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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Starting Anew After Infidelity

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relationship issues

Taking steps to surviving infidelity can be challenging but necessary to return to a normal life and relationship. Being a victim of unfaithfulness can crush an individual's spirit and cause periods of depression, anxiety and hurt. Learning how to put the pieces of both lives back together is a team effort and both sides need to commit to repairing the trust that has been broken.

The first step to take is making a firm commitment to your relationship. The trust has been broken but it does not mean it cannot be restored. If both parties are not on board with this, the relationship will ultimately fail. The unfaithful partner must stop the illicit affair immediately and put all of his efforts back into his original relationship.

Communicate your feelings to your partner so he can understand how badly you've been hurt but also how much you want the relationship to work and continue. Be open to their own expressions of how they feel and allow them to vent their own perceptions of why the transgression occurred. They may have been feeling unappreciated or neglected. It may have been a bad decision during a moment of stress or inebriation. Whatever the reason, it needs to be aired so the damage can be rectified as much as possible and both individuals can move on in the relationship.

Do not make snap decisions. Emotions will be running high and thinking may not be clear. Wait until the air is cleared and issues can be discussed responsibly and tactfully.

Seek counselling if efforts toward reconciliation are not working. Family and marriage counsellors can assist couples in working through the anger, hurt and betrayal of an unfaithful spouse or significant other. It does take long periods of time and major effort to get through this process. Be discreet and refrain from discussing the details of your sessions with friends or family - this is personal and should be worked out in private.

Plan for the future. Looking ahead to a life together will assist in the healing process. Anticipating trips, planning events, and maximizing time spent together will begin to ease the pain and humiliation of the infidelity. Keep all lines of communication open and be sensitive to each others' needs.

Surviving infidelity and recovering from its aftermath is never easy. It may be difficult to imagine at the time but the hurt will eventually fade and hopefully trust in your partner will return. Sometimes a relationship cannot handle the aftermath of infidelity and the marriage may fail-prevention is better than cure.

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