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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

3 Common Relationship Problems

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elationships are like cars, they need constant maintenance and occasionally they break down. In fact they break down so regularly it's surprising that there are not teams of professionals touting their trade as "relationship mechanics". Perhaps there are and I've just never noticed them. In the spirit of dragging out the metaphor this article opens the tool box of techniques and strategies that will help to get your wagon back on the road, and head in the right direction.
There are three common and re-occurring themes to most relationship problems:
Not Listening
There are four distinct points, where if we are not really careful, the process of talking and listening breaks down;
Firstly there may be a difference between what the speaker means and what they actually say.
Secondly we might mis-hear what is being said.
Thirdly we might misinterpret what is being said.
Lastly we respond inappropriately to what we think has been said.
Working with this model, it’s amazing that anybody actually is able to communicate effectively at all. More often we don't and when our relationship hits the rocks (or the sidewalk to keep the metaphors consistent) it rapidly makes a difficult situation even worse. Communication within relationship problems needs to be observed carefully. Ask yourself questions like "what do I really mean to say" and "what is it that my partner is really saying". Work through everything carefully. Remember how good kindergarten teachers resolve playground squabbles in a slow deliberate manner. That's what you are aiming for.
Not Taking Responsibility
If people don't take complete responsibility for themselves, it might be difficult to get it right. It sounds harsh but he is only stating a simple fact. Nothing will change when someone refuses to admit their mistakes. The only person we can change is ourselves, and therefore the most useful thing to do is ask ourselves the question "what can I change that will help resolve our relationship problems".
Not Caring
Not caring about each other is seen by many as an immovable problem. Not true. 

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