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Saturday, June 30, 2012

Dealing With Arguments In a Relationship

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relationship issues

While all relationships are unique unto themselves, there is one thing that seems to be found in all of them - arguments. All couples argue occasionally, and it is their ability to recover from and get over arguments that often dictates how well, as well as how long, the relationship last.

Following are some of the best tips on dealing with arguments the best way, so you can help your relationship weather the occasional "storm".

1. Find The Root Of The Argument
It's important to understand what it is that you're really arguing about. While it may look simple on the surface, but if you really think about it you may find that there's a deeper reason for your anger that is expressing itself through the argument.

It could be that you may be angry about a previous disappointment, or you could be replaying issues from childhood. While sometimes an argument is just plain silly, it can help to find out if there are any deeper root issues that need to be dealt with.

2. Explain How You Feel In One Simple Sentence
Now that you know what is at the root of the argument, you can express what you're feeling in one sentence so that it is clearly understood and can be resolved.

For example, you might say "I feel scared about our finances when you spend money without talking about it first," or "I feel unattractive when I see you talking to other women."

3. Apologize, Even If It's Not Your Fault
You may feel like you didn't do anything wrong or that you aren't the one that "started" the argument, but apologizing can be a great way to get the argument over quickly.
It can be as simple as saying "I'm sorry this argument has gotten out of control. Why don't we chill out for a while and try to talk about it again when we both are more relaxed?"

Doing so can take the heat out of the argument and leaves the door open for your partner to apologize also, which can help you resolve the issue quickly.

4. Talk It Out Calmly
After you and your partner have had time to calm down, you'll be more able to sit and discuss the argument and the feelings it brought in a more responsible manner, without all the yelling and accusations.

Taking turns, let each person have five uninterrupted minutes to give their side of the situation and why they feel the way they do. This way, you can get back to the real issue without getting embroiled in a new argument.

5. Let The Argument Teach You Something
Do you often feel like you're repeating the same tired arguments?
That's where finding the root cause can help. Figure out what is behind the arguments so that you can resolve the issues that are driving them.

6. Forget About Who's Right And Who's Wrong
If you enter a discussion determined to prove you're right, you might as well just get prepared for an all out argument. Forget about proving you're right - even when you're sure of it. And if it starts getting heated, back out and cool off before continuing the discussion.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Communication Gap May Break up Your Marriage or Relationship

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love help

Many couples have the same problem, lack of correct communication. It causes a great deal of stress in any marriage or relationship. Learning how to communicate with each other, and the ability to relate to each other is one of the valuable stapes of any relationship. It can not only bring you closer, but helps build the sense of trust you need to continue moving forward.

She complains to her friends, "he never talks to me and it makes me so mad." He tells his friends, "she nags me all the time about talking to her, and it makes me so mad." So, stop right there.

Ladies: Men do NOT want to talk about why they don't talk. Men truly believe you can be in the same room, or domain and they are fine not having a conversation at all times. Unless your house is on fire, it's okay for him to finish watching whatever he is into on cable. It's not that they don't want to talk to you; they may just not want to talk at that particular time.

Men: Women have things to talk about, and they want to talk about it when it hits. Be understanding and polite. All you have to do is tell her, "can this wait a few minutes until this inning, or quarter is over, then we can chat all you want!
Now, if the topic is really important, of course you need to stop what you are doing and address the situation at hand. But, both parties should consider how critical the conversation is, does the other person have something currently taking center stage on their mind and don't need additional stress? No one wants to be piled on when they already have enough on their mind.

Couples get on each other’s nerves once in a while, for whatever reason. Maybe he doesn't put his things away, or maybe she is spending too much money for the current financial situation. For the sake of argument, that situation can be reversed as well. The worst thing you can do is start a fight over it. The object person immediately becomes on the defensive, and you can count on a laundry list of things you do wrong coming back to hit you in the face.

Pick a good time, and simply say "there is something I think we need to talk about." Bring up your topic, and follow up with positive suggestions that can rectify the situation. Offer to help where you can. Going on the attack can make the situation much worse, causing anger and resentment, completely shutting down communication and damaging your relationship.

Find good opportunities for conversation. Instead of turning on the TV, sit out on your deck or take a walk. These types of situations invite conversation. You may not know what you're going to talk about at the time, but you will be surprised how the conversation flows, and the topics you can cover. This type of atmosphere makes people feel comfortable, less intimidated, and your partner will feel more like opening up.

You can build, and have a strong, trusting and successful relationship if both parties feel they can talk to their significant other truthfully and openly without the fear of repercussion.

 Recapture the romance you once had, and make it even better. Learn simple techniques to make your relationship stronger. Close to divorce or breakup? Stop it from happening! 

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Should this be Your Last Mile?

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about love

Memories of what could have been, what should have been are all that is left when one has walked the last mile of love. Having fought through the heartaches and cheering at the signs of time that love has conquered and won a sigh of relief unveils itself over one's face. Then within an instant what should have been, what could have been is suddenly taken away. How does one deal with a love that was so right and yet circumstances beyond one's control seems to foster that everything will eventually go wrong? This is one of several stories associated with love and lost.

When individuals consciously choose to love with all of their being, there are no sacrifices too great that one is unwilling to bear. One may give up time, family, work, friends, and oneself to ensure that the love one has lasts forever. Yet, this just may not be enough to save love as the past in either person's life may impede the present and future progress that should and could be made. The question on everyone's mind seemed to be whether or not they would ever find a love that lasted forever or would this be their final walk on finding love.

I wish I had the answers as I honestly know the pain felt when life's unexpected turns takes away one's dreams of being loved by that special person. As individuals, we find ourselves re-evaluating ways to save love, to hold on to love. It just seems like things continue to worsen rather than become better. It seems like the harder one loves, the harder one fights. Yet all the fighting seems to be for nothing since in the end love comes up short in winning the battle. Regardless if one views the glass half empty or half full, what I have learned in the lives of others is that this is not the end of love but the beginning of learning to love.

True love goes through peaks and valleys. True love will be tested with love's unexpected twists and turns. This is what love is. However, the question has less to do with the fight of love or questioning if love is real and instead has more to do with standing firm when love seems to be taken away.

Standing firm through the storms of life may help to heal the broken heart an individual may experience when love is far away-- temporarily or permanently. The fact still remains that no one has the power to dictate if this will be one's last walk of love except oneself. The individual holds the key as to whether or not she/he will continue on the path of finding love or giving up on love. People may only offer their opinions or suggestions but in the end the final decision is up to the individual going through the experience. So what will YOU choose-continue moving towards the love YOU deserve or walking YOUR last mile of love? It is my hope that as I walk this journey alongside YOU that your journey to finding the love YOU deserve will find its way to YOU and it will last forever.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Men’s Withdrawment

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One of the most frustrating factors of a romantic relationship with a man is trying to figure out why he behaves in sometimes confusing ways. Why men withdraw from romantic relationships has been a source of frustration for women throughout history. If you are currently in a relationship and you want to get a man to marry you, there are some things about which you should be aware. Stop asking yourself why he won't commit and start discovering the reasons he wants to pull away, the feelings he is experiencing in his mind and heart. When a man distances himself from you, he is doing it for what he thinks are pretty good reasons. Unless you're an expert on relationships, you're going to have a tough time figuring out why he does these things.

Why Won't He Commit?
Whether a man realizes it or not, in his mind he sees himself as a hero figure on a mission or quest. The explanation for this is long and a bit complex so for the sake of brevity, let's just say that nature, society and upbringing are likely the reasons he sees himself in this way. It doesn't matter why he's this way. It does matter that you see him in this way. If you can understand this simple principle, you are on your way to unlocking the secrets that make men behave the way they do. Sometimes he doesn't even know why he won't commit. He just knows that something doesn't feel right in your relationship.

Signs He's Pulling Away From You
This feeling he experiences is one of the first signs that he may be pulling away from you. It's a relatively easy thing to spot. As an example, imagine that you're used to hearing from your man at some point during your day - each and every day. So one day he just doesn't call you. You forget about it until it happens again a few days later. Maybe you don't hear from him for days after a particularly great date or evening out. Is he losing interest in you? Maybe not. Is he pulling away? It is possible and this is one of the signs he is doing just that. Is it your fault? Most likely he is just feeling a bit overwhelmed with feelings he may not be sure about.

At this point, your man is trying to deal with some pretty big issues. You see, men are not typically wired to experience emotion. Society also demands that a man stuff his feelings and not deal with them, especially new or previously un-experienced feelings. After all, he has never felt this way about any woman before now. His mode of dealing with this is to react by getting away from the thing that is causing the discomfort - it is indeed the most logical thing to do. He is not trying to hurt you; he's just trying to figure out how he's going to handle it. The last thing he needs is the source of the pressure putting more pressure on him. That is only going to push him away further.

Realize That It's Not Your Fault
If you know why men react in this manner, then you also know that you are not at fault here. Sure, you may have beat yourself up and spent weeks trying to figure out what you did or said wrong. Stop wasting your time and stop blaming yourself - it really isn't your fault. Men simply think differently than women. It is for this reason that women tend to get confused when they think their special guy begins to pull away from a relationship. In his mind, he is responding correctly to what he perceives to be a threat or some emotion that he is not accustomed to feeling. He may even be a bit scared and so his "fight or flight" mode kicks in - and he runs. This is all in his own mind and you are not to blame.

What you may be blamed for is not responding in the right way when your man begins to act in this way. The reason women fail to understand why men withdraw is because they do not understand what is going on in the mind and heart of their man. Those women who are successful at getting a man to marry them understand these principles. If you want your guy to propose to you, then take some action. Get the right information from experts on a male behaviour in a relationship.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Secret Tactics You Must Know

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A lot of women find themselves in a boat christened with the name "I want to get married but he doesn't." When you're in that boat you find yourself riding some rough seas ahead with waves crashing down all around you. And the storm that is bringing about those rough seas is caused by the constant struggle between the two of you because of the different places you are both at in your relationship.

You can get into calmer waters easily by applying the information you learn here about how to get him to change his mind and ask you to marry him. The first place to start is by understanding more about what he is thinking. Once you do you'll get him to go from no to yes when it comes to marriage quite easily.

Let's begin with understanding first that men and women respond to their feelings differently. As a woman you already know that when it comes to feelings, you have a pretty good understanding of that pitter patter in your heart and what you want when you feel it for a man...yep, a commitment and a ring.

Guys, while they do have feelings, they don't necessarily put two and two together in that same fashion. They can feel love for you, but there needs to be something more. Not that he understands what the "something more" is. He only knows that just because he loves you, it doesn't automatically add up to a ring and forever.

To get him to want to commit to you requires something more. What else do you need to get him to want to put that ring on your hand? Well, you need to meet a couple more requirements that he's not even aware he is looking for.

See, men feel as though they have a certain mission in life. They sense that there is a purpose for them that they need to accomplish even though they may not know what it is. They also don't want to feel as though someone is dragging them down or holding them back from achieving that purpose.

Here are the secret tactics you can employ to get him to marry you when he isn't ready or doesn't want to. Give him these additional things that he is looking for in a woman.

Help him find his purpose in life. Don't tell him what he needs to do though. Simply just guide him in that direction through questions and open suggestions. And then, support him on his path to completing that mission. Be the partner that encourages his pursuit, not the anchor that's dragging him down.

When you show you are the supporter of his cause in addition to being the one he loves, that gives him what he's looking for that will make him enthusiastically ask you to marry him.

Monday, June 25, 2012

You May be Sabotaging Your Relationships

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As long as you are not aware of the ways in which you might be sabotaging your relationship, you might fail to develop a successful intimacy time and again. But without knowing what you do which harms your attempts at relationship, you will not know what and how to change. Developing Self-Awareness will enable you to understand what in your attitudes, reactions and behaviours harms your relationship. You will then know what you need to do in order to develop and maintain a successful intimacy.

The following examples show how Jane's un-awareness leads her to sabotage her relationship:

Jane has not had a long-term relationship for years, something that continues to stun her. It's true: there was a time when she didn't want a relationship and sought brief encounters just for fun. She was too busy pursuing her career to take relationship too seriously. But she always thought that when she would really want, she wouldn't have any problem finding one.

So what's happening now, when she really does want a relationship? How come she can't manage to find one, and gets disappointed time after time?

The price Jane pays for being unaware
Jane's lack of self-awareness makes it impossible for her to see and identify what is preventing her from developing a true and lasting relationship. The only thing that she knows is that she does want such a relationship. But damn! What stands in her way?

When Jane begins to look inwards, attempting to find answers, she realizes that she has been driven by a belief system that having a relationship will damage her professional career. This belief system has driven her to develop a fear of commitment.

With this understanding Jane is now able to find the balance between having a profession coupled with a long-term relationship while keeping her independence. She now feels comfortable about looking for a partner with whom to develop a long-term relationship.

Self-Awareness is vital to your ability to develop and maintain a successful relationship
If you find yourself in a similar situation to Jane's - not understanding what stands in your way from developing a successful intimacy - the best route you can take is to develop your awareness: get to understand what it is that stands in your way; get to realize how you sabotage your attempts at relationships; get to realize the ways in which you might have shot yourself in the foot.

Although it takes courage to look inwards, to figure out what you do which harms your attempts, that's the only way to stop failing in your relationship and move forward to developing a satisfying intimacy.

What you can gain by developing your awareness
You might hesitate to develop your awareness, fearing that time is short and you better spend it on finding a partner and entering a relationship. But if you have failed over and over again, it is better to take the time to understand, once and for all, how you shoot yourself in the foot until now. You will then become able to make the necessary changes leading to a satisfying intimacy.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Why Not Pick Your Pain

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The end of a once-loving relationship usually carries emotional prices that both sides must pay. Whether you were "the dump-er," or someone who "got dumped" really doesn't matter. Love's end doesn't have the same conclusion or outcome as a tennis match or a ball game.

Declare yourself "the winner" all that you like. It's a lie. By default, both sides are most often the losers. There's a wide assortment of emotional prices to be paid, on both sides of the Lost Love Ledger:

Ostracize the Pariah. First, there's the simple fact that none of us lives in a bubble. All of our actions are subject to the review and judgment of others. So even if you left a former love who experiences more pain than you feel, you still may suffer when others you still care about express their disapproval of your behaviour by cutting you off.

Shame on You! You don't have to still hear the one you've left behind hurling insults at your back as you walk out the door. The echoes of those cries of outraged betrayal, abandonment and pain will haunt anyone who has a shred of common humanity left to them. Even if you really don't care any longer for the one you've left behind, you did care for them at one time. So if you're causing them to suffer now, you can't help but feel some sort of shame about the consequences of your actions. If you don't, you may be worse than a narcissist. You may be a bit pathological, or worse.

Lonely Street. There's almost never a "winner take all" end to an affair. That means that both the person who does the dumping and the one who gets dumped are likely to lose friendship at just the time when their pain makes them need such support. Loneliness will invariably follow in the wake of these events.

How Could He - Or She? The pain of lost love is usually accompanied by confusion ("how could this happen to me?"), outrage, a sense of betrayal, a desire for vengeance, a fearful need for escape, guilt, depression, even terror of threatening future events and potential crises, including enormous health risks or even worse.

I'm No Good. The most insidious damage caused by love's end can come in the form of losing the capacity to properly and appropriately maintain one's love for one's self. It's deeper than just losing "self-esteem" or personal approval. Real dangers can arise for those who suffer parting with a loved one by retreating into a self-hating despair. These losses can lead to a wide variety of self-destructive behaviours, from addiction to substances or to meaningless sexual encounters, or even to suicide.

No Silver Bullets. There's really no single way to prevent or overcome such negative feelings when you find yourself on either side of the Lost Love Ledger. The longer the relationship had lasted, the more you had invested in seeing it through, the more severe will be the risk of suffering more extreme forms of these feelings. The best thing you can do for yourself is to seek out good advice, good friends and loved ones, and to simply endure long enough for your pain to fade and for new joys to arise from new values that have entered or have grown in your life.
Take heart, and be hopeful. "This too shall pass away."

Best wishes for your rapid recovery.