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Saturday, December 22, 2012

Don't Be a Nag

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By Barr Godson Nwachukwu

I saw some interesting research recently, which shows that if you nag someone to do something they are actually less likely to do it than if you don't nag them. I can't say it really surprised me- I know how I feel about being nagged.

The fact is that nagging is pointless. If your partner isn't going to do whatever it is because they love you, they're certainly not going to do it because you nag them. All you've achieved is resentment and a deterioration in your relationship and that's not going to help either of you.

You're just going to come up with another way to get it done. Maybe if you tried getting off their back, they would do the thing eventually- in their own time. Perhaps you just need to adapt to their timescale. Or maybe you need to sit down and talk to them about why they don't do it. Not accusingly of course, that would just be nagging in a different way, but with genuine concern to find out whether there's a problem. They could be exhausted, they could be unsure how to do it, they could believe it's your job and they don't see why they should do it.

Or perhaps you need to get more creative. Try tickling them until they do it. Or having a good-natured deal that you won't do a certain thing until they've done theirs- it's got to be good-natured though or you're back to nagging again. If your partner isn't generally idle, there's got to be good reason why they're not doing whatever it is -wiping their boots before they walk on the carpet, or fixing the broken light. Try to get to the root of the problem. If they just hate that particular chore, maybe you can swap it.

If you were foolhardy enough to fall in love with someone who is just darned lazy and can't be bothered to get off their backside, in the end you may have to accept that you're going to have to do more yourself. It's either that or nag and then do it yourself anyway. That's the price you pay for choosing to be with a lazy person. If they have enough compensating qualities it will be worth it. If they don't, well.......your call.

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