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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Work on Your Communication Skill

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Getting along with yourself first is the quality you need before getting along with another. For how can you succeed in a relationship if you can’t manage yourself? For many, what does it mean to get along with one’s self?

Disunity with one’s self actually means self-conflict, negative self-talk and all the emotions that accompany our self-esteem and how we view ourselves in comparison to others. That in itself is a negative thought process in that we are unique individuals who don't need to compare ourselves to others. Of course, we can admire others and desire to emulate them in how they are perceived by other people and how successful and happy they exude.

If your life isn't all you'd like it to be you can reverse it and start on a path of reflection and the goal of inner-peace.

Once you have decided you're a nice person and who you are is pleasing to you, then you're ready to be all you can to others. You can be a good partner or spouse.  When you have learned how to manage yourself and your emotions you can be effective at managing your relationship with another.

Communicate Well and your Life Will Flow Smoothly
Someone who is not proficient at communication is much like a ship without a rudder. You are not going to be able to steer your life in the direction you'd prefer to go.

If you can't verbalize your feelings and thoughts to another it makes it very difficult for that person because they may sit and attempt to discuss a conflict or challenge they are having with you, yet someone who is non-communicative simply says, in their best interpretation of a 4-year old child, "I don't know."
What does that mean, "I don't know?"

If someone is being difficult or seems angry with you and you're making an attempt to get to the underlying problem, it's maddening to hear them respond to your queries with, "I don't know."

To the person trying very hard to open up the lines of communication it's like trying to put you in a state of confusion. For the person who can only answer "I don't know," Ask them again "Well, if you don't know, who does?"

When the other person trying in vain to evoke some kind of emotion or answer from the person who has no clue how to communicate it can be very frustrating. The person who is "verbally challenged" would be well-advised to take a course in communication or perhaps seek counselling of some kind to learn some communication skills.

It's so refreshing to have a discussion with someone who is clear, concise and knows how to get their message across in a minute or less.

Of course conversations among lovers can take hours and be very stimulating and entertaining. When you're having a great conversation with someone, the time seems to fly and you suddenly realize you've been talking for a long time but it seemed like only minutes.

The opposite end of the spectrum is conversing with someone who can't verbalize feelings or emotions. A five-minute discussion can seem like days and can create more stress while you wait what seems like an eternity for some kind of response. You may do all your best to avoid those moments if you are in such a relationship. Of what benefits are stressful moments!

Setting Goals Together
Whether it's goal-setting with a spouse or partner in respect to creating a smooth and cohesive level of communication, it's very important because studies have shown that cooperation and having the same goals helps any relationship survive the ups and downs that are inevitable.

Always keep in mind there is no such thing as perfection. As human beings we are in a constant state of improvement on a personal level and that includes communication in our relationships.

It is very important that you feel comfortable in verbalizing what your specific desires are in the relationship as well as listening and understanding the wants and needs of the other person.

Take time to compromise, be willing and open to change. Talking together and creating a goal-setting plan shows you are interested and care about the other person's needs for a fruitful and happy relationship, realizing both of you are different yet willing to accept the differences in each other.

Improving your Life in your Relationship
Care for yourself by loving and respecting who you are inside and out. Be kind and give yourself gifts of time to relax, unwind and even indulge yourself in meditation.

Take walks, read interesting books, listen to music that makes you feel good
If you begin to feel frustrated then you need to find out what is causing it and deal with the root of the problem immediately. Controlling your emotions is not taking care of the challenge. You need to solve the problem that is bringing up feelings of frustration.

Be Kind To Your Mind
Pay attention to your 'self-talk,' and make sure it's not negative in nature.
Positive self-talk is good, negative is self-defeating and no constructive.

Be Present
The person who is perceived as aloof and not 'present' in conversations may find it difficult in communication. They never seem to really trust and once your partner pick it up, they start avoiding you. Many people grew up with abandonment issues from childhood and bring those issues into their adult lives. They appear to their partners as controlling, angry, abusive and even smothering, demanding attention to their needs at all times yet not seeming to care about the feelings or needs of their partners.

It will take work and patience but with time you can be the person you desire to be and have a happy and a fruitful relationship

Once you decide to receive helps in your relationship or marriage, you'll be shocked how quickly they become magical.

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