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Sunday, December 9, 2012

How to Survive After Breakup

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When a breakup occurs, there are usually so many questions that go through our minds. One common issue is whether or not to blame ourselves for part, or all of the reasons behind the dissolved relationship. But an even bigger issue involves the residual effects of what occurred during the ended relationship. These nagging questions can raise concerns and doubts about who we are, and what we have to bring to the next relationship.

It is sad the amount of time and energy that was invested in the past relationship is gone, but the focus shouldn't really be on what was lost, but more about what was gained. Did you learn anything from the experience? Bad experiences are made even worse when we fail to learn what made them "bad" in the first place.

There were obviously problems so the important thing to do is to work out how you could have done things differently and file the new knowledge under "experience". This will prevent you from repeating "bad" history.

One of the worst things you can do is beat yourself up over it. Even if the blame lies solely with you, it's still all in the past. Learn from your mistakes and let it go. Carrying around guilt and regret isn't going to help you at all and it certainly isn't going to make you appealing to other singles. All it will do is foul up your mood and your outlook.

Another mistake to avoid is to try to take this on alone. This is a perfect example of why you need the love and support of your family and friends. They might not necessarily need to sit you down for advice, but just knowing they are there to listen speaks volumes.

You also need to keep yourself busy. Sitting in a quiet room reflecting is damaging. This will bring about depression, anxiety, and more guilt and regret. Keep yourself occupied with activities. Take up a new hobby or pursue an old one. Learn something new to keep your mind fresh and to help you to challenge your thinking. If you sit around doing nothing it allows the opportunity for you to feel sorry for yourself.

Above all else, remember recovering from a relationship breakup takes time. It takes time to heal and it takes time to rebuild. Give yourself the appropriate amount of time before you dive back into the dating world. If you pay close enough attention to yourself, you'll know when you're ready.

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