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Thursday, February 28, 2013


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By Barr Godson Nwachukwu

I studied the law of CONTRACT in the university so I'm conversant with what it entails. Also, I read my Bible meticulously, so I know what COVENANT means, apart from their dictionary meaning.

Most people treat their marriages as contract, instead of a covenant.

What then is contract?

CONTRACT are usually drafted to protect all partied involved in case any of them default or fail to fulfil their sides of the bargain. They can be written contracts, which are legally binding, or verbal agreement, which are sealed with a handshake. It is binding in honour. In either case, the innocent party can seek legal action for a breach of contract, or simply be no longer obligated to fulfil their sides of the agreement should the other not fulfil theirs. Contract ensures that all involved fulfil their word, and provide an escape clause should the contract be broken.

Covenants are promises to fulfil our own word irrespective of the other person, and are made to last regardless of the circumstances. Contracts provide for natural disasters or human failure that are beyond the right or ability of either party to perform or control. Covenant doesn’t make such provisions because honouring them is not dependent upon things we have neither the right nor the ability to control. I am eternally grateful that the covenant relationship I have with God is not based on whether I can keep my end of the bargain. He will keep His word whether I do or not.

WEDDING VOWS are a covenant commitment to stay faithful as a husband or wife, for better for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death separates the two.

A covenant relationship is unique from all others not just because it is based on love, but it is a lifelong commitment. Marriage is based on commitment, but what makes a marriage to work is love.

I see a marriage certificate given to newly wedded as MARRIAGE LICENSE- A LEARNER'S PERMIT.

Never will you have your way again. You can't be happy if the other person isn't. No matter who wins the argument, you lose. The sooner you learn this, the better off, you'll be. Love is exercise in frustration. You leave the window open when you want it shut or closed. You watch someone else’s favourite television programme. You kiss and make love when you're sick, just to please your spouse. You turn the music down when you like it loud. You learn to be patient without sighing or sulking. 

Love is doing things for the other person. In marriage, two become one. But that one isn't you but the other person. Have you thought about this before? This means that you love this person as he or she is. 

Why should you want to redesign the other person? If there should be a change, the change should be YOU to fit in, to what the other person wants; not you trying to change your spouse to fit to what you want. 

It isn't LOVE if we want the other person to be as we want. Love brings out the best in people. Let them be themselves without artificiality. Don't suffocate them. People, who know they are loved, grow with beauty and charm. Let your spouse talk. Create the assurance that any idea, any suggestion, any feeling can be expressed and will be respected. Cultivate the kind way of speaking. Colossians4v6, says," Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each other".( NKJV)

It can be as simple as asking them instead of telling them what to do. Love is funny. Its growth doesn't depend on what someone does for you. It's in proportion to what you do for him or her. What one time American president once said is applicable to marriage. Don't think of what your spouse will do for you but think of what you'll do for your spouse.

I have taken pain to update this, not that you will pay me but for you to learn. It touches my heart to see divorce petitions in courts, and I don't handle divorce petitions or cases. We see such petitions because some spouses take marriage as a CONTRACT, instead of a COVENANT.

Whenever, there's a misunderstanding between you, always think of how to save the marriage instead of how to break it by what you say or do at the heat of disagreement. God never intended that husband and wife should divorce; there's why the church has the power to wed but has no power to divorce or put asunder. God Himself joins and that's why nobody is expected to put asunder. Even when the court divorces "you", God still sees you as one. In Matt 19 v 9, if you divorce your wife and marry another, you commit adultery. So also the man who marries your divorced wife. Two become one is a serious business. It is not for boys and girls. It is for adults-mature in mind.

Reach Barr Godson Nwachukwu via email:

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