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Friday, February 15, 2013


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By Barr Godson Nwachukwu

These days, people appear to have forgotten that it was not by mistake that God made Eve out of that ribs of Adam to be a Helper to him.They abuse marriage, descrate it and subgect it to all manner of humiliation.As a result, a lot of marriages hit the rocks soon after they are contracted.

In view of the above comment, it has become necessary to identify the reasons why marriages break up.

I am doing this for two reasons: 1. It will enable those whose marriages have broken up to know where they went wrong. 2. It will enable those whose marriages have not broken up to know how to safeguard their marriages.

There're people who enter into marriage because of the material gains they hope to get from the other party. This is wrong approach to marriage because when such hopes are not realised, the marriage will begin to shake and may eventually collapse.

Many do not pray before they set out to marry. Some who pray, pray with a wrong motive* and it is for that reason that people take spouses not meant for them. And the truth is that anyone who marries a spouse meant for another person, will sooner or later find out that he or she has been sitting on a keg of gun powder- which will explode when it will.

Many young people, in their youthful exuberance, hide under the saying that "Love is blind" to blind themselves when are choosing their spouses. They play games and end up imposing themselves on persons who do not love them from their heart of hearts or who can, at best, be incompatible with them. This type of relationship, no doubts, end up so swiftly.( I have an update about playing games. You can read it) 

One prominent reason why marriges break up is LACK OF TRUST or CONFIDENCE in the other spouse. It is not good that a spouse should police or monitor where the other goes or what the other does or says. A situation or atmostphere of suspicion between spouses creates unhealthy marital relationship. The real danger in it is that when one is contantly suspected, to their knowledge, of what they have not thought of doing, they may be tempted to do it. This may be out of frustration, humiliation or the urge to revenge or to put the other person into the same mental agony or torture as the constant suspicion has caused him or her.

It has always been my view that it is better to say, “my spouse cannot do it", than thinking that he or she, like any other persons could do it. I am also of the view that accepting one's explanation that he or she could not have done it is surely better than asking such questions as, "How am I sure you did not do it"? A spouse who knows that they are believed and trusted will not be quick in betraying that confidence or trust so much reposed in them.

Possessiveness or jealousy is a factor that breaks up marriage. Spouses must be careful not to stretch possessiveness or jealousy too far. I concede that a spouse has the right to be jealous or possessive, or even protective of the other spouse. But I'll be quick to add that unguarded jealousy and possessiveness give rise to wild imaginations which can completely destroy a marriage.

Infidelity or unfaithfulness can occasion the fall of a marriage. The Bible even recognises this as the only ground for which a spouse may divorce the other. (Matt 5v12). Married persons should therefore see their spouses as the most fulfilling partner in the world. Anything outside this can, as best, crack the walls of a marriage when the time is ripe.

Gossip contributes. It is true that gossip is so tasty and we love to swallow it. (Prov 18v8). However, it is equally true that listening to or indulging in it, in matters concerning one's marriage can do more harm or damage than good to the marriage. There're people who will come pretending to have the best interest of your marriage at heart but behind their pretence is the real intention to scatter your marriage. Once they, at the first trial, find out that you welcome them will never stop coming.If married couples could realise that gossip is the product of idleness,I think, they will be better off.

A marriage may break up as a result of greed.When you see a man who is always comparing his wife with other women, and probably writing her off after such comparism,you have met a greedy man. On the other hand, when you see a woman who keeps demanding from her husband what cannot afford, probably another man provided such things for his own wife, you have met a greedy woman. Greed leads to nagging and nagging destroys marriage.

In Nigerian Law, cruelty has been recognised by statutes, especially the Matrimonial Causes Decree, 1984, as a ground upon which a marriage may be dissolved. A spouse who says uncomplimentary things about his or her spouse or intentionally refuses the spouse what he or she deserves or entitled to,(whether it is sex or any other thing) is cruel to that spouse.

Lack of respect or love can be most destructive of a marrige. 1Cor 13, tells us what love is....

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