If you've got a history of being in abusive relationships, you may worry that you're destined to have pain for the rest of your life in one bad relationship after another. However, let me assure you that you can indeed change the results you are getting so that you avoid entering into another relationship that is unhealthy.
But you are going to have to start thinking differently and making different choices. Here are five powerful techniques to get you started on the right path:
1. Every day, several times throughout the day, repeat an affirmation that is simple to remember and positive in its message. An example is, "I commit to being in healthy relationship” Write it on slips of paper that you post wherever you will see the affirmation frequently, such as on your fridge, next to the bathroom sink, on your desk at work, in your wallet. If privacy is an issue for you, keep it in your pocket, but be sure to read it often. Positive affirmations, if used consistently and persistently, will retrain your thinking and empower you to attract the right person
2. Meditate every day for 15 minutes. If you've never tried meditation, you may have the image of someone sitting in a painful-looking position, eyes closed and humming a chant. Meditation is actually a much simpler process that anyone, even a child, can learn and master. It simply means getting quiet within you. You can even do this at your desk for 5-minute refresher breaks, but 15 minutes seems to be the optimum amount of time to see the best benefits from meditation. While meditating, thoughts will pop up. They may be random such as a reminder that you need to buy provisions at the super market or worries about problems you feel are overwhelming. No matter the nature of the thought, dismiss it gently and keep your focus on breathing calmly. This quiet time of meditation allows your mind freedom to stretch into the realm of solutions instead of being stuck in fretting over the relationships that have brought you pain and the fear that you will never find love. Breathe slowly, deeply, calmly. It usually helps to close your eyes softly to reduce distractions.
3. Cultivate healthy friendships. If the abusive relationship kept you isolated, which is frequently the case, you may feel there is an absence of friends you can trust. So the challenge is to find those new friends to have a mutually supportive relationship with. Places you can look for friends include your work place, your place of worship if you have that in your life, and meet up groups. You can also check online to meet friends with common interest, cross check their reality and mingle in real life (Don’t be afraid to meet someone you come across online. Some may be fake and bad, no doubt. There are good ones too; you may also meet a wonderful person! Just conduct a reality check and connect). You will see there are many categories of groups, and there's bound to be one or more that you are interested in such as hobbyists, sports enthusiasts etc. Don't just sit at home and complain you have no friends. They are out there right now, wishing they had a friend just like you. Attract them to you by being the kind of friend you want them to be to you. Practice now being a loving and kind person. You can express that even with strangers you meet, such as smiling at the next person in line at the ATM, or saying a few friendly words to the mall cashier. Allow love to flow through you. It's safe now. I know it didn't feel safe to express love in the abusive relationship, because being vulnerable always brought more pain, but you need to heal from that and allow love to do that healing as it flows from the Universal Spirit through you and out to others in your life.
4. Drop your hyper vigilance. What does it mean to be hyper vigilant? You might not have even known it's got a name, but it's what "victims" in an abusive relationship start doing as they stay longer and longer with the abuser and try to cope. It means being on guard constantly, watching every move he makes, and weighing every word he says, waiting for the next outburst and trying desperately to head it off. It also means that you take offense in a knee-jerk reaction to even harmless comments. If you hold on to your old hyper vigilant reactionary mode, when you're talking to a potential new date or new friend, you'll be watching them like a hawk and ready to pounce on the tiniest joke as being evidence of abuse. Learn more about healing from your abusive past so that you can indeed relegate it to the past and not keep the wounds open and oozing. Ugly image, isn't it? And yet that pain is what so many people stay stuck in. Even after the abusive relationship has ended, they continue thinking and talking about all the pain they experienced, keeping it alive in the present as if it's still happening. I urge you to allow your old hyper vigilant reactions to die along with the dead relationship.
5. Write a vision statement, describing the perfect relationship you would like to attract into your life. Write it in the present tense as if it is already true in your life and you are so happy and grateful that this wonderful person loves you just as you love them, and your happy life together is simply fabulous in every way. Read the vision statement at least once a day. If possible, record it and listen to your own voice telling this dream as if it is already real. Imagine how you will feel, and involve all your senses in this vision of the love relationship you want to experience. You can do this by visualizing that, for example, you are at a fruit market selecting a melon together and then you go home and cut into it- smell it, taste it, feed bites of it to each other, laugh as the melon juice drips down your chin, lean in and kiss. Did you get a movie image in your head from that description? Could you see yourself laughing and eating a juicy watermelon or apple with a wonderful love mate? Get very specific about the kind of person you want to attract into your life. By the way, be sure to avoid saying the things you "don't" want him or her to be like. For instance avoid phrases in your vision statement such as, "My soul mate never yells at me or makes me feel inferior." Instead, since that painful experience is one you really want to avoid recreating in your new relationship, flip that statement to its positive side and include statements in your vision like, "My soul mate is loving, kind, caring and affectionate and we enjoy quality time together."
Now that you have better idea of how to avoid an abusive relationship, I hope you will dismiss any worries that you will inadvertently land in, again. The truth is, the way the universal Law of Attraction works, if you focus your attention on attracting a healthy, loving relationship into your life, you cannot attract the abusive kind ever again. Abusive relationship operates on a lower frequency, and if you follow the tips above, you will be living on a higher frequency in this world of ours, a spiritual and emotional frequency where love resides. And that's a promise.