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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Recipe For A Happy Family

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By Esther Obazu-Ojeagbase

Pastor Mrs Esther Obazu-Ojeagbase
One’s desire to have financial freedom, live an honourable, glorious and peaceful life could be marred with trouble and distress if one fails to be on one’s guard all the time. We have the duty to control our feelings, actions and what we say. The home is very important. A well known American author, Taylor Caldwel, once said, “I would rather cook a meal for a man, bring his slippers and feel myself in the protection of his arm than have all citations and honours I have received worldwide.” This is applicable to men too. Without a home there is no true freedom, hope, joy, no expectations for tomorrow, and there is no contentment.

Being in this enviable position in the society, you have the promise of God upon your home which says “My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.”-Isaiah 32:18

For every promise there is a condition that must be fulfilled, and for our desire to come through there are certain ways of life we must adapt to, because in times of crises the source of vale attached to him/her stands to rekindle your love.

How high is the value you place on your spouse? If there is none, I want you to create and think up one that will keep the light of your love shining. Nothing works until you work it out and for every success there is always a price to pay, so also in marriage, without exception, there is always a price to pay.

Compatibility brings about lasting relationships, so it is important for couples to evaluate each other at all times, because until you value what you have no other person will; and as a man it is very important to know that the level of importance you accord your family is the same that every other person will accord them. Show that you appreciate your spouse by telling him/her how important he/she is to you. Let your actions show love and affection. It shall then be difficult for an outsider to come and tread on your gold. Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your valuable pearls/diamonds to pigs because, if you do, they will trample them under their feet and then turn back to tear you to pieces-Mathew 7:6. This is one of the sayings of our Lord Jesus Christ. Do you have anything you can hold your spouse for? If there is none, create one. Like shall surely attract like, hold your spouse dearly to your heart, for your compatibility is not of the outside but of the inner forces.


A sound mind is very crucial for our existence as anything in excess is too bad. Control your tongue because the way you talk to your spouse matters: wives, your husband is the small god you can see; if you do not accord him the respect he deserves, how then can you honour God, whom you do not see?  Remember your grace covers him and the honour you give to your husband adds to his confidence and makes him to believe in himself as a man.

Likewise the man: the moment you tongue-lash your wife or your children, you belittle them yourself. Treating your wife as a nobody shows you are the same, for birds of the same feather flock together. Say good things about your wife or your husband; remember his/her good points more often. Apart from the peace of mind you shall enjoy, good things shall surely come your way, prosperity and blessing inclusive.


Control what goes into your mouth, for your mouth is the road to your stomach. Once anything gets into, it becomes difficult to bring it out. Be mindful of what you eat and where you eat. The world is waiting for you to bring solutions to issues with your knowledge and experience. Your community is waiting; it shall be disastrous to eat life out of yourself through careless attitudes.

Drinking and smoking away your life would do us no good, so please control your appetite, because you are so important, not only to your family but also to your generation.


The sex drive of geniuses is sometimes very high. It is natural because of the activities that go on their minds and their creative abilities. Men in this category should let their wives know about it; it is not to be shied away from or it could lead to misunderstandings in the future. Likewise wives whose sex drive is high; it is better you carry your man along and discuss it maturely, so that the man will not turn back to call you names.

Your sexual urge should not drive you to sleep with many or different men or women; people who go around do not get satisfaction. Although water is a gift of nature, if you do not control its consumption it becomes a problem. You have to control your sexual urge, not because you do not have the money to fund it or the personality or courage, but for what you are building to last, so that you can have a conducive environment around you to create more wealth. Sexual urge if not kept under check is a destroyer of destiny and goals.


Attending too many social functions could make you drift away from your family which does not promote affection. No matter your schedule, find time to stay with your family because they need you so dearly. Do not be selfish, and remember that your family is one of the factors that would give you complete success. All these are applicable to women too as it is very important for the mother to spend valuable time with her family, especially her children. Ask them questions about their dreams, goals, fears and challenges. It is also very important to the father and mother to pray with and for their children as this will help to strengthen the bonds of love within the family.


Transfer of affection is also an enemy that brings stress into marriage. Putting all your concern on your job, business, career and so on and neglecting your immediate family could bring about discord and hatred within the family, and this may make them go against you in all you do, not because they do not know you are working to make them comfortable, but because you are neglecting them.
It is very important that you carry your family along in whatever you are doing because your spouse will want to contribute his/her quota joyfully to your growth. Show all the affection you can.


It is unfair to misinterpret the kindness, generosity and love shown to us by our spouses. We should at all times appreciate people’s kind gestures to us, no matter how small. Some husbands/wives find it so difficult to say sorry when they do something wrong; remember the Lord’s commandment to you is to love your husband/wife as yourself, and your refusal to say sorry belittles you. Saying sorry will melt away anger and annoyance and will give room for reconciliation.


The emotion of fear paralyses the mind and intellect. Fear makes you look stupid sometimes, and the worst thing is that, what you fear most often happens to you. Fear is our greatest enemy and it stirs up many negative feelings that colour our actions.

These include fear of disappointment, fear of rejection, fear of ill-health, fear of our children going wayward, etc.; to combat these fears; I suggest we try open communication with our spouses. Remember a problem shared is a problem solved.

Emotions of fear make you angry about what has happened and sad about what did not happen, but as you discuss these fears they shall disappear and in the course of discussion you will renew your faith and vow to each other, and by so doing both of you will both be happy. Those fears maybe are not founded, but keeping them and entertaining them in your mind brings them to reality, so kill the thought immediately it occurs to you and continue to enjoy your peace forever.

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