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Saturday, February 25, 2012

How You Can Effectively Rebuild Trust In a Relationship

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rust in a relationship is something that is hard to make and easy to break. This is a sad fact- but true to the core! Whether you have been scorned by white lies from a loved one or deeply devastated from someone being unfaithful in a committed relationship, there are ways that you can rebuild trust in a relationship without having to end the relationship. Here are some quick tips to apply when you want to effectively rebuild trust in your relationship:
Communicate effectively: One of the major ways that you can effectively rebuild trust in your relationship is to sharpen up on your communication skills. This means that as well as expressing your fears, hopes, and dreams that you also listen closely to another person's expressions justifiably. Learning how to "talk" and really "listen" is a significant stepping stone for rebuilding the foundation of trust between two entities.
Do not dwell on the past: Dwelling on a number of events or "the event" that led to the lack of trust or broken trust in the relationship can actually be a detriment to any progress of rebuilding a sense of trust and mutual respect. Be sure to let the future be the judge and do not continually throw up past events. You cannot move forward without letting go of past events.
Let time take its course: No one says a day or two can erase the pain or agony of an event that broke trust, however if you realize that it takes time to get over these influential circumstances then you can better move on and heal. Allow time to take its course, with a bit of time what has happened may seem less significant to an improved future.
Do not assume: Assumptions and letting your mind take over out of paranoia of being lied to or cheated on and hurt again can utterly destroy everything that may be left of a relationship out of a trauma. Instead try to think positive and less negatively. Give another the benefit of the doubt before casting stones and accusations. Try to take a more neutral stance and focus on other flaws within yourself as well as accepting responsibility for your actions in the relationship.
Although it is not an easy task when deep hurt and anger resides after someone has broken trust, it is not impossible. There is much hope and many ways that can effectively help you rebuild trust in a relationship, and also that will help you to acquire a healthy relationship that will be stronger than ever before.

Friday, February 24, 2012

You Have the Power

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ow many times have you sat with heartache, sobbing into your tissues, wondering, what you did wrong, why me, not again and how could I have been so stupid? I know that we might have been there more than once, searching for that elusive relationship, looking for the magical one, your "Mr Right." Sadly though, it might be you. You are the one that has, unconsciously, done something wrong. May be you have gotten exactly what you wanted over and over again. Before you stop reading in indignation, take a big deep breath and go on a journey of discovery with me.
From birth we are brought up to live from the outside in. Everything we are, everything we feel is programmed into us through our five senses; sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. The environment in which we grow up, conditions us, creates our habits, our habits create our behaviours and our behaviours give us our results.
Have you ever wondered why someone who comes from an abusive home often finds that they end up in abusive relationships? It's their norm, to them, that's how relationships are supposed to be. The same often occurs in the case of people with unfaithful partners, and you wonder, why do you always meet men that cheat? Then you start to generalise that all men are the same, but that's not the case, you just keep attracting the same type of men to you that match your character. But what if you could think yourself into different results, what if you could use your head to give your heart exactly what you desire? Think about this, the greatest leaders in the world, all through history, have stated that if you want to be successful and have control over your results you have to think from the inside out. And why shouldn't you plan the type of relationship you want, instead of leaving it to chance, how has chance been working for you so far?
Now, take a big deep breath, gather your thoughts about you, get a notebook and a pen, the new you, you have always wanted to be is about to rise from the ashes of your previous relationships. You're going to be thinking into results from now on. Draw a line down the centre of your notebook and write down all the things you don't want from a relationship on the right hand side and all the things you do want on the left hand side. Don't rush this part of the exercise, it's important, make sure you write down every non-serving [habits] about a relationship that you have, don't leave any out.
Now that you have done this exercise you're bound to find that there are more items on the right hand side than on the left hand side? Cut the page in half. Take the piece with all the things you don't want from a relationship outside tear it into pieces into a dump watching all those negative thoughts varnish. Your subconscious mind believes everything it is presented with, it cannot differentiate between fact and fiction, and the symbolic meaning of dumping the negative thoughts is extremely cathartic. You still have the piece of paper with all the things you do want from a relationship in your notebook, read them through slowly and make sure that you have all the things you can think of right now.
When you have all the points written down, take a fresh page of your notebook and write down these words first, "I am so happy and grateful now that......." followed by all the things you do want out of a relationship. You should be feeling quite excited by now. You are on the road to getting exactly the results you want. Writing out your dreams, your goals for the relationship you want causes thinking, thinking creates an image of the relationship in your mind, the image stirs emotions, emotions cause action and action sets up a reaction, leading to new result, the one that you want.
The very first step towards a successful relationship is knowing what you want, you need to know to get it, just what you want. You will send out the right vibrations naturally, by reading every day, over and over, your relationship goals, until they become your new paradigms. And sooner than you know it, you will start attracting the right kind of partner into your life.
Now you are in the right frame of mind to hone your intellectual faculties, these are the higher faculties that we all possess, which makes us the highest form of creation on the planet that we know of at least. These faculties are Perception, Will, Imagination, Memory, Reason and Intuition and it is to your advantage to develop these faculties to a greater degree.
When you look at the results you were achieving, you now know what you were thinking, and when you were thinking it, it caused feelings and those feelings, caused the action and the action caused the reaction producing the same result over and over. Now you have the power. Stop letting the outside world control your mind. Be an objective observer when it comes to outside forces, look at your results as would a total stranger and if you're saying to yourself "Hmm, I don't think I want that" then begin to think about what you do want. Everything in life takes practise and repetition; it's the same with relationship.
Now that I have had your undivided attention for a while I can almost hear the voices of doubt whispering to you, "it can't be that easy", "it's not going to work", and "my friends will laugh at me". Will they? If they do then they're not true friends. Think about this, the very next time you hear the words "you can't" shout as loudly as you can, depending where you are, "NEXT! I only want ideas about how I can.". Whenever you get the feelings of doubt get out your notebook and write on the top of the page "how I can get the relationship that I want?" and then write on the other side "how I can't" then put a big cross on the how I can't page as you are not interested in negative thoughts and how you can't.
Doing this hones your faculty of Reason and reason is what provides us with the ability to think. Through our inductive reasoning faculty we have the ability to originate thoughts and form ideas, we can observe how and what we are doing and then think of ideas on how to do it better. You had been bogged down by outside forces, conditioned to believe and behave in a certain way, this conditioning often caused unrealistic expectations of relationships in the past. Romanticised ideals are not what a relationship is all about, it is about mutual respect, love, partnership, laughter, family and fun, and most importantly understanding, through the good times and the tough times, and you can have everything you want in a relationship, by thinking into the results that you want.
Don't let the outside forces control you, you control them. I'd like to leave you with one of my favourite quotations, "When you change the way you see the world, the world you see will change!" Dr Wayne Dyer.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Are You Desirable?

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n the world of relationships, there are perhaps very few things that are more devastating than being left by someone you cared about. If you have experienced this, particularly more than once, it is natural to wonder if there is something wrong with you.
This line of thinking can be self-defeating if it beckons you to a pity party. However, there is no harm in inspecting yourself honestly, in the privacy of your own heart. After all, think about it--maintaining a relationship involves making investments. So, in order for your partner to desire to be with you in the long haul, he or she must see something desirable in you. Otherwise, why should he or she be willing to keep you around?
Here are a few central traits for you to consider. They give you a brief look as to how undesirable you are in the eyes of a potential mate.
1. Breaking your words
Did you agree on having him pick you up at 5, only to make him wait until 6 because you'd lost track of time and had to wash your hair and find that favourite skirt and iron it? Breaking your promise is highly unattractive. After all, if your partner can't trust your words, why should he or she trust you?
2. Having loose lips
When she shared a sensitive issue with you, do you then tell your brother (or work-out buddy, or roommate, or anybody else) about it? Do you know what your partner considers to be sensitive topics? If you don't, clarify it with him or her. Knowing what should be kept within your relationship versus what can be shared with the outside world tells your partner that you are a safe place.
3. Comparing yourself with another
Do you bug your significant other about whether you are better than his or her ex? Do you quiz him afterwards whenever he goes to lunch with his female co-workers? This type of behaviour will only tip your hand as to how insecure you feel in relation to those you consider to be competition. Insecurity drives potential suitors away like the plague!
4. Throwing temper tantrums
Whether he forgot your birthday or she did something against your advice, this individual whom you were so in love with will eventually let you down. What you do in the wake of this disappointment. If you react in a hissy fit, or if you throw around "I told you so's" easily when your partner makes a mistake, you may just effectively tell him or her that you are not worth keeping. Reacting in this manner shows that you care more about your feelings than your partner's. And who would want to be with a self-centred individual like that?
If you find yourself relating to these scenarios, don't despair. Use these pointers as key issues for you to work on before embarking on your next romantic relationship.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

3 Common Relationship Problems

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elationships are like cars, they need constant maintenance and occasionally they break down. In fact they break down so regularly it's surprising that there are not teams of professionals touting their trade as "relationship mechanics". Perhaps there are and I've just never noticed them. In the spirit of dragging out the metaphor this article opens the tool box of techniques and strategies that will help to get your wagon back on the road, and head in the right direction.
There are three common and re-occurring themes to most relationship problems:
Not Listening
There are four distinct points, where if we are not really careful, the process of talking and listening breaks down;
Firstly there may be a difference between what the speaker means and what they actually say.
Secondly we might mis-hear what is being said.
Thirdly we might misinterpret what is being said.
Lastly we respond inappropriately to what we think has been said.
Working with this model, it’s amazing that anybody actually is able to communicate effectively at all. More often we don't and when our relationship hits the rocks (or the sidewalk to keep the metaphors consistent) it rapidly makes a difficult situation even worse. Communication within relationship problems needs to be observed carefully. Ask yourself questions like "what do I really mean to say" and "what is it that my partner is really saying". Work through everything carefully. Remember how good kindergarten teachers resolve playground squabbles in a slow deliberate manner. That's what you are aiming for.
Not Taking Responsibility
If people don't take complete responsibility for themselves, it might be difficult to get it right. It sounds harsh but he is only stating a simple fact. Nothing will change when someone refuses to admit their mistakes. The only person we can change is ourselves, and therefore the most useful thing to do is ask ourselves the question "what can I change that will help resolve our relationship problems".
Not Caring
Not caring about each other is seen by many as an immovable problem. Not true. 

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Developing and Energizing Your Relationship

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uilding a relationship matters, but maintaining and developing it to the next level matters the most. Due to ever-increasing hunger to earn more piles of money and become rich overnight, relationships are compromised. We have fallen prey to the 'money trap' as it's visible that we run behind money faster than we follow a certain relationship. Suppose, you are a husband, your sole attention is to earn more to buy more luxuries and entertainment for your family and spouse. However, you constantly ignore the fact that family needs you more than it needs money.
See the following 3 step guide, which might help you maintain a work-life balance and facilitate in re-energizing cold association.
Remember Special Days:
Although I believe that every day is special, if you really grasp the art of living a great life. However, there are few days, which matter more than ordinary days. They refresh your memories and forgotten joys of the past. For example, your wedding anniversary, your engagement day, your wife or husband's birthday or any similar day that matters a lot in personal life. The punch line here is to celebrate or at least remember that day.
Capitalize the Magic of Words & Quotes:
When you celebrate certain day, don't forget to express your love and regards for that special person.
Do a simple trick; buy a relevant card and express your emotions in writing. Jot down what you feel about the person and express the deepest possible emotions. Playing the emotional tricks is one of the most effective keys to keep a relationship energized. Try to find some relevant love quote to write down on your card. If you can afford it, print a custom card with your favourite quotation and signature on it and present it to your loved one. However, don't take it as formality; instead express your love verbally as well as in writing.
Small Things Matter the Most:
We always tend to underestimate the power of small things. See, a small text message saying, 'I love you' or 'I miss you' can play the magic. Learn to say small but positive things again and again. Moreover, coming back to home with some chocolates, a flower or any tiny item, which shows your care and love, makes things better. Learn the art of expressing your love and always share your feelings and problems even smaller one. These small things can bring great rewards to you.
Finally, always bear in mind that, most of the misunderstandings and problems are as a result of communication gap. Use your communication skills, art of expression and dealing and power of words to your advantage. Timely said one word or quote, can speak volumes on your behalf. 

Monday, February 20, 2012

Make Your Relationship Stronger

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s your relationship not working the way you wanted it to? Do you consider your relationship to be weak? There are a few small things you can do to make your relationship stronger and last forever. Here are a few tips on how to make your relationship stronger: -
Honesty - Honesty is the best policy, an important aspect in almost everything you do. If you are not honest to your partner, then you are yourself making your relationship weaker. Being honest to your partner is another way of telling that you love them a lot and hide nothing from them. This makes your relationship have a strong internal bonding.
Trust - You have to trust your partner as much as they have to trust you. In the same way, both have to build up trust to keep the relationship bonding strong. Nothing breaks off a relationship faster than a broken trust. To keep your relationship healthy, it is important to keep the trust factor at a high level.
Communication - What most people forget is that communication is one of the most important aspects in keeping a relationship healthy. Two people in a relationship must communicate often. It is when you communicate often and share all the details, you build the trust, get to show that you're honest with them and thus love them a lot. Another important part of communication is listening. Listening attentively to what your partner is saying is a good way to keep things alright between the two.
Importance - Giving importance to your partner is a very much needed aspect to keep the relationship strong and healthy. When you give importance to your partner, they notice it and respect it. If you don't give them the required importance, it will start to create issues in your relationship and give them a feeling that you don't love them anymore. Simple caring for your partner also works as giving importance. Buy them such gifts on their birthdays that your partner would simply love it.
Commitment - Every relationship needs proper commitment to remain healthy. Anybody who is completely honest with themselves would agree how important the commitment is. Don't confuse commitment to marriage but commitment to put effort in a relationship, to keep maintaining it as a priority, to be there for your partner whenever they require you. Marriage relationship or not, a commitment is definitely required.
Often these very little things have the tendency to make a huge difference in one's life and relationship. If you follow these simple points, you are definitely going to make your relationship much healthier and stronger.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

"Will He Change?"

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t may be the number one complaint men have about women, "She's always trying to change me...she was fine with me before we got married, what's the difference now?" And it may be the number one complaint women have about men, "Why won't he change? He knows this only infuriates me!"
Maybe it is the number one complaint, then again, maybe not. Either way, it has to rank somewhere in the top five, as often as people are heard saying it!
Here's the cut and dry, black and white of it all: he will not change unless he wants to.
That's it! So, if this is the case (and it is), the question remains: is there a possible solution to help both genders co-exist with a genuine level of contentment and acceptance regardless of this fact?
Yes! Everyone always talks about compromise in relationships, so why not on this topic as well? But in case that word is a bit confining for you, consider the approach described here instead.
First and foremost, try to place your expectations of the other person within their limitations, male or female.
What this means, for example, is that if you have been dating a man for five years and he has never put the toilet seat down, even though you have asked him to a zillion times, do not - I repeat - do not expect him to start putting it down simply because you are now married! You will be sorely disappointed, and may even wind up with a wet derrière if you don't pay attention!
Placing your expectations within someone's limitations does not mean you are settling or lowering your standards. It only means that you willingly accept and acknowledge what this person will actually do, being true to themselves, regardless of your desires.
Why would you accept a pet peeve that you don't like? Why stop nagging at them to do what you want? Ask yourself how it has been working so far, and when you realize it has only frustrated you further and amounted to more arguments and less cooperation, well, then you have your answer as to why you need a new approach.
When you make this adjustment willingly, two things will immediately take place: 1) you will not be as easily upset or frustrated with them and will actually feel less stressed and happier; and 2) they will not have to listen to your persistent prodding all the time about what they assumed you had already accepted about them.
Therefore, there will be more harmony in the relationship and fewer disputes, leaving more room for love and positive affection! Which leads to yet another very possible outcome...
When people feel comfortable and unconditionally accepted by their lover, they tend to want to please them more. This usually shows itself when they begin practicing the little things that make such a big difference to the other person. Quite often, this act could very well be a simple gesture.
Keep in mind that when someone refuses to do something so simple, it may very well be just to prove the point that they do not have to change for you.
When you eliminate the need to change just to be in your presence, they often make the choice to change on their own - and everyone winds up much happier and getting what they wanted in the first place (love, mutual respect and acceptance), of course!
Before you make up your mind that this is all hogwash, try it with a pure heart and give it enough time to see what happens.