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Sunday, March 11, 2012

Sex-Starved Marriage?

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f you are not happy with your sex life in your marriage you are certainly not alone. It has been estimated that nearly a third of marriages are 'sexless', meaning the couple has sex fewer than ten times a year. When you consider the number of couples who also experience low libido or lack of interest in sex at some time in their relationship, it would be easy to conclude that there aren't many sexually satisfied couples out there. And your conclusion would probably be correct.
Why is the case? Of course it is not what the couple intends when they get married. Usually couples have a healthy sex life early in their relationship (although perhaps only briefly). Long term relationships - and certainly marriages - are entered into with the expectation that they will be happy for the rest of their lives. But for most couples, at some point, the sexual attraction and activity begins to wane. Pretty soon sex becomes low on the list of priorities in a marriage. Most people point to other factors in reducing their sex life. They may cite pressures such as the arrival of children on the scene, financial pressures, work and career and even friends and family. Often this means there simply isn't the time for sex or one or other of the couple is too tired. Hormones are often blamed as well.
The good news is that there is something you can do about it. We are not talking about having an affair here, although many desperate people do that. It is entirely possible to re-ignite the sexual passion in your relationship; it is simply a question to doing the right things.
A clue to what the right things might be is to be found by looking back to the early days of your relationship, when things were exciting sexually. What were you doing then to create the passion and excitement? Of these things, what are you not doing now? You may say that your partner is not doing these things either any more, but the key here is to take responsibility for your behaviour and see what you can do to enhance things. By doing that - and by not laying any blame on your partner - you will find that your partner will respond to you in a more positive way.
Some of the things that couples do early in their relationship that they typically stop doing as time goes on include:
1) Putting your relationship first. Nothing has more impact on your happiness than your relationship so you need to put it as your highest priority. This means spending time with your partner and considering them in every action you take in your life. When your partner knows they are at the center of your universe once again they are going to feel much more inclined to be sexual with you.
2) Looking attractive for your partner. Have you stopped paying so much attention to your appearance and your body? Well it's time to start imagining you are dating again and do the things you would do to attract someone new. Your makeup, clothes and personal grooming - start giving them some proper attention, If you need to, lose some weight and tone up your muscles. Many people seem to have the attitude that once they have found their partner they can give up on their appearance. The opposite is true; wouldn't you want to appear more pleasingly attractive to the one you love than to a stranger.
These are just two of the things you can do to make yourself more attractive to your spouse or partner. Once you start putting this sort of effort in, you might be surprised at the effect it has on your sex life with them.

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