Remember to check back for a new topic

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Emotionally Unavailable Men

Bookmark and Share

re you always getting involved with emotionally unavailable men? They may attract you by the intensity of their purpose and their involvement in their careers or in the lives of others but they just never seem to connect emotionally or meaningfully with you. You are tired of these emotionally dry relationships that tire and cause you so much pain. Is there a way to spot emotionally unavailable men? What are the signs of emotionally unavailable men?
1. Over involvement in a career or in other people's lives. You want a man who has a purpose and reason for waking up each morning. He should ideally have a career that he enjoys and people who love and care about him. But too much involvement will be seen in that:
a. His career is all that he talks and thinks about. One of the signs of an emotionally unavailable man is that all he talks about is his career; his only interest is his career; he excels only in his career; and he has no other interest in life apart from his career. If you observe him carefully you will realize that the only thing that he truly loves is his career. In ALL practical ways he is in love and married to his job. He may want you in his life so that you can meet those needs that his job does not meet but his true love and the one that holds his emotions is his job. He breathes, sleeps, dreams and fantasizes about his career...and you will ALWAYS be a lower emotional priority in his life.
b. He is everyone's go-to guy. Yes you want a man who has friends and is involved in their lives but one of the signs of emotionally unavailable men is their insatiable need to serve their friends and family members in every single little thing. It may seem like a cute trait at the beginning of the relationship when you think that he is one of the most giving men that you know but it could be a sign of emotional unavailability. If he is at the beck and call of all his friends and relatives then he will have minimal or no time for you. He simply does not have the time to be emotionally available to you. You may resent his friends or family members but the problem is him...not his friends or family members.
2. He has huge personal baggage. We ALL have baggage from our past since none of us is spared the hurts that the people we interact with and that life bring to every life. But emotionally unavailable men have the type of baggage that cripples them emotionally. Whatever the past relationships did or did not do to them; emotionally unavailable men will react and treat you like the person or persons who hurt them in their past. He simply does not give you a chance to connect emotionally with him as he can only see you through the lenses of his past hurt. He is just unable (or unwilling) to see the real you and so he creates (or sees) reasons why you are just like the people or person that hurt him in the past; and he disengages emotionally from you, ensuring that he can never be available to you emotionally. Some women find such men an irresistible challenge; they want to be the one that saves such a man and gets him to love again. But if you are one of those women then remember to tread carefully as this is a road full of incredible hurts and unless the man wants to change...all the loving in the world is not going to do any good.
Emotionally unavailable men can turn your life upside down if you make the mistake of loving them. They may present a challenge to some women or elevate the caring intuition in other women but whatever emotions they evoke in you; know with certainty that loving them will be a journey to relationship hurts and knocks.

Friday, December 23, 2011

When a Man Is Emotionally Unavailable

Bookmark and Share

re you always trying to connect emotionally with your man? Do his feelings seem locked up somewhere deep inside of him when he is with you? Do you feel like you are ALWAYS trying to get his attention so that he can pay you some attention? Is this a guy thing or is your man emotionally unavailable? What are the common signs that a man is emotionally unavailable?
1. He has no real desire to be around you. A man who is emotionally unavailable also tends to be physically unavailable all the time. He may be in the same room or even sitting right next to you on the settee but his hands, eyes and body never engage with you. He may go through the motions of living like eating; answering your questions with single answers; having sex and doing whatever you ask in the home. But he will not have any real interest in you and he will not cuddle, or hug you or touch you lightly as he talks. His interaction with you gives you the eerie feeling that he is thousands or even million of miles away from you, even when he is sitting or lying right next to you.
2. He has no interest in the things that are uniquely you or in issues that concern you. A man that is emotionally unavailable is living on automatic, much like a robot. He functions by doing the minimal that he can in his relationship with you. He will not really be interested in your life and its unique twists and turns. He may get involved if you harass and nag him into action but generally it is an uphill task getting him involved in 'your' things. He may respond when you tell him about your day but if you pay attention to him, his body and replies you can almost hear them screaming their total disinterest in all that concerns you.
3. Your conversations are confined to the mundane life stuff. When a man is emotionally unavailable to you he talks to you about non-issues. He talks only when he must and he does not talk about himself or the things that are dear to his heart and life. Instead he will talk about the weather, the traffic or other such life stuff; and how it was, without telling you how it affected him or made him feel. He will talk like one who is an outside observer in his life. His lack of emotional connection with you will make his conversation more like a commentary... like it happened but not to him as he has no feelings about it that he cares enough to share with you.
4. Nothing about you and your life together gives him joy and happiness. An emotionally unavailable man will not find you a source of pleasure. He may not be completely unhappy but episodes of sheer delight and pleasure with you will be rare or non-existent... and you will know it.
5. He is an emotionally dead man only when he is around you! A man that is emotionally unavailable to you will behave like an emotionally dead man around you only. When he is around other people he will be animated and engaged; and he will actually seem like a different man emotionally. He will be passionate, engaged and happy around them. Do not believe the lie that it is because he has known the other people longer etc. The truth is that he is not emotionally available to you!
These signs in combination with your intuition will let you know whether or not your man is emotionally unavailable to you. When you know that your man is emotionally unavailable the next stage will be understood why he is disconnected emotionally from you. He may be going through a life crisis or he may just want out of the relationship.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Signs That He is Never Going to Marry You

Bookmark and Share

ou want him to commit to you and to marry you (plain and simple) but he seems oblivious of this desire of yours. You have waited hopefully for what seems like an eternity for him to pop the big but increasingly elusive question. You have dreamt about all the possible romantic ways and places that he could propose; you have found your mind wondering and fantasizing about it and you have even discussed it with all your girl pals BUT he seems to have no awareness of the need for a formal commitment to you. The puzzle for you is that he seems too really like you and everything between the two of you is great but he just seems clueless about marriage or commitment. You want him to commit to you and to marry you but you don't know whether he will ever marry you. What are the signs that a guy is never going to marry you?
1. He is completely content with the way things are and he says so. A guy that is never going to marry you will let you know. You will have discussed the possibility of marriage and he will have clearly told you that he does not think that a piece of paper will change the love and commitment that he has towards you. He will vilify marriage and work at convincing you that your relationship is great as it is and that marriage will not add anything to your relationship. The bottom line is that he simply does not want to marry you and you must deal with that fact. If marriage is critical to you then you must be prepared to call his bluff and demonstrate to him how serious this issue is to you by letting him know that if he doesn't marry you within a specific period then you will leave him... and you must be prepared to leave him if you make that ultimatum otherwise you shouldn't make it at all as it will just weaken your position even further and will ensure that he never marries you.
2. He tells you that you are not 'wife' material. A guy that is never going to marry you keeps telling you about the kind of girl he is expected to marry and how you just don't fit the specifications given. He makes it seem like it is other peoples fault. He will tell you that he really likes you BUT his mother or friends or culture or boss or 'whoever it is' expects him to marry a specific type of girl (which you clearly are not) and he just cannot disappoint these people or person. He paints himself as a victim of family or culture or career or whatever it is that he says 'prevents' him from marrying you. He repeatedly lets you know what a great girl you are and how unfair it is for his mother or boss or society or culture or whatever it is to forbid a marriage with you. He may or may not be a victim of powerful forces but clearly he is never going to marry you.
3. He shows you that he is in love with another type of woman. A guy that is never going to marry you has settled for another. You are not what he really wants but you are better than nothing. He is with you because he doesn't want to be alone but you are not what he wants for a long term commitment or marriage. He is therefore never going to marry you until he losses all hope of ever getting the kind of girl that he wants. He will hold on to you as a backup plan but he will be extremely reluctant to move the relationship forward into marriage as he will be waiting for 'her'...the one he really desires and wants. Facing the reality that he is waiting for another can be extremely painful but if this is your situation then denial just hurts you and keeps you in a dead relationship with someone who doesn't think you are worthy. Facing reality helps you decide whether to break it off with him so as to give room for the possibility of another man to come into your life or to continue with him and to reduce the expectations you have of him.
4. He lets you know that he has made certain wrong assumptions about you. A guy that is never going to marry you may have certain preconceptions about you. He may believe that you want to do other things with your life instead of marrying him or he may think that you would never marry someone like him or he may not know how important marriage is to you. You need to clearly communicate with him so that he knows exactly what you want from life and from your relationship with him. If you do not make it clear then you will grow increasingly angry and he will go about blissfully ignorant of what it is that you want. Do not assume that he knows that you want him to marry you; be clear and precise and don't hint at it as he may never understand your hints and suggestions. Be clear and forthright!
A guy whose commitment you want but who seems to be on a different commitment channel from you must be faced honestly and candidly. You must take an honest look at your guy and your relationship to understand what it is that is prompting his lack of commitment so that you can deal with it appropriately.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Find Out The Reason Your Partner May Not be Listening

Bookmark and Share

ne of the most frustrating issues that we're confronted with at one time or another in our relationships is when we keep repeating something, but don't receive an acceptable answer, or any answer at all. You believe that you've made your position clear. You've been saying the same thing over and over, but nothing changes. Your frustration may even turn into anger because now you think he or she is downright ignoring you. Things may even escalate to the point of a blow-up when you finally start screaming at your mate, "Didn't you hear what I said?" Well, the answer is probably "yes". So now you're really mad because your partner admitted to hearing you, but you still didn't get a response, or was given the wrong response. Here is what went wrong. Your partner may have heard, but was not listening to you. That's right -- there is a difference between hearing and listening.
Hearing is the reception of sound to the ear. Nothing more has to happen in order to hear. So, even though you may have repeated something over and over to your mate, he or she may have received sound only. For a number of reasons, once whatever you said reached the ear of your mate, nothing more happened. Something that you said cause them to immediately shut down and they could not or were not willing to concentrate on whatever you said in order to process it and respond to you. Don't get mad because you now need to know the reason for the "shut down". It could be that he or she didn't understand what was being said and were too embarrassed to acknowledge that he or she just didn't get it. It could be that he or she didn't agree with you, but were trying to keep the peace by not responding. Whatever the reason, you need to know before you react. So be candid with your mate and ask why the non-response. Ask if he or she understands what you are saying, all the while assuring them that you are willing to provide a more detailed explanation if it makes them feel better or makes things more clear. If there is any chance the subject-matter is sensitive and could cause embarrassment, lead off with acknowledging that the conversation may be uncomfortable (you've just put them at ease), but embarrassment is not what you are trying to cause. You want to have a meaningful exchange with them in order to avoid or erase any embarrassment. Now if your mate is non-responsive because your conversation is abusive, disrespectful, or condescending, then you shouldn't expect them to listen to you. This type of conversation is just offensive sound and does not deserve anyone's concentration or processing.
Now when your mate is listening to you, several things are going on because listening is more than receiving sound. It is a conscious choice to concentrate on the sound received and to further process it for certain purposes, including responding. People listen whenever something of importance is being said. They listen when the conversation is complimentary, interesting, and stimulating. People listen to information they believe will help them in some way. Even when the news isn't good, your mate may be willing to listen based on your delivery. We constantly hear the phrase, "it's not what you said, but how you said it." This reaffirms that good piece of advice that says we must work at our delivery (how you say it) whenever we're trying to resolve issues in our relationships. You can be candid, but compassionate; blunt but blameless; direct, but delicate; honest, but humble. If we want our relationship with our mate to involve listening rather than just hearing, then we must be conscious of what we are saying and how we're saying it. When your mate is listening, they may not respond verbally. However, you will know they heard you when they respond with a change, an improvement, or even by discontinuing an offense act or conversation. This happens not only because they heard you, but they also listened to you.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Learn How to Do It! No Magic Spells Or Potions

Bookmark and Share

Rescue your relationship using actual and sensible options that will help you get back on track with your relationship, no magic spells or potions. The things that might make or break a relationship are love, trust, and respect. The relationship will be doomed if considering removing one of these necessities. Use one or all these relationship techniques to help rescue your relationship if your relationship is rocky.
Lack of romance is one good reason why some relationships die. Those unbelievable butterflies and emotions of good pleasure that happen whenever you first meet and fall in love, don't last. After the incredible passion and pleasure, a relationship settles into a more calm and normal interval of stability and consistency. During this time every day routines can seem boring, especially in comparison with how exciting all of it felt whenever you two first met and began dating.
The factor you need to bear in mind is that this initial rush and infatuation isn't true love and is not sustainable. The hope is that this era transitions right into a deeper abiding kind of love. Here are some ways to nurture the abiding kind of love that lasts.
The type of love that may help rescue your relationship and take it to subsequent levels. Exemplify one of the best qualities that make relationships work. Be honest, compassionate, loyal, understanding, accepting, forgiving and trusting. Remember that neither of you are perfect and each of you will make mistakes.
Rescue Your Relationship with A Clear Understanding
Be open and sincere with one another in a caring and optimistic manner. Address grievances or problems before they get out of hand. An unresolved concern that is not communicated might be revealed in other ways and is prone to result in you having issues such as resentment, anger and hurt. If you are not sure about how to rescue your relationship from having these issues, talk it over with your partner.
No one is perfect. Imperfections in a mate or relationship don't mean that the relationship is doomed to fail. The truth is, it is a chance to learn about each other’s weaknesses, settle for them and grow, each as people and as a couple. Doing so helps construct trust in each other, plus shows your compassion and understanding. One thing that rescue relationship counselors do is to recommend the couple take a break from certain area of communication.
If communication isn’t working well, maybe not speaking about negative issues could also be the most effective resolution after all. Avoiding heated conversations doesn't imply backing out of something. It's just proof of one's respect and love for one another. By doing this, the mind is cleared from a whole lot, allowing rationality and practicality to come back into the scene. Be thankful and be there for each other.
Live life to its fullest and spend each moment being the best you can be. When one is feeling down, the other should be the shoulder for them to cry on. If your mate is feeling good, take part, assist them and congratulate them and be enjoyable too. Have fun together. Working on a relationship doesn't have to be hard, demanding, and boring.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Three Rules

Bookmark and Share

ave you ever been somewhere, and looked at a couple and thought, "What do they see in each other?" Don't fool yourself, happy couples know that true happiness comes from below the surface. There are certain things each must do to ensure the success and growth of their relationship, so it doesn't become stagnant and neglected.
1. Accept responsibility.
One of the biggest pressure's people place on a relationship is expecting their partner to be everything.  Is just that asking for disaster? You can't bring happiness into your relationship if you are personally unhappy in the rest of your life. By accepting responsibility of your own future, it makes it easier in accepting the responsibility you have in contributing to your relationship.
2. Do what you have to do.
Let's be honest, how a happy relationship works has been kicked around since men have been able to put pen to paper. However, at the end of the day it all boils down to what you're willing to do for it. If you want to be happy with your partner ensure you are BOTH doing all that is necessary to make it work, because relationship is work. Sometimes, you may feel like it's not your problem, or not your issue, but if it's a concern to you or your partner, you both must be willing to work together to ensure of your happiness.
3. Talk, and talk some more.
I can't tell you how imperative being able to communicate effectively will make things better and take your relationship to another level. You have to listen to your partner and do the things that will make them happy. Listening is learning. Loving is living. Learn to listen!
So these are three rules to happiness.  Use them every day to make your relationship the very best it can be. I would love to hear what you do to make your relationship be the very best it can be. Share your story, and just perhaps, you'll give someone the key to their happiness.