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Tuesday, April 2, 2013


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By Jenny Chika Okafor

Is it too late to love? No. If only we can come off our fictitious imagination, get real and humble ourselves, we will have it soon

I look around me and see men and women of great intelligence who due to poor choices, over estimation of selves, pride, arrogance and self- conceitedness missed opportunities which may have significantly changed their lives. 

This class of human beings in their primes had no respect for anyone who they considered to be below their non –existent or imaginary realms of self-importance, greatness and glory. 

The men carried on like God’s gifts to women. Every woman of their age who would have made a wonderful wife, mother and lover for life was too short, inadequately educated and not suitable for their class and positions in society, their future, totally uncouth or someone for smaller juuuu guys. 

They reveled in self -glorification, embellishment, body building, alcohol, drugs and other vices, just name them. They wore tailor made Seville Row suits, best shoes and colognes. All the ladies dying to hold their hands in marriage, worship and behold them for life were treated with the greatest disdain, lied to, used, abused, violated and abandoned because they believed that their beautiful ones were not yet born and the world was at their feet and will remain their stage forever. Haaaaaaaa. One of my teachers comes to mind.

Then the ladies, mhmh! Some of us saw ourselves as queens who must be worshiped and revered like gods and goddesses. To say that some of us were overly conceited, rude, arrogant, uncaring, demanding, demeaning and disrespectful will be an understatement. Potential mother in-laws were in fact ugly witches. Mmhhhh, a few of us come to mind here because we are actually now looking like the real witches while those missed great women are looking absolutely fab. 

Every man that came our way was like our father’s poor drivers and could not afford us. Sadly this class of babes had built their requirements and expectations of future hubbies on Mills and Boons fairy tales not realising that they were all fictions. They shined and glowed like the moon, stars and morning sun. In their deluded minds they were truly, every man’s delight and queens who must be worshiped. Men bowed at their knees begging for a chance. They simply won’t look at them because as far as they were concerned they were better than them. The only people that qualified in the minds of some of us then were dead men walking type of old sugar daddies who could afford to fly us around the world, wine and dine us in the best hotels not minding that they looked like our grand dads and we should rather be married to their hunk of sons who the sugar daddies unfortunately considered too good for our life style which had turned us into serious gold diggers. 

Then suddenly the penny drops. The almighty evening falls. The men and women look round and they are all over the hill. Many of the handsome and beautiful men and women who worshiped them begging for their hands in marriage are all long gone, happily married with children and wealthier than these breed of humans could have ever imagined. 

Panic sets in. Even the most evil and vile of these men and women will find religion. Some will even become pastors, church elders, mums and dads preaching God, chastity, eternity, sanctity of mind, heart, soul and conscience, match makers, marriage counsellors and name it. Their friends who they considered cheap, stupid and silly because they were wise and made the right choices without being so self -conceited and consumed by pride and arrogance are now at different levels and very happy. Envy sets in and they look at them and wonder why they did not see what those cheap men and women of those days saw in their now rich or happy wives and husbands and why they were not wise enough to marry them for themselves. 

The table has indeed turned because they chase anything in skirt or trousers with every breath in their system not minding how ugly or poor they may be so long as they are happy to give them the titles of husbands and wives. THE SENSIBLE ONES SEE THEM BEFORE THEY ARRIVE AND DO BEN JOHNSON ON THEM. They fight to finish in order to keep anyone they could catch even when families are saying “please go away, leave us alone, you do not belong here and we cannot afford you”. That juu guy or ugly bitch suddenly becomes very attractive. Some will even use babalawo etc. If they turn up as old friends to spend the evening and you say one thing out of line you get that “is it because you are married”? I am not after your man or woman etc. Mind you, you never said they were after your man or woman. They said it because they would love to but your babe or guy is not interested. OMG!!! You can never get it right with this class of humans anymore.

What those hiding behind the church to find long gone husbands and wives are not telling the poor people they are misleading in church is that they have suddenly realised that their chances are slim. They are therefore desperately seeking companionship, love and comfort in their old ages with little or no chance because though they realise how silly they have been, they are still not ready to come down their world of illusion and accept that they were after all not all that they thought they were and life is not about looks and money but meeting of minds and hearts. We are indeed now over the hill.

Then the big issue, they preach religion from their mouths while they target every self-made wife or husband or worst still the young single rich and famous in the church who are years younger than them and tell you that age is just a number. YEAAAAAH! YOU ARE RIGHT! You need someone your age who you can communicate with, not money or someone who will wake up in the morning, see the wrinkles, go to work and never come back and won’t even say good bye. 

I simply laugh and hope that many people who are at this stage in their lives are looking around and being real to the likely way they may end if they do not get real; single and bitter not because anyone stopped them from finding love but because they believed in themselves more than love, compromises and sacrifices. Please stop competing with those young people. We have passed it. Let’s get off our high horses and get real. Leave those clingy old designer clothes. They are now called old school and makes no difference to the young person.

And trust me, there is nothing like readymade homes. To find love, be happy and revel in the joy of marriage or companionship, you must be willing to give not just take, worship not just be worshiped or adored or revered as a god or goddess. That is how life works.

For the younger generations, borrow a leaf, get real and help build the type of home you dream about. Everyone deserves a chance. A poor ugly man and woman when fully loved and supported can become the Dangotes or Oprahs of tomorrow if that is what you want. Leave the church alone. Jesus died to save your life not to find you a husband or wife. That man or woman singing off his head and heart, praying like hell and dancing to get your attention in church is as desperate and frustrated as you. He/She might be the mistake or disaster of a life time waiting to complete your unfulfilled life. Do the right thing, be genuinely nice, kind, loving and non-judgmental and let God send you your Adam or Eve. 



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