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Friday, March 23, 2012

These Simple Tips Can Improve Your Marriage

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re you tired of being married but lonely and want to improve your marriage? If you aren't careful your marriage can slide quickly from so-so to over. Please don't think that I'm trying to scare you some folks getting married, end up divorced. So it's obviously to your advantage to fix your marriage now and avoid the painful divorce process.
So what are your top three marriage issues that you would like to see disappear? Is it the lack of communication, lack of trust, lack of intimacy, lack of finances, lack of time or lack of agreement on raising your children? I hope you didn't nod your head yes to all of these, although it wouldn't surprise me if you did.
Marriage was never meant to be this hard, right? Just a short while ago you couldn't stop talking and holding hands and kissing. Time and intimacy wasn't an issue because your relationship was the top priority. Leaving work early was a must and the weekends were dedicated to spending time together. So what happened?
Well, what most couples say is that as life unfolded and reality set in what seemed to be perfect started to slowly show its defects. There is always a question of whether one or both spouses changed and that becomes the recurring theme in arguments or heated conversations. It goes one or two ways, "you have changed" or "you need to change".
It is clear that marriage takes work. It's a pretty simple concept but one that many married individuals overlook. I would also say that many individuals think that they are working on their marriage and trying to improve it. The problem is that because of the fractured relationship there is little trust, communication and intimacy. It is hard to fix a marriage when the husband and wife can barely tolerate one another.
My goodness, you might have a hard time being in the same room. Have you ever thought, "What if my spouse disappeared" Come on be honest. I'm not talking about anything bad happening. Just a thought of, "I wonder how life would have been had we not married"? Well, it's a normal train of thought when you are frustrated, resentful and desire some improvement in your marriage. This kind of thinking becomes harmful because you can start to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally to be separated from your spouse.
Instead of envisioning separation why not replace those images and thoughts with more positive ones, i.e., your marriage being healed and improved? Get rid of the negative thinking and your attitude toward your spouse will be better. With a better attitude you will have more peace and then guess what? You will have more joy and an improved marriage.
2 Simple Tips To Improve Your Marriage
The first tip if you want to improve your marriage is that you must be willing to give of yourself unconditionally. I know what you are thinking and it's bordering on the negative side. Remember, positive thoughts will result in positive actions.
What I'm suggesting is that you make positive changes to improve your marriage and don't base them on conditions that your spouse must do something in return. If you can do this your motives will be pure, and in time, your spouse will appreciate that you are giving out of love and unselfishness.
The second tip that I would recommend is that you make your marriage improvement a top priority. What this means is that you spend more time working at your marriage than you do watching cable TV shows. If you are spending no time together now, how can you ever improve your marriage? It's not like a cold that comes and goes. It's like pneumonia, if left untreated it can make you miserable and might even kill you.
A good place to start is making a conscious effort to think about each day and consider the following; what do I have planned today to help my marriage get better? If you keep coming up with nothing then you aren't doing enough to fix your marriage. If you try hard enough your words and your actions can be used to help build up your marriage or tear apart your marriage. The choice is yours

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Guide to Finding a True Love

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nyone who has ever lost a partner, gotten divorced, or ended a relationship can attest that love can be one of life's greatest blessings. Valentine's Day can bring the painful reminder of what is missing in one's love life. This reminder can be very stressful and lonely. With loneliness, comes the feeling of being inadequate.
What is the secret of finding true love in life? People usually put a strong focus toward attracting the right partner in life, and they ignore the internal problems that prevent a kinship from developing.
The search should start from inside your soul. If you feel inadequate, and unloving of yourself, then you are not generating positive energy around yourself. The Law of Attraction states that you attract energy similar to what we feel deep inside. If you do not love yourself then it is impossible to attract a partner who will truly love you. In order to find the love you are seeking, you need to develop higher self-esteem and self-love. In order to achieve self-worth consider the following:
1. Start making a list of things that you like about yourself. You may begin with physical attributes such as your eyes, your face, or your hair. Eventually, add your personal and mental qualities. Perhaps you are caring and considerate or intelligent and creative. Rather than finding faults about yourself, focus on finding strengths. It won't take long before you see things about yourself that you love.
2. Bring happiness and joy in your life. This step is exceptionally important. If you worry too much, or feel heavily burdened, it is time to give yourself a break and bring joy back into your life. Find someone who can spend some happy moments with you. Your companion doesn't have to be your life partner. He or she can be a friend, co-worker, neighbour, or a family member. Have a good time when you are alone, too. The more you become truly happy inside, the opportunity to attract someone who will truly admire you becomes much more likely. Remember that happiness attracts happiness.
3. While practicing to become happy, use meditation as an aide. Meditation will assist in finding your inner state of grace. As you silence your busy mind, and listen to your own heartbeat, you become aware of your calm center. In this center you will find true love, joy, and peace.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Relationship Mistakes

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t is heart breaking when people are ending up their relationship and this applies to lovers or even couples who have been together for a long time. It may seem unbelievable for some people but these relationships end for a reason.
The mistakes in a relationship can be a teaching experience because we learn from it. Everyone is capable of making mistakes because we are not perfect creatures. However, making mistakes repeatedly in a relationship is a different thing. One must know when to stop doing the mistakes because it will only create a negative effect in your relationship's future.
Here are some common mistakes in a relationship and check out my advice on how to avoid it.
- Cheating. This is by far the most unpleasant and deadly mistake that ruin a relationship. Not only will your partner think that you betrayed them but you will also completely lose their respect and trust. There is no way to build or rebuild a relationship when there is no trust. As couples you need to spend more time with each other and less time on people who are outside of your marriage.
- Jealousy. People with low self esteem are mostly the ones who are bound to have this problem because they act insecure, blame it on self and they think they are not good enough. Instead of feeling jealous and insecure, learn to be different from others by working your skills and talents and be extraordinary. Think of your achievements and accomplishments and be proud of it. Don't focus on your flaws but instead of the things that you posses. Life is too short to care for unimportant people in your life. Boost your ego by being happy about yourself to avoid committing this mistake in a relationship.
- Obsessing over your ex. If you think you have not yet moved on from your past relationship then you have to forget about your ex., don’t dwell on your past. You should not treat your current relationship as a proof to your ex that you have moved on or you are no longer hurt. Getting into a new relationship doesn't mean that you will be able to forget the previous one. Do not be unfair to your current partner and be true to yourself. If you think that you haven't moved on yet, honour and embrace the pain. Time will come when you will be over it.
- Lack of good communication. Communication is a must for a long term relationship. Everyone has different interests and values. Talk to each other regularly. It may be about your ideas, desires and fears or simply how you spent your day. Communication is also very essential when there is an argument. This will eliminate the silent treatment situation that usually happens when your partner is upset or when you make mistakes. In this generation, we are lucky enough to communicate conveniently to our partner. We can reach them by using Facebook, Skype, Blackberry Messaging, Yahoo Messenger and many more.
- Job. There are times in our lives where our career becomes our top priority and usually the relationship is pushed to the side. Hopefully your significant other will be very understanding and supportive of your career but unfortunately when this happens, it will only result to cancelling dates, dinners or quality time together. Discuss well with your partner when you feel that your career demands so much of your time and compromise on how you could spend some quality time together.
- No Intimacy. If you are in a relationship with someone who you do not have sex, chances are, you are not in a happy relationship. A good relationship is not just about sex but intimacy as well. It is a very important factor that will also strengthen your relationship and trust with each other. You should also understand that your partner has needs and if you cannot provide it, your partner is bound to find it elsewhere. Plan some sexy date ideas for your sweetheart and cherish each intimate and romantic moment with her.
When you are in a relationship, you should not take your partner for granted. Learn to appreciate the things they do for you and when you commit these common mistakes in a relationship, learn to say "I'm sorry" and do not forget to say "Thank You". Learn from it and let it guide you in becoming a great partner.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Reasons Why Men Pull Away From You

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t can be completely isolating and confusing to have a man suddenly turn away from you. It's almost as if he's slamming walls in your face, on purpose. You know it very well: those moments when he seems to completely shut down, and he throws up all kinds of walls and road blocks.
Why is he acting so cold lately? Have you done something wrong, and he's holding some sort of grudge toward you, that you don't know about? Or is there something else going on.... Or someone else you don't know about?
As the questions race through your mind, when you try to figure out what's going on with his odd and retreating behaviour, you'd be surprised to find that some of the things you think about your man are FALSE. Yes, I said it!
YOU'RE WRONG. You see, the assumptions women have about a man's behaviour often come from things which are absolutely unrelated to his true feelings in the moment. That's because a man has a hard time expressing his emotional side; especially if he is feeling overwhelmed.
The kicker is the fact that a man may OFTEN retreat, when he feels overwhelmed by things that are NOT EVEN related to you! But, that is EXACTLY why women often get confused.
A lot of women will start thinking something like this:
"What did I do wrong? Maybe I said something that upset him. Maybe he needs something from me. Does he need to tell me something, but he's struggling?"
Then, you'll probably start trying to probe deeper, asking him questions, or trying to get him to respond; only to find that he retreats further.
Sound familiar? Well, I am about to make everything absolutely clear for you, because there is a lot more going on in a man's mind than he could even begin to explain. But he doesn't have to explain it, because you're about to learn it all here, so pay, close attention to these 5 reasons which show you why men pull away from you:
5. He Feels Like A Failure - He is looking at his life accomplishments thus far, and he feels like he is not where he should be. As he looks at all of the things he still has not accomplished to the level he felt he should, his spirits are lowered, and he starts to feel like a failure. Men struggle to talk about this, especially to women they care about, because he may feel like he is failing with you too, in the process, especially if he feels like he needs to be giving you more than you have now.
4. He Is Struggling With His Problems - Men like to take the weight of the whole world on their shoulders, and because of this, they often come to a place where they end up stuck within the problems or challenges that they face. Solutions seem impossible at that point, but because it is eating him up emotionally, he takes more space from you, to get more time to try and figure out a way to fix everything.
3. He Can't Tell You He's Mad At You - It is true, that some of the time a man spends ignoring you, is because he is mad at you. BUT, let it be known that when a man ignores you without explanation, it is almost ALWAYS because it's something you have done before, and he expects you to know better this time. His silent anger in this case, is his protest against consistently bad behaviour which he has already expressed dislike toward in the past.
2. He Doesn't Feel Heard - He has asked you not to argue about certain things, or to give him space in other areas. But you still bring those past mistakes of his up, even though he apologized already. You still pressure and push him in other areas where he asked for some space or time. He simply doesn't feel like you are hearing him out, and he has grown unable to fight you anymore, so he is pulling away to gain some emotional freedom.
1. He Feels Like Too Much Is Being Asked Of Him - Pressures from work, family, his relationships with others, and your personal needs all weigh in. In moments where he is not emotionally or physically able to handle even just a few of those things, but all are demanding on him, he may cut some of them out to make it easier to deal with the priorities. This is especially true if you have too many unrealistic expectations on him to fix things, to change, to be a certain way; alongside other stresses he is facing.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Commitment Phobic People! The Psychology Behind Their Action

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ear of commitment refers to the fear of forming a long-lasting relationship. The term commitment phobia was first coined in 1987 by Steven Carter in his book, Men Who Can't Love. Commitment phobia is common in men, but recently, studies show that both men and women have an equal tendency to experience commitment phobia. Commitment phobia is usually manifested across many domains of life. It is not only limited to relationships, but can also include fear of commitment with work, families and friends. It is an incapacitating phenomenon that affects a person's entire life.
Men and women have different reasons why they fear commitment. Some men do not like the idea that they have to ask permission whenever they hang out with their buddies. They want to keep their personal space, and so they fear being committed to someone. Some men do not believe having only one sex partner is natural, thus they question themselves if they are able to form a lasting relationship with one person, even if they are extremely in-love with someone. Other men have been continuously deceived by women, and so they avoid lasting relationships that will end in the same manner. They are afraid that their financial resources will be consumed by someone who might be using them just for their money. Men who were cheated on by their wives and later divorced fear forming another lasting relationship. Many of them choose not to marry again.
Women, on the other hand, fear commitment because they have been hurt numerous times by people who they seriously loved. They have been cheated on and deceived by someone who they gave their full trust to. Because of this, they generalize all men as deceitful, not able to keep their word, and not serious with relationships. That all they ever want is to "use you and dump you". Some women were deceived by their husbands and divorced them. These women are often afraid of investing their emotions in someone new, and experience the same painful breakup. Still, some women fear commitment because they see their "fathers" as a poor role model. Being able to witness how their fathers hurt their mothers physically and psychologically, they are afraid of being married and committed to someone who might do the same to them.
People with commitment phobia are experiencing fear within them. They fear being hurt by their partners. They tend to become very defensive and try to cover themselves in a shell in order to avoid getting hurt. Commitment phobic people take the word "commitment" very seriously, which is why it is very hard for them to commit.  They don’t want to be in a situation they won’t be able to comply with.