms. A guy who falls in love with you will also want you to love him back. He will thus tell you about his exploits or his positive deeds in an attempt to get you to see him positively. Just listen carefully to what your guy is telling you about him-self. Is he telling you only his success stories or about things that paint him as competent, funny and caring? Then he could be a guy who has fallen in love with you.
He is jealous and protective of you. A guy who falls in love with you will imagine that other men find you as alluring as he does and you will see his discomfort or even annoyance when he feels that another man is paying you too much attention. Because he loves you then his instinct will be to be protective towards you.
He tries to please you. Because he has fallen in love with you then he will desire that you are happy and comfortable. He will thus do or offer to do things to try and make you happy or comfortable. Depending on his personality he may even accompany you to 'female dominated places' like the hairdressers. Or he may just offer to do simple things for you or to run small errands. What he does depends on his personality and socialization and so you may in some cases not notice his efforts if you have specific expectations (so don’t take him to be another person in terms of comparison). Just observe him to see what he is doing or offering to do for you. He may have fallen in love with you.
He notices details about you A guy who falls in love with you will notice details such as the number of dresses you wear consistently or that you had a new hair style/colour or that you are wearing a new perfume. Because he is emotionally tuned to you then he will be attuned to any changes that occur in your life.
He wants to be around you. This is often the most obvious sign of a guy who has fallen in love with you as he just wants to be around the person who makes him feel so great. He will thus find ways to be around you as much as possible. He doesn't necessarily abandon his friends but he does find excuses and ways to be around you.
A guy who falls in love with you will not necessarily show each of the signs given as it depends a lot on how he is wired but he will display at least 2 of the signs.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Meaning of Togetherness In a Relationship

Bookmark and Share

e're living in an increasingly disposable world. Where 50% of all marriages end up in divorce, even our relationships have become disposable. So many factors go into having a successful relationship, and while it is good to have wants and desires, we should always be flexible for the better of the union, and be conscientious of the needs of our partner.
Togetherness in Love
Sometimes through infatuation we don't select the best partners. Perhaps they are super hot, engaging, or you had great sex, all of which can cloud your vision from what is really there. However, select someone who is going to be there, good or bad, through the thick and thin. Togetherness takes time, effort and commitment. It's no joke. Make sure you really ARE in love, and not simply loving. Being IN love, means that you're willing to listen, and respect your partner, and should be willing to do anything necessary to make their happiness like your own.
Struggling Together
No relationship is perfect. Life will have a way of turning your perfect little world upside down. Many people will give up too early, and find reasons to break up during times of difficulty. You don’t have to give up for trivial or selfish reasons. Relationships are meant to test our resolve, and teach us fortitude, and most importantly, teach us about ourselves.  You gain nothing by running away. The strength and stability you gain by standing side by side, creates the type of relationship we dream of... built on a foundation of mutual support, relief, and truth.
Real Togetherness
The path to togetherness is a long and rich journey. It requires a presence of mind, the ability to accept change and manage difficulty, AND the aptitude to discover that evolution is very much a part of a healthy relationship. It is also about discovering new things with your partner. It is about learning, about evolving. Staying in your relationship in spite of trouble teaches you so many things - about yourself, your partner, life and relationship in general. So, rather than see the future of your relationship as a chore, see it as an opportunity for healing, wholeness, change, maturity and most of all, TOGETHERNESS.
It's not the institution of marriage or relationship that has changed. People can change the way they view relationship. Society as a whole has become much more independent, and selfish, we are living in a world where we cast of and dispose things easily, because they may not suit our immediate need, or fit a particular mindset we've become too dependent on. We must break the chains that hold us back, and understand there is much still to learn, and the happiness we seek is directly associated with the togetherness we're willing to invest in. You and your partner owe to each other to rid yourselves of mistrust, and selfishness. The world around you doesn't revolve around a singular point of view. Embrace the opportunity to learn from each other, support each other during your insecurities, and lift up one another so you may both share in your successes, love, and dreams.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Ways to Make Long Distance Relationship Easier

Bookmark and Share

hile the common adage clearly states that distance is good for love, for it makes hearts grow fonder, people who are struggling to make long distance relationships work beg to differ. Distance can take its toll on even the strongest of relationships. If you have been trying to make long distance work and are exhausted, here are some tips to make your relationship not only easy, but also pretty near perfect.
Communication: No, communication does not mean sending each other pictorial proof of where you are and what you are doing every single minute. When you are so far apart physically, things such as time difference, busy schedules and a weak internet signal may keep you from talking to each other for hours or even days at a time. Whenever you do talk, however, don't only talk but also communicate. Talk about things that bother or upset you and let each other know what's on your mind. Do not hold back and try to keep everything inside, you will eventually become bitter and start being unreasonable. Share your view but also listen to theirs, you don't always have to be right.
Trust: The key to any relationship, as clich├ęd as it may sound, is trust. Without trust, doubts and insecurities will plague any relationship, slowly rendering it a failure. Put long distance into this mix, and your relationship is bound to come crashing down around you. What you need to do, therefore, is trust each other. Have faith in your significant others' sincerity, and repeatedly remind them that you trust them blindly. Do not concoct wild stories in your head when the other is busy or even unavailable for a while; believe them when they say they would prefer to talk to you, had they got the choice.
Stay involved: This just might be the most important tip of them all. Often, long distance relationship end up making one or even both feel left out. If you are making new friends and meeting new people on a daily basis, your partner might feel like they have been left behind. Keep each other involved in your life and routine. Talk about your day, about the people you meet and about anything new that you experience. Tell each other anything and everything, to make up for the fact that you aren't next to each other.