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Wednesday, February 27, 2013


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By Barr Godson Nwachukwu

Do they appeal to you sexually? Don't say you are not warned!

I've been attending marriage seminars for the past 6months and many things are being discussed. The title is one of the topics discussed.
But before, I go into it, I must state that, outward appearance and sexual appeal may be what attracts us to each other, but neither has any power to sustain the relationship. That kind of attraction is like perfume. Your senses
 will smell it when you are putting it on, but within minutes you will not be aware of the scent.

Recently, a married woman (name withheld) in angry moment said that her husband told her she didn’t satisfy him sexually as a previous girl-friend had. In tears she told me how hard she tried to be like that other girl, but in reality she couldn't.

These couple are Christians.

If we abstain from immorality and keep ourselves pure until marriage, the problem of comparison will not be present. Freedom from sexual comparisons is one of many reasons why God would want us wait.

Be that as it may, many people think that as long as there is spiritual compatibility, all other areas are not important. That is not correct thinking. Some think that sexual compatibility is of little consequence. In my opinion, it is the second most important area. To ignore it would be to court a disaster. Like the woman's case I mentioned above, whose husband compared her with his ex. Failure in the sexual life will cause trouble in many other areas. The unfulfilled wife will complain about other things, and the unfulfilled husband will find very many things unsatisfying. He will certainly stress on small faults which he would have otherwise ignored were he not sexually unfulfilled. Because physical looks have a close relationship with the sexual life, I have decided to treat them together.

What I'm about to state are not taught in the church. Ministers shy away from them. Either they don't know them or they consider them immoral. 
I know some of my church members are reading this, but I want all who read, to learn.

I want you to know that, some people are hot, others are warm, and others are cold sexually. If a hot woman marries a cold man, the woman will not be satisfied, and the man will feel inadequate because of his failure to satisfy her, vice versa. It is clear that different people respond differently to different touches. Some want light touches, others want heavy touches. Some want sexual intercourse several times in one night. Others want it once a week. Still others want it once in a blue moon.

For those who are lost in sin, experimentation with many people may lead to knowledge of some of the sexual capacities of possible partners. But those who are children of light, those who have received the Lord Jesus in their lives cannot carry out such acts of foolishness. How then will you know if they are sexually compatible? The answer lies in a close walk with God. Tell Him that you can’t do anything in this area. Ask Him to give you a partner that you'll be able to satisfy and who will in turn satisfy you. However, let me give you a clue. Study your temperament. If you're an introvert, you may likely be warm or cold sexually. But if you're extrovert, you will be a hot person sexually. Sanguines and choleric are hot, while melancholies and phlegmatic are warm or cold. (I don’t know whether I got the spellings right). Which temperament are you?

On the other hand, what about physical compatibility?
In the Bible we are told that Sarah was beautiful. She was so beautiful that in old age she was desirable. We are also told that Rebekah "was very fair to look upon" (Gen 24v16). Of Leah and Rechel, the Bible says, “Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful and lovely. No wonder Jacob loved Rachel. Read Gen 29 vs 17-18. Because of this, I recommend that no man ask a woman he does not consider beautiful to become his wife, vice versa. They said that," beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder". If that is the case, and it may be the case, regardless of what other people think of them, you should find them beautiful and attractive. You must not marry someone you find ugly.

Physical looks play a greater role in life than most people want to admit, and believers must face it. Generally speaking, people prefer the company of someone they consider nice to look at. They also are more tolerant of the errors of such a person than of the errors of such a person whose appearance annoys them. You must face the facts. If you do not like his looks, say "NO" to him and be firm. If you said that you'll manage, some day you will be sorry about it. If you do not like her looks, do not marry her because of her character alone.

You should not just look at the present looks. If you don't like fat people, find out what the girl will look like after she has given birth to two children. Do not consider her slim when it is due to the fact that she is overworked at school. Look at her older sisters and her mum, and it will give u some idea of how she will look like in the future

Barr Godson Nwachukwu can be reached via email:

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