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Friday, March 30, 2012

Prioritize Your Partner Over Everything

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ommandment I is an important one. Not because it's first on the list but because it addresses something that couples frequently over looked. Life is a busy place and no one would argue that. Letting the fast pace of life consume you and your relationship can have devastating consequences.
In my practice, I often hear couples tell the story of how busy they are. They say I have to work all these hours to support the family, I have to shuttle the children here and there, or I'm just too tired after a busy day of working and shuttling. These and/or other responsibilities may be part of your life. The unfortunate part is that they can lead you to justify your lack of attention on the relationship with "I'm just too busy."
What happens to the relationship though when you get blindly caught up in everyday life? What happens when you stop maintaining your relationship and stop giving it the attention it needs?
I use the description blindly getting caught up in life to describe the phenomena of going through life, not living it. Never stopping to smell the roses or look back to see how many of them you've stepped on. Without taking some time to pause and see how what I am doing is affecting me and others can result in waking up one morning saying "Wait this isn't the life and relationship I want or bargained for!" If that day comes, and you find yourself questioning what happened to the life and relationship I was working for, you can be certain the cause was the lack of attention and maintenance of your relationship.
Taking time to pause and evaluate where you are in respect to where you want to be, gives you an opportunity to see if your efforts are having the desired results. If you’re working all the time because you want your family to have all the things, so they can be happy, results in an unhappy family because you’re never around, you may want to revaluate the importance of working so much. People will rarely exchange attention and connection for things. If running here and there leaves no room for quality time, maybe it's time to do a little less running. It is the quality of time we spend together not the quantity so hours spent in the time does not translate into togetherness. One of the best ways to know if you're getting the desired results is to ask. Ask your partner where he or she is at. Is what I'm doing, good for you too?
Attention is the maintenance man of a relationship. It keeps us connected and a secure connection is what relationship is all about. When we take the time to give attention it lets the other know that their importance. It lets them know they're needed and valued.
Being safely connected to an important someone helps us deal with the hardships of life. The best thing you can do for you, your partner and your family is have a strong, happy, loving relationship.

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